Judge — September 27, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE NEW CHIMPANZEE THE JUDGE. AT CENTRAL PARK. weanteil. dye moind that?” Mixe—“ Pat, yrs only need hair all over ye, to have all the care taken of ye that yees Sure, they'll have thim things imported to work fur de corporation after a while, improvements are so great, and so—so rapid, that soon there will be very little butter left to improve on. To sneeze is nothing uncommon, and yet, | to judo by the astonished look on a man’s face when he has safely emerged from the operation, one would think it the most sur- prising occurrence in a life-time. | You say. Augnsta, you want a portrait painted that will not flatter you? Then, | my dear, give the commission to some | woman artist, and you'll be sure to get what you want. Women never flatter one | another. Sume scurrilous chap says Ben Batler | parte his hair with a towel. Fortunately, we are able to nail this _malicions campaign lie to the same door with the others. — Ben- jamin does not use a towel—it’s a sponge. The heart of a Greenland whale is a yard in diameter. Let's see, it would supply how many men we know with the essential organ of life? Say two thou—but there, we give WA mathematics are unhealthy to wrestle with, The tribulations of the young man never cease. Now that the glacial food of summer is losing its attractiveness for his girl of girls, the omnipresent oyster is at hand as substi- tute, and the deuce of the beastly business 1s that it costs a good deal more. Youre Bottopp.r— There, there’s the | woman I was speaking of—Miss de Vank- hh. She's talking with that sorrel-topped chap in the corner over there. — Isn’t she | magnificent? Sticklebody—‘ Yes, rather fine girl. Lit- He Heary built, perhaps, but fine girl, fine girl. Young B. (indignantly)—Fine girl! By Jove, sir, she’s the season's beauty! She can turn any man’s head who comes within a rod of her! Sticklebody (thoughtfally)—I’m not so sure of that. There’s Gns Caraway, for instance; I don’t believe she could turn his head if she tried her best. In fact, I know she couldn't. Young B. — How do you know she couldn't? Sticklebody—Because he’s got the stiff neck, ALtHovoa it is a freely acknowledged fact that young men nowadays are not over- attentive church-goers, yet it must be ad- mitted that they never lack in attention to the fairs. Hay Fever. To th and wheezer by a fellow Hear the sufferers with Gentle What misery they 208 tell as they break upon the | breezes. How the tender creatures sneeze With every breath of air, Thou: And dre To save the i they keep within the house themselves wit « from the » e7es, SnLEZES, Shee From the worry and the flurry f the sneezes, Hear the Fe What suffering they bring rill and piercing sucezes— ful sneezes— those awful pests and teases. them from afar; dread « They herald th And soon th arch ADP victim whi le breezes, t the woe appe and the coughing: What a racket As the ster 1s burst on the of n . ‘They wake you from your slumbers in a dread d wild affright, ‘Too sore distressed to speak, The victim only wheeze And snorts, and ¢ d sneezes; For in vain relicf th ‘k, From the cous! d the gaspings, and the sneezes, Icar the wild, stentorian sneczes— Appalling sneezes— At the dread, affrighting sound your vital current freezes; And soon a dire distress upon the viet And with worn a And They yie ‘And no medicit The ills they m From the snortings and the 1 ndoned to de them to the pings, and the sneezes, rate, Sympathising friend ad to hear you have hopes of captering your burglar and getting back those bonds. Senior Partner—* Had, till yesterday, when my young sap-head of a partner took it into his head to employ a¢ “ Bad that, certainly, but “Yes, but it isn’t the worst; what makes the thing look altogether hopeless is this— the detective writes to say that he has found aclew, Shallow literary chap—“T say, this Ar- nold, you know, that the college boys and the Fourth of July spouts cull the great is he the same Arnold that ain’t going to write a book about America?” Deep literary chap— Why, Moses’ grand- mother, man! Where do you go for your history? No;the Arnold you are on belongs tothe Samson branch of the family, and was .consecrated like—like Alex—I° mean like Hannibal Hamlin, when a boy, to pitch everlastingly into the Philistines. The other Arnold was called Benny Dick—dead these ten years. Washington shot him at West. Point for hanging Major Dix when he ordered General Andre to haul down the American flag on the spot. comicbooks.com