Judge — December 13, 1884 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

come to the only good point which Tne Jupoe hus ever been able to detect as result- fro ence has a tendency to check ribaldry, ob- scenity and profanity even among those who female bar presidency. Her pres- have partaken too freely of the wares she rends, Thisisapoint gained. Ifdrunken- lof s of its hi ness be ro! oof its grossness, it ‘ousness. «1 youth does not drink very much, saltogether too gently nur- tured a plant to be either profane or ribald. So far, at least, there is no long felt want in American s¢ fill, and till where which the barmaid can a want arises she will stay Monographs. WOULDY Wily Fr before T 1 lows Ast me a fal Pleaded Augustus soft ai wal upon my breast, ard its rest, bal y your lips cares she murmured, * not to-night; and heartless quite; © you less, you know; F that 1 wich caprice to show; ply beeanse ell you right— T hate the of Do” The best overshoes le A fall opening—the coal hole. A new car-pet—the girl you mash on the train, one-armed shold be a good euchre always has a lone hand. ht with adrnm; neither captured with gas. Funny some any, to find a for India rubber, Can it be thi have forgotten the American clam! Don’t be larmed, my son, if your girl calls you * rascal? when you become daring. [t isonly anoth She really means Next to trying to gain the ear of a deaf man, the hardest thing in the world. is to catch the attention of a cross eyed woman. A street | Idan too name for the rose. wass-band in Cincinnati sere- vstitnte for the deaf and dumb, Brass bands must have prac- this is about the safest way uf get- It is one hundred and eight years since the man who invented the hand-organ died. Death is cruel; it oftentimes, as inthis case, preve hteous wrath upon the foul destroyer of our peace of mind. The Viceroy of India 8125.000 a ve but his se all the work, gets only $3,000 and none of the honor, ‘Things are still too much mixed in this vale of tears, ts a salary of ry, who does “T spoke in the ‘Tub? last night,” gan a facetious orater at a mass-mectin Before he could proceed further, however, a be- tired-looking man crept up ‘Uehind the | AN Brau (s ain't it?” Sur— 7 should think it ought to be. ought to be out.” OUT-AND-OUTER. late stayer) at loss for something to say—“ It's a good deal colder than it was, The fire is owt, the lamp is most out, and you wl hit him on the head with a | sind-bag. ‘The remains were wheeled away, and the tired man adjourned the meeting with prayer. “Why Did He Wed Ier?% is the title of anew novel, Well, he may have done it | because her old man had the stampe, or because she had sworn never to attempt to | make or because she was dumb and couldn't jaw him when he came home late, or becanse he couldn't get anybody to have him, or becanse he loved her, or — but | lots of reasons might be given why he did it, and then, perhaps, he'd know more about it than you, after all. spokest Ix hier, “safe” place—the No, Zelda, your ignorance is blissful. It is simply absurd to ask if a‘ gentleman | cow” during his undeveloped immaturity is | called a “ cow-boy.” Gitt and Arthur are taking ont a comedy company with a piece called ‘Two Bad Men.” — Unless they yin wholly unin- habited districts, Jonnecticut, they will find themselves ina minority wherever they go. Even Sqneedunk could find three of that kind which would raise their single pair out of their boots in badness. “Tlow Ginpertian!” remarked she, as they were listening to the exquisite and re- fined humor of the undraped libretto of the “ Adamless Eden” the phe night. | ** And how Sallivanesque!” responded he, as a charming melody from the female orchestra entered his outstretched ear. The latter adjective is a valuable one and | will donbtless soon become permanently | incorporated. It will be eqnally of 5 to describe the tuneful music of the English | composer and the hard hitting of Boston's favorite son, The Nose upon my Countenance. With apologies to W. SL Thackzeay, ‘Tar, nose upon my countenance, the winter air in- hal Was pallid all the summer time while skies were bright and clear; You ask me why ‘tis ruddy now, its neighbor feat ures paling Itis because the beer-time’s gone and wh are here, In summer days I wore a watch; it scems a weary lapse since Iis festive chain adorned my vest, its ticking soothed my ear; | And if, my friend, you ask of me the reason of its absence, It is beca'ase the beer was cheap while whiskey is 80 dear. Thus each performs his part, my friend; my watch finds winter quarters, My glowing nose has found a flush its cuticle to aye; And if you ask me why I take my quota of strong waters, It is because the beer's too cold, and that’s the reason why. 0m. aEssor. Fire-proor—smoke. A BIG thing is so far from being a sure thing, that it usually gets left. The big car- riugo wheels are invariably the hind wheels. Sue listened with an air of languor while the agent dilated on its ** proximity to schools, stores, churches.” Lut when he spoke of its ** mail facilities” she roused her- self to inqnire if they were a disengaged lot, and when the agent unblushingly assured her that such was the fact sho urged the pa to buy it. comicbooks.com