Judge — September 13, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. ADVOCATE of- TM Hengey anol Thival} Damocesty SOUR GRAPES. Jos. Harper (with a long drawn sigh)—** these grave, volumes, to-day might I, hanging on (Slightly twisted from Shak Nasby. Mr. Nasby Has a Vi in it,—Ilow the Be Cleans Which Has Much 3 ld Giant, Demecracy, Conrenertt X Roaps (wich is in the Sate uv Kentucky), July, 20.—I hed another dreem last nite wich left a indelible impreshn on my memry, I don’t understand why I shood continyelly dreem, but vishuns come to me nitel n't tell why Tt can’t come from fizzekel causes, for I live reglerly, ez I alluz hey done. I fill up reglerly at Bascom’s every nite, the amount I hist in dependin onto the temper uv the old man or whether ther is a stranger from Looisville there, and [ roll off toward my peeceful couch at about 12, and sleep ez [ hey alluz done. Why, then, shood I dreem more now than I used to? In my dreem last nite, methawt the old giant, Dimocrisy, waz trotted out to be put in order for the regler four old grooms and backers wuz with him, but it looked ez tho by common consent they hed turned over the keer uv him to a noo lot wich hed him in hand. There wuz George Wilyum Curtis, and the -eddytor uv the Noo York Times, and Henry Ward Beecher, and a lot uv fellers from choosits wich wuz and makin sej done to IM IVE HIS CONDISHN, ‘orge Wilyum looked him all over keer- Massa- a examinin him critikelly tjuns ez to wat shood be fully. fhere’s too many spots on him,” wuz the remark, “Here is a very sor ery,” ashen,” Rites, blemishes. spot marked ‘Slav- another * Repoodi- another ‘Free 'T'rade,’ another ‘State's and a dozen others wich are positive ‘They must be removed.” Jimmy's eare’s ** Had my neck, have talked of Cleveland's Henry av.” “but d kin to sed the Massachoosits fellers, ibtlis they are only skin deep, and | asily be rubbed ont.” ‘The fust thing 6 therefore is to rub them ont.” ackly,” sed Curtis.‘ We will im- | mejitly’ perceed to rub them out.” he old backers smiled a sardonic smile, for they knowd the giant better than that, but they cheerfully furnished brushes and consentratid I sorts uv powerful and Mr. Beecher, and the Mas rs went at it. They applied the soap and the hot water, and they scrubbed at the spots an hour or two, till t wuz out uv breath, but it didn’t somehow remove them. — In fact, the frickshen made em shine out all the more prominent. ‘They stopped and gazed at em. “TROOLY,” SED GEORGE WILYUM, “T hev scrubbed faithfully, and hev redoosed the size uv the giantan inch, but the spot remanes ez dolefully plain ez ever.” “Verily,” sed the Massachoosits fellers, “the spots we hev bin workin at ure not eradicated by no means; on the contrary, they are even more disgustfully visible to the nakid eye.” Then they commenst agin. The body uv the giant wuz bein’ visibly redoost under the operashun, for it seemed ez tho all ther wuz uv him waz dirt, but the spots remained. They wuz puzzled to know wat to make it. Finally, Henry Ward Beecher, wich erubbed more faithfully than any uy em, took a penknife and jabbed vishusly around the spot he hed bin workin at, and made an eggsaminashen, and threw down his brush and soap in despair. “It's no use!” wuz “Serubbin was in vain. not mere! through! his breef remark, Those spots are skin deep — they go cleer et self hut published half “roo,” said George Wi hey made the same diskivery LET Us CUT EM OUT.” Then the old backers interfered, and pro- hibited it. ** Ef you cut em out you kill the giant. _Its born in the flesh, and can’t be eradicated. To eradicate the spots wood be to eradicate the giant. Its uv no yoose. Yoo must take him ez he is.”” The Massachoosits fellers took one good look and one smell uv the giant carkiss the hed been workin at, and holdin their noses retired with great rapidity. George Wilyam Curtis and Henry Ward Beecher. tried. to git » but they hed permitted the to git a grip onto em and they coodn’ they laid down beside him. Just awoke * . um Curtis, “1 then I . * . . . . ‘Ther is a moral to this dreem wich noon | knows better than I do. The fact is, Dim risy is Dimocrisy, and it ain’t nothin el We can’t make it over or improve it. Dimocrisy wuz 24 years ago It is no ain’t nothin el Horris Gree! reform us, but it endid in roe without doin us any good Pare tryin to hide be! hind Cleve CLEVELAND IS TOO THIN, and the people see through him. him is thesame old carkiss. George Wilyam ' Curtis and Henry Ward Beecher, ‘and them fellers are tryin to do suthin wid it, but they can’t undo facts or change the her uv the animal. Dimocrisy is Dimoc ter who is in the saddle or who is engine the race. It’s one and indivisible, a | same and eternal—ef we cood only lay down and die and be born agin, or suthin, it wood be encurridgin; but no matter what cloak we put on, er what we perfess, it’s the sume old cancer, wich kills everything it touches. Tam afraid I shell never sit in that post offis agin, nor will Deckin Pogram toast his shins at the cheerful grate in the Collector's oflis. Our strength is our weeknis. If we don’t stay Dimerkratic we ain’t nuthin, and if wedo stay Dimerkratic we are killed. We can’t go over to the Republikins for wat chance wood we hev ther, aud to by ourselves is starvashen I am going to call a convenshen to makea compromise with Blaine. I am going to offer him the privilege uv runnin the gov ernment ef he will permit us to hold the oftises. Ef he declines this our case is hope- less indeed. now Behind Petroveea V. Nasny (Like Bunyan in Prisn, —Toledo Blade. Ils little go—his ego. Whew an iron-clad Democrat threatens to bolt the ticket, there ts no doubt that he will—bolt it as he bolts an oyster—by swal- lowing it whole. Grow1s the only half-satisfied Democrat of the old school, ** this youngster, Cleve- land, may have a great future before him, | but has he any worth mentioning behind him?” Trenre is an old moss-back Pennsylvania Democrat, of the Berks County vari never missed-an election in sixty y always voted histicket unscratched, to say, the venerable man still lives and his stomach remains unturned—which maj owing to the circumstance that in his baby- hood he was suckled by an ostrich, and when he came of age he inherited the craw of a quartz crusher. 8, and trange comichooks.