Judge — December 6, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1 LOST Burpcer—* Boyv—** Guess you have eat it up. ‘The clothes hoss ain't a very enterprising variety of the anmul. Its always standin’ ‘round the stove gettin in the way, but Jim says its and beats the world for ad t geri Out west the wild hosses (which is more dangerous as | to ketch) grows in large bunches or herds and rome the prairie’s, Tdon’t know what they rome it with. In winter they get frost-bitten ‘cos they don’t wear shoes and when attacked, collect into a circle and fire off their feet’ at the These (the feet I mean), the cow- in makin’ soupe, and such delikacys. This is all T kn ta hoss, soto finish this kompozition, I shall have to rite nuther one, Think I'll make it essay call it ers. abe nd A FAIRY STORY. Wanst onto a tir arth-worm came up outer the ground and began to look around. in’ no enmy near, it put two of its fingers into its mouth and made a funny soundin’ whistle. At the sound of the whistle a lot of little carth-worms alsi awled out, and then the assembly had a meetin’ to deside what kind of a xpedishon they should go onto. Finally the biggest worm, after leasurely picking a sow-bug outer his back teeth, struck a attitude which had been quietly sittin’ on a current bush close Ly, and declared that the crowd oughter gochestnuttin’. And xpresst great indignashon that the small boys should ketch on to all the nice nuts, So the other swung their hats and shonted and the eternul hills took up the refranes and ekode ’em back, (the refranes I mean, dowt know what's be APPETITE. come of me appetite!” chesnuts,). ‘Thats q outer of a medical almanack, and [ thin pritty good. Havin’ decided the paint at issue, (father’s ben usin’ this word lots lately), the company crawled off singin’ coll » throwin’ mud at everything, and using abusin’ lange » jist like perlitical procession There waz about a million of ’em in line, and when th t to the woodz they all took to the trees and “appropriated a bank cashier would Now if any of the little b step up to the platform, I'll’ show ‘m some of the fruit I bort down to ‘*Mike’s” stand | and they can see the earth-wormz ezy w out the use of a thermometer. Guess Jim thinks this a healthy ole Fairy him if it wouldn’t do, and he aid you've inserted a too large not th said,“ T'm nes of fact. I spoz that means something about the earth-wormz; next time I'll leave ‘em ont nd say “1 ’—some folks never is satistie A Defective Memory. ‘Tey lived on a farm, and he was sent to town to buy some whiskey and grocerie: returned home late that night without bundles, “What made you so late?” “ Busy,” he replied. “Did you buy any as she looker >, my got the Magazine. * she inquire y any groceries?” she asked, round for the parcels he replied, “1 for (hic) groceries.”—-Drake's Travelers’ A Gentle Hint. A prosy minister in a country church, when be had reached his “twelfthly,” became thirsty, and not finding any water on the shelf under the pulpit, ¢ “Brother Brown, there’s no water here.” “Do you want some?” inquired the dea- 3 was brought, and the preacher ecded to gulp it down, Mr. Goodlove,” whispered the deacon, waiting for the glass. “Well, what is it? stopping his libation. “Don’t you think you'd better offer a lit- tle to your sermon?” The discourse round.—Merchant 7 her, knocked out in the next aveler. She Saved Him. Darling,” she whispered as she stood be- le his chair and rubbed the bald spot on his 1 in the gentlest manner, ‘why this Eflie,” mi pre * Yes—ne he replied in a broken voice, pared to hear bad news?” What can it be?” “Tam short on pork, and the next ten days will probably witness my financial ruin.” “Oh, no! I can save you—yes, I can | save you!” low?” “Tl at once issue cards and invitations for our wooden wedding, which is only seven days away. We'll invite at least six hundred of our friends, each one of whom will be bound to send a present. Next day you can sell the whole business to some corner grocer, and secure enough cash to carry you through, Hold on for eight days, Richard, and we'll be long on pork and short on rolling-pins and potato-masher: Wall St. News. Not Shot Down. aid M nm glad to meet you, even though I ha Au, Colonel jor Higginson, “I ¢ But you know one is quite as willing to pert with bad news as with good. 1 know your former partner, Sim Bottleford, left: Ark w some time and went to Colorado.” “Yes, I correspond with him,” replied Colonel, Devilish fine fellow, let me nd even if he was my partner, he is a | perfect gentleman—I mean that I know he is a perfect gentleman, hat ad every oppor- tunity of discovering the fact. ** Very true, assented the Major ay, I have heard bad ne’ Sim is dead.” “What, dead! Impossible. I received a from him day before yesterday.” ot impossible, Colonel, for you know climate and business arrangements of Jo are sometimes sudden.” My Lord id the Colonel, dee} affected, “ what is this country coming te | Just to think, that fine specimen of man- hood killed like a dog—shot down like a wolf.” “Oh, no, Colonel, he was not shot down, He killed himself drinking.whiskey.” “Is tht so?” his face brightening. ‘ow you are becoming more compre- hensive.” Killed himself drinking, eh? I thought he had more sense than to get shot. Well, Tam glad that his death was not dis- ceful. It is riow itter to be shot down, sir; a very serious matter. Let’s step in here and geta little something.” —A rkan- saw Traveler. rather bad news th but, as sly — comicbooks.com