Judge — December 20, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. LULL CHOR 4 ING carrer ne sre wee VERNA ELD some serious conversation, and if you do not mend your ways I will put myself oud of con- nection with you—push you firmly away— and make a few observations without the aid of a telephone which may perhaps surprise on.” But the fact is, the man is a fool. thinks hecan make things better and cheaper than the man who has really studied it as a profession. Just in the same way he thinks f ought to be able to make my own dresses as well as a regular dressmaker. Ie obj to pay my bills and little Marjory Micro: phone’s, for that is the name he insisted on Fieing our eldest daughter, but he does not care one fig how much he spends on wires, and electricity, and rubbish of that sort. Not a step can [take in the honse without stumbling over a wire, and this morning poor little Marjory tumbled into a large tery, and when I picked her up she had three immense pieces of cells stuck in her face. Then be has also established a telephonic | wire communicating with all the stores we deal at, the result of which is that there are almost constant applications for the settle- ment of unp counts booming into my reluctant ear. Summer and winter I must stay at home. I never get a change, because the Colonel does not car y moon. He spent all our spare cash building an observatory to see it from. Stupid place! No one respectable ever goes there. I want y, and, as I tell him, that had on the top of an observatory, up to the sky, on a winter night. “he mus with the times,” the “ marcli of science,” the heels out of his socks quicker than any man Lever saw. But its all very well talk- ing, some money I must get. ‘There is no way of approaching him on any subject except thronzh the telephone, so here goes for the three whistles. half way He says and follow T know he marches “Don’t cry over spilt milk” or you'll be fined for adulterating the article. “Empty sacks won’t stand,” but folks can stand better when they ain’t too full. “Two heads are better than one.” they anyway? more. Are Then let us each go ahead “As the tree falls so it lies.” But folks aro not like trees, either—where they are likely for falling they mostly lies first. He | for any place nearer than the | n not be | | A Plea for the Bang. Some irresponsible writers would outlaw the female bang without w hearing. Hence this humble ple ‘The bang has a raison d'etre fe mere caprice of a Frenchwoman. fore the bang was seen on the brow of By it had adorned the forehead of the Beast. It had been employed in the decoration of the angel face of the Digger Indian generations before it was seen and admired at the Closerie de Lilas. With the untamed mustang of the Texan Manos, and the untamed colt of all breeds it has been the mode fo The gentle calf would not disdain itif the creature were blessed with a fore mane. Why then | pitch into as a fashionable folly what the children of nature do so greatly affect. Of lc urse, it has its faults and one of its chief above the ultsisthat there is not enough of it. I | tend it quite round the female head and what labors of twisting and curling were saved. What precious hours might the sex spare from the toilet and devote to improvement of their immortal—bonnets! I les getting rid of | that a8 ing “ back hair,” which the ave oy apher can no more resist than he can the undying yallow dawg. And if the unfair sex should adopt the bang, it might help to eubdne with its y softness the hard glitter of brass on the fore- head of the gentle shepherd. If permitted to descend below the forehead it would be useful for the purpose of protecting from the public gaze the tender check of the Chicago drummer, or hiding the blushes cf the New York bummer, when found guilty of a fat contract. Also it might be utilized as a veil drawn over the rank luxuriance of the doodling whisker. But even in its present unlengthened state, if transplanted to the masculine front, it would be con- siderable of a refuge for all of us when called on in song or story to “ gaze upon that noble brow.” Tue salutes fired in the City Hall Park, last month, were the first guns of victory fired by the Democrats since they fired on Fort Sumter in 1861. Mr. Oxpevck takes it like a philosopher of the new school: « Prissy didn’telope, you know; she had been reading u good deal about’ woman’s sphere, and went and—no she didn’t clope—she merely dev-eloped into something higher. Prissy was always up to the times.” A Wild, but Wery Wicious Wail. O Scsax, Susan Vandusen, My faith you are abusin’, In you there's no more trustin’; My heart it is a bustin’, And tears run down my smeller— You've got another feller, n Vandusen, Buch treatment ain't For you I've lon! My sighin’s tur Do you know w You've 0 Susan Vand O Susan, been nd been sen. usan Vand ware refurin’ You smile upon that villain, And me you're surely killin’. x I'd like to den That fellow erc len the weddit "Tis you I s T feel, while so era thicke n, Tima late-lamented chicken. I'm sup by That 11 gc 0 Sus bs O Susan, Susan Vandusen, I thought Twas your choosin’; Your promise you're not keepin’; I'm awe weepia’; I find no rest in tnoozin’, My ser losin’ Til spe Misusin’, and accusin Sus. such surprisin’ some pisen, life abusin’ Vandusen. a. BELLAW, An Interview with Bob Ingersoll. Tue reporter found Mr, Ingersoll diligent- ly engaged in the task of memorizing ar vival hymn, — The reverend gentleman hi a long peaked nose, a lean and even I: visage, which enhances the clerical | the good old mun; fer he does not, like many of his cloth, affect to lay aside t at severe exterior which well” becomes a preacher of the word, His speech has the real old time Puritan flaver, eis incessant- ly reneating such phrases as “the lord will. ing,” “nnder the blessing of q interspersed with many edifying groans and sighs. The reporter was pliused further to note that Mr. Ingersoll stichs to the tech- nology of his profession, invariably calling a wife a companion” and speaking of his fellow-citizens as “poor sinners.” What heightens the effect of all this is the patriar- chal beard of a st whiteness which over- spreads the brea of the vene rable “man. It is well known that the Rev. Robert has great faith in the efficacy of ome propos of which he related the following aiacelots, It seems that man 8 aL, before he had cast out the old man Adam, he was a lawyer, and as such took part in a trial which some aged readers may have heard of under the name of the Routed Star Case. One of the witnesses, it seems, was so ect in his cvil ways that it was found impossible to get the truth outof him, Fortunately the Conrt happened to be a humble Christian, and called on the Provides enn! comicbooks.com