Judge — December 6, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. After Her Heart. “You don’t want to marry that fellow,” itious mama to her daughter, I do.” you don’t. him, my dear.” “Well, perhaps not; but it’s my chance, and I may never get another.” “Never mind if you don’t. Wait until you find a man after your own heart.” “‘That’s just what's the matte; Charlie has been after my heart for months, and I guess I'd better let hi it."—Boston Times, You don’t really love first rr omama; He Was a Mind-Reader. Youna Lawyer (to witness in court) | —‘‘ What is your occupation, Mr. Brown? Mr. Brown—* I am a professional mind- reader.” Young plain what Mr. Bro his thought lawyer—“ A mind-reader? uu mean by that term. —** T can read a man’s mind— like a printed page.” yer—“ Ah! indeed! I ean tell what I am thinking of. read my mind, if you can, Mr. “Brown.” Mr. Brown—‘ ‘Thank you. I never read a legal blank, 1am a mind-reader.”—Paris Beacon. ’asee if Please Election Returns. “T say, when are you going to pay that bet “What bet?” * You bet a box of cigars that Ohio would go for the Democrats, didn’t you?” ‘Yes, now I come to think of it, I and I've won, too,” “How have you won?” “Well, if piling up thirty thousand majority for the Republicans is not going for the Democrats, I'd like to know what it is? "—Texas Siftings. did, No Chance for Life. Ovnr regiment,” said a veteran, went in- to the battle of Stone River eight hundred strong, and came out of it with only three hundred and twenty men. I tell you a man didn’t have much of a chance for his life in that battle.” “And our regiment,” said another vet- eran, who had a wooden leg, ‘went into the army with one thousand men and came out with only seventy-five. What do you think of that?” “Why, dang it, man, you were not in: single engagement during the entire war! I know your history. You did not lose that leg in battle.” Who said I did?” You were trying to gi ression.”” B I didn’ “Then how did yon lose so many men?” “Why we had fico surgeons in our regi- ment.” e out that im- es, but how did you lose your leg “Why, I hired a surgeon to cut a corn on my toe, ‘and he sawed off my leg with a buc! & All the other boys did the same thing, and that’s the way we lost the regiment. I tell you a man didn’t have much of a chance for his life until one doctor took his own medicine and the other died of lockjaw in an attempt to pare his toe nails."—Paris Bea- on, | nave xept none of it back. use for yours and Too Late. He took her hand in his and poured into her the soft, sweet story, told over and over again since the world was young. She smiled into his trusting face and coddled a liv oddle under his downy chin. “T love you s0,” he gurgled “Do you?” she murmured. will remain so.” “Dos “Don't plied. “But I love you darling,” he went on, “and [have given you my whole heart. [ It is all yours, “Then I he inqu conundrun u love me?” ask me she re- all yours.” > to do just what I please with?” in the sweet simplicity of girl- od, “Then T shall give it to Mary Martin. he wants it, 1 know, and I havn't got any Bob Brown's too, and Bob e me his last n You are too late, Ife had discovered that he was. - Merchant Traveler. What He Wanted OLp man Mix was a confirmed drinker and his wife knew it, but as is usual with woman, still adored him, and was fixing wp all sorts of palatable little dishes for him. jay at dinner she remarked: “My dear, just taste this; will you?” “ What is it?” he asked. Try it and It will make mouth water just to get a smell of it. “Will it? Well, take it away then. I don’t want my mouth to water under any circumstance: ater is too thin, If y« n give me hing to make my mouth liquor or beer, trot it out and do it as quick and as often as you want to, but no water, if you please.”"—Merchant Traveler. your A Bad One. m ole Aunt Ann like nei * asked little black Pete. he tumbled into his old father’s presence u ” replied the de- the knotted “Why am it nbor as lighted fe links on the child's head. sonny?” “Parson’s pup is black and it? “ Yaas, man. “Well, haint she black Aunt Ann too!” nd the youngster turned two handspring: nted on the front sidewalk.— I hite- hall Times. tan, haint in course it be?” replied the old Tried to Obey Orders. AT arecent primary election in Atlanta one of the candidates rallied his old soldier friends with the ery **Go in, boys, and vote as you shot! As one of the boys tried to vote the ger culled to him: **Tlere, you have got two ballots here!” “Well, ain’t that all right?” “No, it ain’t. “Didn't the Captain tell me to vote as I shot?” “Yes, but what has that got to do with your trying to shove in two ballots? “ Why, Luster shoot er double bar’l gun, yer dang fool!” But he only got box.—The Cracker. single shot in the ballot- | Awaiting His Second Coming. Nor long through the we grain. he n named Chrise travelled ern portion of Iowa buying contracted for any quantity of wheat orn at extravaxs gli prices, and created the idea that he waserazy. But he deposited money in the banks here and there with a free hand and left the impression that he was abundantly able to be eccentric ¢ deposited freely he {his reputation, thus out one or two thousand This fact was di by one of the banks during the president in. Des Moi was here for a several day's stay, but was in- duced to go home rather suddenly. by re- ceiving a dispatch as follow “We are anxiously awaiting the second coming of Chrise.”—Dex Moines Mail. vered sence of its president Living High. HAVE. been living pretty high for said the millionaire’s daughter friend who made her a visit. Why,” returned the latter, ‘I heard your father had kept you locked up in the k, for fear you intended to elope hh the coachman? ” Well,” replied the million; n't the garret pretty high The friend didn’t answer. fainted. —Norristown Herald. "s daughter, She had Going Into the Paint Trade. what will you do? This is the third time you've failed in’ business For goodness find something now that you can make money in. nat’s just what I’ve done. I’m going into the paint trade, and I shall keep only vermillion, for you know that is the shade i jar in all the towns now. ke, | Wien the old gentleman deeded all his | property to one son, the other referred to it as one of the old man’s misdeeds,— Hatchet, Don’t Wear Cumbersome Trusses when our new method without use of knife, is guaranteed io permanently cure the worst sof rupty nd two letter stamps for references and pamphlet. World’s Dispens- ary Medical Association, Buffalo, N.Y. caTAnne CURE Catareh at last f 1 him welthout nd a pletely caret and save Atul a Ls AS THE arown chemical > BEST TONIC