Judge — August 23, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A— Great Scott! B—" 1 of the Wooden Shoon” so my voice quiver on the : psed at the “ wooden shoon. ’ Certainly I do not shine in but Mrs. Bic came forward, and said, with a contemptuous | smile, that her nie Miss Nightingale, would be happy to sing. She didn’t look happy at She looked very nervous, in- deed, but she did her t nd sang a song about spring. a > birds, had on a whit een ivy S sown all over It struck me she look like a spring chicken, nicely boiled and dressed with parsley and butter. No one till Mrs. Bickering went, and past mid- I felt | refully, anil’ fairly bears rolling aw; vowed, that if . how solemnl. Il the Bickerings in Christen- dom were dyi vation, they should never dine with me again, After all there is no greater mistake in the world, than it is for little bodies to ask big ones to dinner. And there are some bodies so big, that under certain circum- stances the Metropolitan Opera House, if they had it all to themselves, would not be big enough to hold them. How the Bicker- ing of the ark got on, I not tell. Iam sure, he found it pokey and crowded enough and I have since taken the trouble to trace the family histor: back, and I find there have t s among very low grades indeed, since Noah’s time, and I | very much doubt they got their bears out of the ark, for I have clear proof they were ! What has happened. wnpired an amateur game of base-ball, last week.” | with him—perhaps paid du old fellow 2” purchased by the present Bickering shortly before his marriage. He got the idea in Eng: land, and, I suspect, bronght them back yon them, but all this is none of my busine I would go my own way and let other folks go thei they would only let me alone, for theirs is nothing of the mean tattling, gossiping, mischief-making, meddling, busy-body, old maid about. Tapitua TompKi Dors Chic Rhyme with Docs Chicago Rhyme with Far Does Chicago Rhyme with morgue? Does Chi Rhyme with bra ont High tied—a man dangling from the limb of a tree with a noose around his neck. A MODEL DOCUMENT. To avoid unfortunate complications, such as saving too muc enough, we re- spectfully submit to Mr. Cleveland’ the fol- lowing perfectly safe and non-committal let- ter of acceptance Albany, Aug. —, 1884. Nomination accepted. Thanks. Grover Cleveland. if | You Bet You Won't. m is in his ey He say's he's sought work 0% Oh, if he'd but a chance to try, He'd work his bones and muscles so: But just, ere listening to his er; A nuxony gle: Point to the wood pile by the door.— He'll turn away with weary si And you'll never sce him more, —Philadelphia Catt, Waked too Suddenly. how a startlin » who are sleeping when suddenly and ener- woken. The other morning, on the Chie: & Alton rail- nearly all the passengers were ly- in their chai sound ep, azy man jumped up and shouted at the top of his voice: “The Devil is chief cook and bottle washer in hell!” “Amen!” shouted a preacher, awaking with a start. “Rah for an Irishman. “Three times and sold for twenty dol- lars,” bawled an auctioneer. *T object,” snorted a lawyer. [ call your hand,” said the gambler, Whoa-haw, Buck,” eried a farmer. “M ” sighed a masher. id a boxer, and then acher with his grip- s and the auctioneer rapped the aah: er over the with his umbrella, and the Irishman kicked the gambler, and the farmer bit the Iriseman’s ear, and there was more fun for a few minutes than that man ever had in the same length of before, and he imagined that his | preaching and exhorting was converting them all.—Through Mail. sentence sound. It is curions h Blaine and Logan,” roared the sack No Place to Die In. ® day during a noted Kentucky cam- paign, and while the Confederate army was passing through Allen county, General Breckinridge, aproaching General Hind- man, said: «We are only a short distance now from Bear Waller, and are not very far from Jim- town.” The solemnity of his manner attracted Ifindman’s serious attention, and regarding mridge with a long look of inquiry, he asked: ** But, General, why does your nearness to those places so concern you?” Vell, you see,” Breckinridge replied, “I will be my fate to be killed in an ac- tion at Jimtown or Bear Waller. Bear Waller!” he repeated. ‘* The thoughtof be- ing killed at a place with sucha name makes me sick!”— Toledo Blade. “Avast there, you lubber; d’ye want to run us down?” yelled an old sea captain visiting in St, Louis, and who was enjoying a drowsy sicsta in the veranda, It was only a St. Louis girl coming up the street. He mistook her cars for the sails of a schooner. —Brooklyn Times. AxovuT 4,000 comets have been seen since the records began. Owing to the more gen- eral enforcement of the liquor laws within the past few years the list haa not been grow- ing so fast as might be desired.—Burlington Free Press, comicbooks.com