Judge — August 23, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. The Execration and the Eulogy. Aw Execration, lying in the shade read- ing a newspaper, ‘was approached by a Eulogy. “Anything new, Exec “Yes, I’ve lost a job.” “Tow’s that? Panic knock you out?” “No; but you know Mr. Prominent Man?” What, that generous gentleman, so kind yet so firm, so proud yet so humble, so pro- found yet so simple? “Yes, that old skinflint so full of taffy yet so pig-headed, so vain yet so obsequious, 80 bombastic yet so purile; ‘that’s the fellow. “What of him “Why, he’s dead, of a job.” “I'm sorry for vou, Execration, but your n; death gives me plenty of "Chicago News. jon and that throws me out The True Nobility. Weattny Fatnen— Who was that raga- muffin I saw vou walking with this afternoon ‘on the street?” Daughter—“A very nice young man.” ““A-nice young man? I'should think so! Why, his clothes were all torn and his face and hands where very dirty He can’t help that. He had just finished and hadn’t time to ch his clothes.” “But do you consent to make an equal of a common day laborer.” ‘He is no day “ What is he?” “A plumber’s apprentic “Oh, that makes adifference. I’m glad to sce you appreciate true nobility. Ask him around to dinne I should like to meet him.”—Rochester Post Express rer.” Raising on Two Thousand Pairs. Cute ig man to is a great city,” said one trav- nother, as they got off a train big place. Did you ever see them raising houses and building the first story last? “No. Do they do th “Yes, all the time. Why, some time ago they raised the whole ‘Tremont House with four thousand jacks.” hs How many?” ur thousand.” “Thunder! It aidn't take so many, did it? By gravy, I saw a fellow down in Cin- cinnati, about a week ago, go into one of the biggest establishments there, and I’m a sucker if he didn’t raise the whole house with two jacks, Prettiest game of bluff I ever saw, ‘The other man gave Cincinnati the lead, and Chicago came in a very fair second.— Merchant Traveler. Wostex do love one another, It is only a woman who thinks of kissing a man for his mother.—New Orleans Picayune. ADVICE to an astronomer—Do not mistake a meteor for a comet in case the former should meteor eye.—Boston Transcript. We have at last discovered why our gas bill is so high. ‘The meter is —it must have gas-trick fever.—Fvansville Argus. Fites are said to be scarce in cholera years, Flies are me) enough this y to drive Hartford Post. | | | wife Two Definitions. “MasMa, what is a man?” six-year-old of her mother. Oh! aman is a great big thing that has to be supporte “What am a woman, “Why woman is he adde listened attentively, clutching iron as she did 80.—T'hrough Mail. asked a little gawk of a a--why a his a flat- Great for Economy. New York hote you are examining? Clerk—* Its new invention—a spring that you attach to gas jets so that when the light is blown out the gas will turn itself off.” Hotel-keeper—* people have that way here? Clerk—** Seventeen last We should have this new all the rooms.” Hotel-keeper.—* a great saving of g ceper—** What is that little “Tet me see. How man cidentally killed themselve I think. ent put in year, attach m Yy . indeed. Tt will be — Philadelphia Call. A Story of Blaine. A GENTLEMAN who was recently in Au- gusta tells a good story of Blaine.” His let- | ter of acceptance was being discussed and his comp: and guest expressed some surpr irkable showing he had made of figures in support of the tariff policy, saying that he had never seen the grouped in so forcible a manner befor Mr. Blaine said it reminded him of a little story. “An Irishman who had lately come over went to his employer and asked him to write a letter to the old folks at hom The em- ployer took his pen and Pat dictated: “Wud yer honor plaze tell ‘em I have | mate wanst'a day “Why, and of ave meat twice always vr,” said Pat, ‘that’s thrue, but I'm tellin “em now more thin any eny in the hull county will belave.’”—/owa Capital. What's in a Name. Tire docter looked at the patient’s pulse, felt of his tongue, and said with Spartan brevity: * Bile! “1 can't,” 8 rich man, gloomily. “Tm not mr case,” suffering returned the doctor. You are from an idiosynerasy “Good heavens!” “Will kill me?” “It will in. time,” solemnly. And now the rich out if he has originated a new. dises or if it’s only the doctor's Tatin name for tape worm.”—Detroit Free Press. ped the putient- answered the docter, man is trying to find Way not run persident. Ife contro has the best show ir Phineas ‘I. Barnum for the bigest canv nd he world.—Brooklyn the old girl did ‘ature then as she ae? feet make a rod,” But then the Ch ely in Vi arithmetics, not fi Sunday in Chicago. Cineaco Preacher—** Y has been very meagre lately; but I had a grand congregation last Sunday.” isi Last Sunday? Wh T saw by the papers that it stormed here ter- ribly last Sun the attendance is, it rained pitch- your church w ccount for it?” the weather w nad to pospone the races “low do you “Well, you see that they Call. s so bad —Phile. He Wasn't the Kind. “Boy!” he called as hy post-oftice boot-black, * handed a dollar bill unged, and you beat nts?” “No, sir.” “Look out! pped his fingers e you the lad to yesterday to get me out of th How do you know you look like the boy who'd uilling when I could walk Stranger, yoa must have beat you out of 3 off with the dollar! got hold of some poor lectle kid who's just Detroit Free Press. begun bizn The Delegate’s Breakfast. *Wirat have you got for breakfast?” in- ired a guest of a waiter at the Palmer Hou a + Cracked 1c 1 bromide o spon Itzer leme potassium, ades, iced-tea was the re- ireat Cassar, man, hain’t ham an’ eggs an’ taters an’ coffe ied the ped guest, “Oh, [thought you were a delegate,” said the waiter, and then he handed out a bill of fare, and the man from Sangamon County | ordered «a Lack-woods breakfast. But the waiter knew what a delegate want- ed just the same.— The Hatchet. you got no ak an’ bread Two Forms of Malaria. “You are looking Mr, Kosbyshell.” Yes; I feel somewhat rocky.” Nervous prostration?” “No; mals ria.” Malari yu amaze me.” “Well. L call itm: 1. You see, the truth is last Saturday we had a birthda lebra- tion and we've all had malaria since, \ birthday celebration ? Yes; Jobin M. Dandy 9 last Saturday, and we—” “Ah, yes—I see; but where is John?” » He hasn’t shown up yet; ours is a mild type of malara, but T recon he’s got it in the acute form.’ —Chicrg tough this morning, 3 24 years old ews. Tue annual production of beer in this country gives 400 mugs to every inhabitant. Have vou disposed of your share?—Hart- ford Post. Woe Chin Foo savs the principal quali- ties requisite for a Chinese belle are check and nerve. This a very fortunate thing for the Chinese-belle. If beanty was the ‘acteristic desired, she would be g failure belle. — Norristown | He raid.