Judge — November 29, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. The overworked country editor, whose sleepless vigilance was required to keep out of his columns every bit of truth that made against his party, has leisure now to dilate on the unexampled turnipand the miraculous squash which Mr, —— laid on our table yesterday. The soap factory is shut up, and the white- her languishes withoat a job, Since the Fourth of November campaign lies are as unsalable as truth itself, The voter who is always putting his foot into it finds himself caught—in aclup-trap, of course. The earnest young voter who took ever: thing au serieux, and was sure that every one of the other candidates was a demon in- carnate, is now astonished to find that he is really not sure of it after all, and is only sure that he doesn’t care a shell-bark whether he is sure of it or not. The respectable and retired Flintstone, whom the brazen throated horns and hurrahs intoxicated into a fit of patriotism which lasted just long enough to begnile a hard- squeczed quarter out of his purse, is repentant nd suffering the pangs of remors The small boy who wore the Blaine cap, and the small boy who wore the Cleveland cap are not so mutually confident that my pop ean lick your'n, More lives have been destroyed since the close of the campaign than in it. Most of them were ‘Campaign Lives,” and valuable lives they were too, since they have lowered the price of kindling-wood. A generons action is never thrown away, They say Belva owes her handful of votes to the men whom, on various trying « ccasions, she excused from kissing her. The public-spirited countryman who left his team afield and sweated like a son of a F ngh that hot October after sup- per, and ris smashed head in raising that one hundred and fifty foot pole, now feels his patriotism at so low an ebb that he has reason to donbt whether he would find himself able to raise a pitch-fork to repel the British lion. The procession that did love to clothe it- self in smoke and dust is dissolved into its original nd each original atom dout whether that twenty dollar uniform wasn’t the dearest that ever wa The stump is dumb, and ineloquent now as the The “fellow” citizen has disappeared, and y-day citizen remains. doctiments are devoured just 5 the flames. In fashionable circles any kind of talk is fashionable that is not political. The voter who has been voting the losing ticket for twenty yeara, is damning himself, as usual, if he ever gocs near another election. The non-English foreigner can now travel throngh the States without falling ito the error that the four most important words in the English dictionary, and which occur oftenest in speaking the English language, are Blaine, campaign, Cleveland, tariff. d dry and witless ull of Yorrick. Ir is not, we believe, de rigeur in the world of fashion to wear the Latin tongue along with the Roman nose. “GENTLEMEN who discuss these momen- tons questions should weigh their words well. ‘That depends—suppose they can't. There is Reverend Joseph Cook, for exam- ple, who, if anybody, is a discussor of mo- mentous questions; if he tried to weigh one of his average-sized words, he wonld break down a Fairbauk’s hay-scales in the attempt. THANK: IVING INQUIR “Ma, what has that man got?” “Don't ax me, az the turkey.” “Paddy's Bank.” T ast in the auld house where we lived long ago, Justconvanient Atthe back of the hearth, where the buildin’ is thick, There's a dusty auld crivice behind a loose brick, And in auld times the fan In an auld knitted stock Iy threasures were there the worse of the wear. I mind once twenty pound bein’ hid in the heel, While a dozen half-crowns in the toe [could feel, And the silver and copper—t Filled the leg of the stockin’ When each sister got price of the crop— alf up to the top. partied, m And empty the stockin’ laddie would go ane down to the toc And me mother would kn For in mother's old stockin’s the coin always stuck, And in those days a house counted nuthin’ at all If there wasn’t a trifle Jed in the wall Now wel thema stockin' for luck, nk all our savin’ our lucky auld stockin’ we've folded away, We're not thrivin’ so well, and we've many a fret, But the hole in the wall is not morthared up yet, T think the affair is no subject for jokin’, T hear of bank failures and poor folks flat broken, So I'll draw out our savin’s, and Biddy asthore, Look out the auld bag, we will 1111 it once more. tT must say ‘or T think the auld mother set luck in each stiteb, And her blessin’ is in it to make us grow rich, three niguts, that me father’s poor soul Couldn't rest all along of that desolate hole So we'll fill And I've dhramed and good ick to our store the crivice once more mw. the man who invented the light- ning-rod was a great genius; but many a man before his time had discovered there was as much electricity in the pin he sat down on as in the rod itself. How beantifully has the poct sung of the hereafter in the lines, ‘* We shall know each other better when the mists have rolled away!” ‘Truly, we shall; but oh, what a bashful crowd we shall b stand Ulstheryou know: | | The Pedestal and Statue. Farr France, that spurns the tyrant’s yoke A all its iron fetters broke, | Sends greeting—Freedom’s voice outspoke— A Statue. To fifty millions brav Who know th Mumin: nd free, worth of liberty, New York bay, A Statue. The fifty millions brave and free One cent a head object to pay; They might have kept that thing away— That Statue. For of the fifty, forty-nine Do most decidedly decline To give a nickel or a dime For Statue. “We want no statue, give us grub With lager beer and old rum shrub, And then we'll all agree to snub The Statue.” Over all the length and breadth of land ¢ determined stand, he Pedestal be d—d, For Freedom now is but a name, guess we should be much to blame in a framo— Poor Statue Womay’s sphere—an apple dumpling. A FLOURY composition—a bread pudding. Tt isn’t always kind to do as you would be done by. For instance: a dog licks your hand through pure kindness; but when your | hand licks him he does not so regard it. i} Every man evidently thinks himself the most important and agreeable thing ever constructed; and yet, shut him up in prison, where he can have his own society undis- turbed for a few years, and he very soon wishes he could die, for a change. comicbooks.com e