Judge — October 4, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wuen th And the a With a ten Sur F tint forestallin ner’s blush uy Where the little stars a Watch And the jack-odantern’s peepit keeping hove the mer low sleepimg, Twill meet my be Twill seek her find her. I will slyly steal behind her And with ki Till she sets the happy day? And when t And the summer rose is sheddin Oh, there'll he At the making of the hi pie Lass 1 wil wes Twill blind ber larley’s heading. a merry wedding Manhattan A Deserved Reward. A parry of tired travelers sat around the door of acountry hotel in Arkansaw. The proprieter, a gruff old fellow, sat on a cracker box. “What is this community noted for?” some one asked of the proprietor. “ Usly women,” he replied, “What!” exclaimed a man taken no part in the conversation, don’t mean it, do you?” “Rechin Ido, poder. This community has got the ugliest wimmen in the state.” “Tere, old man, take this ten dollar bill, I have traveled all over th e and thi the first neighberhood ['ve seen that not noted for its handsome women. Tama prohibitionist, but take this money and get drank on it, A truthful man should be re- warded.”—Arkansaw Traveler. who had You Didn’t Want the Job. A Con Necticet detective applied in New York for a position, + What's the pay?” he asked, after he had secured the place. * Fifty dollars a week and find yourself,” answered the boss, “Here's my resigns the job.” * Don't want it? What’s the Ain‘t the pay enough?” “Oh yes, the pay’s all right, nnecticut dete don’t bind ourselves to find anythin Just take that clanse out about finding myself and I'm your man.” “You ure very wise,” replied the boss, “and the objectionable proviso shall be ex- punged."—Merchant Traveler. ation. I don’t want matter? but us ‘Tur Chinese ought to make first-class boarders, from the landlady’s point of view, as adiet of boiled rice suits them very well days, with rat pie as a piece de resistance (think that’s correct, but haven’t any menu handy to copy from) for Sunday; but the Piute Indians are still more easily satisfied. Ten or a dozen of these nomads assorted sizes, will livea week on a bushel of grasshoppers ‘The first meal is clear soup, rich and unctuous; for the next meal water is added, and the hoppers re-boiled, and eo on every day until the favor is gone, when they are eaten, A field mouse or snake 13 some- times added to give body to the repast. The Piutes ought to be colonized in Kansas and Dakota, where grasshopper cyclones occur. —Peck's Sun. | you are obl THE JUDGE. “T TELL you [had a good time,” said Gus | toa friend; ‘never spent a pleasanter vacation | in the countr It was so nice to meet my ; old aunts. The old m looked famil and wholesome. It was a little singular, though, I thought, after telling how long I should stay to be led in the chamber reserved for me and be told: “This is the | room where your cousin John died of con- sumption, and Willie had the scarlet fever last winter, Opposite is where Liza breathed her last, but grandpa didn’t die on this floor; he died up stairs. Sort of made one feel at home, you know.”—Soston Globe, Some one should explain how Blaine be- » a millionaire on a Congressional 5,000 peranum.—Dem. Ex. We suppos that everybody knew how the Maine states- man accumulated his wealth. It has been reported that he made a great deal of money by purchasing coal lands and making other judicions investments; but this doesn’t ex- plain all his millions. The fact is, he le the bulk of his fortune by writing spring poetry for the Waverly ‘magazine. ‘Th nee of this fact may defeat his presidential hopes, but truth 1s mighty and must prevail.— Norristown Herald. He Should Marry. A YouNG man who had a good oppor- tunity to invest his money in a remunerative commercial enterprise, went to his father to few necessary pointers. After explain- ing to the old gentleman the many advantages offered him in the enterprise, he said in some dout “You know my business capacity, father. Do you think that I have the necessary qualifications? ” “1 will tell you, my son,” replied the honest, old merchant, “with your present qualifications you can not help but ue considerable wealth in this venture, but you stand in necd of one thing to become im- mensely wealthy.” ‘And what is that father?” young man. * My son, yon stand in need of a wif “Bat what has a wife to do with my success in business,” asked the surprised asked the son. “It has a heap to do with it, my hoy,” replied the experienced merchant. When your business increases on your hands, and ged to carry heaty stocks bought on long time, you will find it extremely to your interest to fail, and in that event, my son, you will need a wife, to whom you cain ‘ Il your property and money. Do you comprebend, my son? The young man comprehended, and im- mediately took unto himself that necessary commercial adjunct known as a wife.— Loss of Flesh and Strength, with poor appetite, ahd perhaps slight congh in the morning, or on first lying down at night, should be looked to in time. Persons afflicted with consumption are proverbially unconscious of their real state. Most cuses commence with disorderd liver, leading to bad diges.ion and imperfect assimilation of food—hence the emaciation, or wasting of the flesh. It is a form of scrofulous disease, and is curable by the use of that greatest of all blood-cleansing, anti-bilous and invigorat- ing compounds, known as Dr. Pierce's “Golden Medical Discovery.” A Dying Confe: Tury laid hin He had fo In his youth wut on his couch to die t like a here far aL time his Lope And be look Alas! that the That the br ‘That the noblest deeds And lifes ts was high promising star ast still die young, main unsung t schemes in the dust are Taid. | They gathered around his hed in ANth hat he f Doctors ved were brought near; nake all his ailments lear Vain were the efforts of man te keep The heart | He was pa | © to the rom pain and death nid of sleep, His hours were measured w Mwhy b aad hin breath No one eouk they pre Long he was silent And the ¢ At last he spake Wi Well Wal Twas the deme ude effort Now. are we my friends when Tam 1 piano-player next de —Philadelphia Call, Tie best Paul Herald. Mrs. Suan astonished her butcher last kK by asking if them ‘ Westfailure hams was a bank corrupt stock that he got hold on cheap.”— Boston Courier, four-in-hand—four aces.—St. we “Au, isn’t she a duck?” cried an admirer the ‘doctor's daughter ed. No pubt ,” rephed a mean wretch; * her father quack.” — Courier-Journal. pa Stump Orator—* 1 don’t think T take with the masses.” Admirer. nsenge! | You are earning golden opinions.” Stump | Orator—* Yes, it looks like it, when I speak J night after night and never receive the least applaus Admirer—** That’s what I said, Silence is golden, you know.” —Bos- ton Transcript. “Tete, Sinderson, old man, how are you?” and Jobkins nearly shook Sander- sarm off. Oh, I'm sas to be around, | How much do you want?” replied Sander- son, as h his fingers apart with a cheese knife.‘ How do 1 want? at do you mean?” you were 80 uncommonly glad to see me I thought you wanted to borrow some money. It's ‘the proper caper now-a-days to vam yum aud borrow money."—Brooklyn Times. Iexpricks—* Hello, Cleve have you been?” Cleveland— Ile ecks Cleveland—* Vl that in November.” Hendricks—** And you are freckled too! Look at your face and hands, old boy.” Cleveland—* That ain’t freckles, ~ That's where the mosquitoes and woud-ticks bit me. Hendricks—* Why didn’t you put mos- quito- bars or something or other over you to prevent them from biting you?” Cleveland—* [ didn’t the kind with me but a heavy blanket, it was too thick for hot weather.” HMendricks—* Yes, you did.” Cleveland—** No, I didn’t. If T had thing with me thinner than a blanket was it?” Hendricks—** Your purity and reform!” —Paris Beacon. nd! where Up in the Adirondacks.” -rds, how you are tanned?” be tauned worse than nd any- what comicbooks.com