Judge — December 13, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. “RAZOR CLUB.” WINN ob us hab bin ’rested by the cops fer ky some po’ white trash, an’ Jedge’s tax; butdeting now, am whedder we shall ‘stablish a pres: sedent in dis case, an’ approbe fightin’ an’ shlashin’ amung ourselbes by bailin’ Bradder Cutheart out ob de ¢ C De fine am fibe dollahs or ten daze, an’ Seratchitary Mugwamp Jinkins will now purpare de ballot-box, an’ de Club will woice its opinyun by wotein’ upon de matter. Fo" blackballs keeps dat moke in jail ’till his time am serbed rvin’? liqerduted de ler.’ The vote was taken, and, as one horse- chestnut, three old cuds of fine-cut tobacco —that had been chewed, drie d then re- chewed again, until they out-lived their use- fulness,—and two black gutta-percha pants buttons, were found among the pile of white beans in the Secretary's ri plug-hat when the balloting was over, Chairman Snif- fles then announce: “By six blackballs, or two mo’ dan de reqersit? numbah, de werdic’ ob de * Razzer Club’ am dat Cutheart anes remanes in duranz wile, myselh!” Pillgarlic Pie-crust of the Committee on by-laws, now arose and submitted the follow- Nozopy—a ghos A Laby enticed out of her husband’s ear a snapping bug which had crawled in there and was inflicting terrible torture on the poor man. She held a light close to the side of his head, and his tormentor crawled out. Wives, take example, and go light on your husband’s ears, at we hab ter decide | 1 woted one ob dem old ‘chaz? | ETT usual collection having been taken up for defraying the expenses of new strops for honing purposes, and which netted up- on this occasion thirty-one cents, —Chairman dressed the members em’men ob de « Razzer Club!’ De Trais’rer informs me dat we hab a cash balence ob fo’teen dollahs an’ ah to our eredit in de ‘Coons’ Sabings Bank. Now de quextion what de meetin’ are to cornsidder dis ebenin’ am dis: Shell we pay de fine ob Brudder Cutheart Joanes, who” bin conwicted in de Poleace ’Co’t fer pene tratin’ wid his razzer de liber ob Purfesser Ha'r-oil Broostah—also a membah ob dis Club in good standin’—or ne De bred’ren ob dis S'iety hab allus cheer- fo'ly whacked-up dere ’sessments, when one ing amendments to the Club Constitution: *ust.—Dat de handiest place fer de razzer iz down de back ob de neck, insted ob de boot-leg. Seckind.—Dat “ef enny man kn cut him on the spot Thurred.—Dat eb'ry moke shud re'lize dat, ‘one single-shootin’ dissolvah in de white man’s han’, iz wuft sebben razzers an’ a butchar-knife in de cullud pusson’s hip- Ye e motto ob d sdown de Am ordah be, an nig, th.—That heahaftah, no coon will be admittid to membahship in dis fraytuhnity, till he purjuices a freshly-sliced off ear, or noze, ob de Anglo-Saxon wariety, ez ebidence ob hiz skill wid de darkey’s weapon, wich am de emblem ob our ’sociashun!” The above resolutions were unanimously ried, and, after appropriating three dollars from the ‘contingent fund” to pay doctor- bills for Prof. Hair-oil Brewster, who had been sadly “ky-arved” by Cutheart Jones, the session of the ** Razor Club” adjourned —subject to the call of the chairman, Jer. Jostyy.” Candid Re ean — ‘This Clevel can’t be such a ve bad fellow, after ‘There is no denying it, at least, that he | one of the elect. nd ANotier reason why Belva failed is, per- haps, becanse the law-abiding American voter has no wish to s sans culotle at the head of the government. PROPOSED CR FoR THE STATIONERY, WHITE HOUSE Embracing earlier carlier po 2 delicate ical oftice of the al convictior rem Pr he prance of the ident. and the Vice-President Branded by a Sign. Tuoven only a On an old My face is familiar as day Sid Also From travellers passing this way Fair eyes have a But tomy Th Of giving n The My | None ever That I've c Than are kno ard fened woks intense, when new, auty is past! hh they never tired ac that red paint will not last youth pelt out Ar h my face. abt ills nto the human race or all my (And ne In my shame Tam all but dead With paste and a smirk They've That liver-pad sign on my head, Jah cnnyera ood work ver a lie ded me, by Journal of Young Sawbone's Bride. Dec. 6.—It does seem as if nobody wanted tly furnished apartments at any price. Two young men (brothers) answered our last advertisement and say they will take two rooms on the third floor if the price suits and they can have board. They say the: would like to be treated as one of the family, Edward turned up his nose at this; | supp: cause two wanted to be treated as one, I tried to explain to him that the young men meant all right, even if they didi’'t ex- press themselves in good English. Then he sniffed contemptuously. I don’t like to be sniffed at, and it seems to me that he sniffs a great deal at all my remarks. One thing iscertain, sniff or nosniff, can't be forever giving us three hundred dollars every month, and I guess Edward will have to take the young men into the family or else whistle for money when the apa comicbooks.com