Judge — November 29, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. GOULD'S GALL. Water Rat Govtp—‘ Three cheers for Cleveland. ass tnat carries me, than a horse that throws me.” Stick, my boy, to your long-eared friend, if you want to reach your journcy’s end. This isa great Sir Pries: the police- man remarked when he found a safe-burglar at work, Many a poor woman has drowned, first her honor in the clear water of diamonds, then herself in the dark waters of remorse. “Fools make feasts, and wise men eat them.” That is about the relation in which mugwumps stand to the Democratic party, “ Ho is cur-age personified,” said the fond owner of an old dog, who, despite his years, | had sent another dog away, yelping in defea Some people believe in always showing the best side of their nature to the world, but the Mohammedan doesn’t; he never shows his better half if he can help it. The sting of one little busy bee will make aman break the third commandment into more picces in one bricf moment, than he conld pick up and put together in a fort- night. Theatrical managers are endowed with rare powers. For instance more performers on a single 3x5 foot poster, than they can possibly get together on a 40x60 fout stage. This is genius. ‘The happiest man is he who is 0 ignorant that he doesn’t know how ignorant he is. The world was made for him; ’round him the universe revoly wise men are fools, and God is a father who doesn’t know half as much as the child who has outgrown him, “Have you heard the news,” said an ex- cited citizen, as he rnshed up to a group of friends standing on the corner, “ Jack Day they can crond | fell into a vat of boiling water, this morn- ing, « instantly killed.” » that’s tub bad!” one sympathetic soul. | “Horrible! Water death to lated anothe: “Tle was held in greatest steam, fully muttered a third. “Ah, well, he scald to a better world,” niously remarked a fourth, “Good-day,” said the first comer, as he left to spread the news still further. exclaimed 1” ejacu- ” mourn- Proceedings. A man on stilts—an upright proceeding. An iceberg in motion—a cool proceeding. A man going to pay a high bill—a ceeding. | A hen walking on the high | proceedi: | at pro- road—a foul | Careless little John at | Upon a bumble-bee, And, ‘tis r that | He ‘rose quite hurriedly, ot a wor But, before he'd settled equare, Across Bee's mind did flash: “TM run my stinger out, T swear, Before he makes a mash!" Johnny put his hands beh And found a bee was dead, And, where the bee had been, did find A place a little red WILL onasoER Tue coachman is foolish who wastes his time caring for horses. ‘The coachman who | succeeds is he who can show a couple of well conditioned calves, Throw me a life-preserver, ple After the Campaign. “Tue hurly-burly’s done, The victory*s lost and won.” Th e hasbeen run. Three times three for the winner. And now the grand stand is deserted, and the course is unracy as the la of the platform, The debauch 18 over. costs and headaches. The sea of upturned fices is without a ripple of langhter, without a wave of en- |thusiasm, Hus dricd up in fact, and in its | place a stony-eyed irresponsive flat. The fiery Congress candidate who roused his district as it had never been roused, carry- ling everything before him till election day, Jand then got duly left, is trying to under- stand the present standing of one who runs disastrous campaign partly on credit and partly on borrowed cash, | The Ce candidate who diligently | laid low and won by whispered lies and ehady | tricks, al finds the cup of victory as | flat asa schooner laden with stale beer, The simple patriot who trembled for his jcountry and his flitch of bacon while listen- ing to the dire thre of dissolution and rnin which the cleetion of the other can- didate would bring about, is now smoking his pipe in great peace of mind and relicson the world and the rest of the United States | to last through another eternity of four years, albeit the other candidate has been elected. The fresh, but gifted young country law- yer whom the managers encouraged to take the stump (at his own expense) and deluge the cross-roads with a flood of eloquence, and who magnanimously expected no re- ward but a boundless fume and the nickname of the American Cicero, has crept back to his den, which, though it seems smaller than ! over, is now a world too large for his shrunken feelings. Now count we the comicbooks.com