Judge — August 23, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ie BS oe How to Handie a Gun. “Tap first thing you do when you go hunting with another boy is to guard your- self against aceident. The best way to do this is to shoot the other boy before he has time to load his gun. ‘Then take both guns to the nearest creek and throw them in, Throw the powder and shot in after them. If you have any matches about your clothes, throw them in also. hen start at once and go home as fast asever you can, And if you are under eighteen ye oung, the chances are, even with these pre that you will get both legs and a section of your buck filled to the brim with bird shot hefore you reach home.” How? ‘Goodness only knows, my son, I don’t. I have often wondered how it did happen, but I could ne Tam not here to advance ingenious theori but merely to state cold facts, and I know it to be a solemn truth that a boy with a single-barrel gun tw as long as himself can manage some- how to shoot himself in more places at once than a man can with a seven-shooter revol- ver. And am I going to buy you a gun? Yes, I am; sometime in the long vacation when time hangs heavily on my hands, and I think I would enjoy entertaining you by picking shot out of your legs with a nut- pick + But you will be very careful with it is a woman very careful with an umbrella, my son, and yet science is unable to account for the startling increase of one-eyed men every summer.”—Burlington Hawkeye. Cannibalistic. A Watsvt Hills lady had been entertain- ing a friend of her husband, and the next y her little girl said to her: Mamma, ain’? we cannibal “Of course not,” was the reply, “Why did you ask that? “Because I heard papa say we had Mr. Jenkins for dinner yesterday. Merchant Traveler, Almost Out of Dogs. “ Manian.” said an Allan county peasant tohis other half, “ have you enny idee how many young ’uns we have?” “Nigh onto ‘leven, I guess.” “And how many dogs are they round y’ere?” ‘Most a dozen, I guess; there’s Tige, an’ Bruce, an’ Growler, and her four pups, an’ the hound, an’ the terrier, an’ them others o’Hank’s that loaf round y’ere.” “Yay, ‘leven children and only a dozen dogs—Mariar, don’t ye think we have ’most too many children? Times is most tarnation hard, ye know. Say, can’t we put out some o’ our chunkiest gals to work? I ‘low that could make enough in a spell for us to another dog or two.” ve say, Hezekiah.” Vall, I "low f we could swap two of our “uns fur four more dogs, we'd be fixed, I'll try it.”— Hoosier. A narner says—barbers are forever say- ing something—that it is the rich and not the poor man who becomes bald the soonest. The harber is probably right. A poor man’s bless- ing. you kno ‘The less there is to inherit, the more abundant the heirs.— Boston Tran- script. THE JUDGE. ‘Tur skating rinks at This prominent New York house shipped to Sara- toga yesterday.—Brooklyn Times. uratoga are open. ‘THe Concord School of Philosophy opened its sixth term yesterda Wear a bag of ice er on your head while reading the reports of its sessions. —Hartford Post. “Wiry, pa look what a big store, see the other end of it, what is it Tommy Bushman when on a visit to Chica- go with his pa.‘ Oh, that’sa Chi store, Tommy,” replied Bushman lyn Times. I can’t asked 0 shoe Brook- No women are employed in the New York City Post Office, and a sour-minded youth intimates the fact that the New York’ office is the best managed in the country.—Boston Post. A Cutcaco lady has bleached her hair to match the shade of her bright sorrel horse. Some of her friends, however, when they se her out with her husband, think she at- tempted to change the color of her tresses to match his nose, and didn’t get the tint quite enough of a strawberry blond.— Norristown Herald. | “Tam Nobody's Darling,” i |a new popular song. We can in feelings of the fellow who wrote it. Nobody’s Darling,” and it is a g relief to us, in more ways than one, during ason of cream und peaches.— Lowell We, too, Yes remarked Fenderson, “Tw: but [am now on my feet again.” ‘A you,” replied Fogg, glancing at Fenderson’s No.’ 11's; “you ure lucky. Nothing, [should , could overthrow you.”—Boston Tran- script. Escaping the Mosquitoes. “Titan le: quitoes cannot fly very high, came down to the seashore Ia in the top story.” “Well, you got them?” “Yes, but they were all occupied and I had to pay the occupants a big bonus to move to some other hotel, and the conse- quence is these mi: ble attics cost me about as much as the finest apartments on the sec- ond floor front. ” ** But you are free from mi ree from them? ‘They nearly eat me.” “Why, how did they get at yo “The darned things came up in the cle- vator.”"—Philadelphia Call. that mos- nd so when [ ked for rooms nitoes? ” The Only St. John Man. “Panpow me, sir, but you did not cheer as the procession passed; you are not a Blaine man?” Yo, Lam not.” You think, should—” You mistake me, sir; I am not for Cleveland.” Then it is Butler whom you—” “Wrong aguin, sir; I could not consistent- ly vote for Butler.” ‘* What! not for Blaine, nor Cleveland, nor Butler? You must be a Prohibitionist, then. You're the first St. John man I’ve met this year!” “I'm sorry to hear you say that; I’m St. John himself.”—Chicago News. then, that Cleveland accounts for the car load of arnica a | | the box that the only thing in it is a card s the name of | gine the | pretty hard pressed for money for awhile, | ALEXANDER is said to have died after a great feast, and the Frenchman who drank nine siphons of soda water and expired did also sigh for new worlds to conquer.—Bos- ton Transcript. What is the use in talking about the Democratic ticket being proof against the ppain rhymaster? How long will it be before something like this appears? We'll shout for our man and his important appen: dix! | We'll hoop ber up lively for Cleveland and Hen dricks!— Chicago Neves Ir there is anything that will make a man | cordially hate himself it is when he takes a | walk about a mile to the post office to find that he has left his keys at home, and then on going home after them to find on opening — | notifying him that his box rent is due.— Boston Post. Awxwarp Ipiot—*‘ Your train is quite long, Miss Luey.”” Miss Lucy—*' It will not be so long if you take two feet off of it.” He had intended to conduct her to the supper table, but he had to get off the train very suddenly, so that some other youngman | undertook to conduct her to the banquet hall. —Teras Siftings. Tur great trouble with these wonderful Gcorgia girls is that their miraculous powers are put to no practical use, If, for instance, they could raise a loan fora fellow in a bus- iness strait, or lift a mortgage from the homestead, they might be of some use in the community. But, alas! there appear to be || limits even to their strength.— Boston Tran- script. } A SovTHern claimant, vus trying to push his claim through Con; failed, be- cause his proposition was unconstitutional. Meeting a Friend, he said: “Well, Bill, I failed in that little mat- | ter.” “ How was that?” \] “On account of a flaw in the Constitu- — ( tion,” was the reply.— Washington Hatchet. | MM) Accidental Insurance. $25 nity Membership Fee, 5. Annual Cost $10,000 Tasurance with $50 Indem Write or call for cfreul European permits wil B. PEET. Pre comicbooks.com