Judge — August 2, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

12 THE JUDGE. Under this ante Barnum’s what-is- elysium lavishly fu like mangers, for I (To be Old Parker's Oxp Parker—t everybody had got him’ old,” and hi years—was readit ‘Bungstarter; and, hopeful got in on hi action, pumping Hopeful. — much.” ¢ ask Hupefal. other man was ta butcher tell the “straddled the bli hard man to buck 0. —* What could ride I'd forgotten abo: how he would buce any Injun that ever | nigger that ever tucky is a great pli “ Hopeful.—* 1 to do with it’t all, niggers and mules with ‘straddling th oO. PL Well, the que what make: want to r Hopeful. — knowed, pop—I_k : Well, and let me ¢ you a ad.” 1y ri— Hopeful struck fect came off the rested, and from h open gungway, voc! the ‘blind,’ pop; fellar goes "fore th four. Do you ca was on his feet then and goin, marked: “That bo all the to-da der if th little he plunged inte the importance of he had been wrest] by young Hopeful. part in angeliesmile —* Cause other man —“Oh! 1" blind mule he ownec only me, beeai r things you ask about th * Give it up Before the “ p” but like a quarter-horse, which well cnough pleased his father, who re- seems to know something about it.” edeluvian edifice a sort 0” it slumbered, in spite of the flie Long and with variable emotions did I gaze upon this ‘sleeping beauty; and I’m sure fhe was dreaming of rich pastur den meadows and a mule- rnished, with cornucopia could see his asinine lips while his physical an- atomy sidiously and with unwavering, im, kicking blue-bottles into the next Congressional district. croxor pear. Continued.) too Previous Boy. he was not over fifty, but into the habit of callin, ud socalled him for fift as usual, his ten-year-old him with his double-back- r, 80 to put it. | Hopeful. 4, what's ‘straddling the blind?” O. P.—*** Straddling the blind?’ Why straddling a blind horse, or one of the win- | dow-blinds; anything of that kind,” that ain’t it, pa—not then—what makes you the butcher and an- uking, and I heard the that old Parker every time and was a inst.” pose he meant an old years ago that nobody he bucked so. ut that mule—my stars! ! [think he’d a bounced r lived, or any Kentucky straddled a mule! K nd’ ace for mules, Bol fuh! that hain’t nothing pop, What's Injuns and and Kentucky got to do ne blind,” huh? if you know better about in I do, ar out, I kK me? “*Cause I wanted to see if you now. ull right, if youdo, Now, yet through this editorial.” do you?” confounded boy, ou or for the door as his dad’s chair on which they had is coign of vantage in the iferated: “ «Straddling the blind’ is doubling upon and the ‘blind’ is what a e cards is chucked round, If the *blind’s’ two pennies, the ‘ straddle’s’ on, was pronounced his dad Bob was on the skip is too previous by a long shot; boys are. I shouldn't won: ipscullion plays draw: he ‘Then an editorial disquisition on forest preservation, which ing with when interrupted en | his favorite paper, The | School Day Reminiscenses. Os occasions of great moment, such as an unexpected holiday, the spirits of the boys had to find vent in some way, and it was not alw trictly in accordance with the rules. The evening before one of these events I | had obtained permission to wake the boys | with a drum, as the teacher in charge thought this would do the work more thor- oughly, on account of its novelty, than the bell ‘ordinarily used. At six o'clock promptly, I was up, and without stoppin to dress, I took the drum and started down the corridor, hammering with all my might. This, of course, brought all the rest of the boys to their doors, when n one of them took a tin whistle by w. e- hind me, playing the ‘Rogues March.” A cry of ‘fall in” was raised, and soon the unu- suul spectacle was presented of seventy-five | boys in airy costumes solemnly marching to the music of that suggestive melody. We went down stairs, out and on the play-ground, and started to go around it, bat hadn’t got more than half way, when a teacher came ou: in a state of rage and dishabille, commanding us to return at once, which we did, but without breaking line, and_fifir and drumming all the wa: It was well for us that we had as much fun out of it as we did, for our holiday was taken from us, we concluded that our ark hardly paid. Even the awful authority of the principal did not exempt him from being made the butt of an occasional practical joke. Onc I remember, when his ho: and buggy were at the door, waiting to take him to a funeral where he was to officiate (he being a clergy- man as well as a principal), an impish boy unbuckled the reins at the bit, crossed, and unfastened them. Mr. S. soon came out, climbed laboriously into the bug nd started at the furious rate of three miles an hour. The old horse knew the way out, and zo there was no trouble until he came to where the rex? forked. Mr. S., wishing to go to the right, pulled that rein, but the superannunated animal solemnly took the left. Our principal stopped, backed out with a good deal of trouble, and tried n —but with the same result. Once more he backed and tried, this time using the whip together with some emphatic language, but the old beast still went wrong and was brought up with a jerk; but this time our thing, for he pulled one line, then the other, got out and changed them, whipped | up and rattled away, disappearing in a cloud | o1 dust. Tere was at one time a considerable scare about ghosts at our school noises being heard at different time our room especially, so that for a long time none of the fellows would go near the place alone after dark; but these stopped, passed this folly partially wore off, and some of the bolder ones would venture in, so as to read the forbidden dime novel in security. Having overheard a scheme of this sort, my chum and I resolved to try to revive the and so keep the place for ourselves. To this end we procured an old. leather shot-pouch, hung it bottom upward from the ceiling, and suspended a large tin pan by the handles directly under its mouth. Then we tied a string to the pouche’s stopper, assed it through the keyhole, shut the worthy preceptor seemed to suspect some- | door, drew the string ht from the out- side, made it fast to the door-knob and re- tired to our room to listen, Soon th reptitious novel readers came; we heard the | door creak on its hinges, then the shot be- |} gan to drop with a rattlin ho into the sur- | pan. The two fellows bolted out of the it nd ran down the hall leading to the school-room, ‘This was more than we had bargained forand we tried to stop them, but they only went the faster. They met a tercher who tried to find out what the mat- ter was, but all he could get out of them was a disjointed account of how, as soon as they opened the he ghost had beat the long roll and then chased them down the corri- dor. On coming up to inve how- ever, the empty shot-pouch, shot in the pan, and the stopper still secured to the door told the story, so our ruse didn’t work after all. “Sass" or * Soss.”” ‘Tne other day a Bismarck gentleman was coming up from Standing Rock and stopped to see a man who lives near the Cannon Ball river. In response to his knock on the door he heard a shrill, sharp Come in!” and upon entering found a sharp-faced, angular woman sitting in the room under an open ole leading into the loft above with gun on her knee. ‘Is the gentleman of the house in?” he asked. soy he air.” “¢ him a moment?” «No, sir, you can’t see a hide nor hair of vim! Why can’t I, Madam? speak to him on busines “Tf you was a dyin’, and Jim war the only doctor in Dakoty, you couldn't sot on him till he gives in an’ talks decent I would like to dinner, a while ago, h id me to im the apple 1’ Etol’ him it’ wasn’t soss, but sass, ne said he knowed better, it "1 tol’ him that when he tuke a notion that a apple sass’d feel soothin’ to his stomach to so, an’ he said he’d have that vss ordie. Then I tol’ him I'd defend that 8 with my life, an’ made a break for the shot-gun, an’ he made a break up throu the tle inter the loft. © When his senses come to him an’ he gives in that sass is & he kin cum down; but if he makes k afore that, off goes the top of sad. ‘Thar sets the sass, stranger, an’ Jim up in the loft, and that’s the way atter stands just now, an I reckon etter mosey along an’ not git mixed row!” bre into the As the gentleman moved away he heard her voice saying ; Jim, when you git tired o” yer foolin’ an’ want th | jest equeal out!” And a gruff voice from the darksome garret responded: —‘* Soss!” — Bismarck Tribune. He Was Sure of It. Yesterpay a doctor hitched his horse on nue, while he made call ata ig store. As he was concluding his errand there, a boy, 9 yeers old, came in and said: | “Doctor, your horse is awfully skeered of . | don’t know , I'm sure of i an_you tel “Why, [threw one under his feet and he broke the strap and ran away.”— Detroit Free Press. comicbooks.com