Judge — August 2, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Newport Hunter. nda ch huntin fields and woods we'll fly at ag, A sournenty wind Now bring out th And swift throug In search of the ax Vacati The ti When people a Ors Awl Beyond the p nly sky, g nag, here, joy and cheer, ythe beach, beach, beach, 1s they please, take their case stering bill collector's reac -Son Revenge is Sweet. When P' My » ich enraged; But Lai Ishear they are engage Ikins won her heart from me a1 wus 1 eed — Life “Running” for the Presidency. “Young Axenioa” wants to know why we spewk of a candidate * running” for the Presidency. ‘The term has its origin, my son, Indian amusement called untlet.” In this exciting the citizens ranged them: 3 into two lines, facing each othe r, each free and independent voter and his’ wife being armed with elubs, stones, hickory * gads,” black-snake mule whips, and one thing and another. Down between these lines the can- didate started on the liveliest run his eager legs could do, and the citizens with great enthusiasm kept him up to his work by let- ting him have it whenever they could ‘reach him as he sail Every time he received an unusual thump, that raised a welt like a stuffed snake or laid the hide open to the bone, or erected a prussian blue limp as big as a hen’s egg, the entire convention howled with delight and the di earnestly be- sought each other to give another one just like it in the same place. If the candi- date got to the end of the course alive, every- body treated him with the conside tion, shook hands with hin ked him to have something with them, expressing not only their forgiving will , but their most magnani anxiety to have pything: with him, and the man who had given him the awfullest lick, right across the misery, with a mahogany club trimmed with spikes, came ri; dassured him that ima their dit es of opinion during the ce: he had ever maintained the profoundest. re- spect and unselfish affection for the candidate personally, and now willing to accept the collectorship vu Jahrk or the mis- sion at Senzhames to prove it. But you don’t eee any similarity or con- nection between that sort of thing and run- ning for President?” Young man, get thee to You have deceived me. You said in your letter that you were eleven years old. I sce that you are only three-and-a-half. a kindergarten go b Burdette. na famous ‘running the national gam er, kindergarten! “Loox here, now,” exclaimed the young man, looking at the mirror, you've gone and shaved off my moustache! ‘would not have had it done for fifty doilars.” your pardon,” id the barber; ‘* but u know, Ididn’t notice you wore Then the young man looked a great, awful look at that wretched barber and \ went out into the open air of day and longed to be a red-handed murderer.—Ltoston Transcript. «| Tho Kicker. bx hot to cold, From cold to hot, Your ulster now unfold, To-morrow will be cold, And it will snow And it will blow It’s just as like as not Chicago Sun, After a Drink of Sweet Blood. “Won if the Delaware school ma’ams. are coming down here again this summer?” usked a Rehobath mosquito of the crop of 83, addressing another of the crop of ’S “Tthink it is understood they are,” an- swered the mosquito ching | the top of bis head with his hind foot. * Well, Lam glad of it,” said the other, feeling his jig-saws to see if they were in order for the first arrival on the nda, for it was out of business hours when this conversation ocevrred. ‘* It makes me feel like bursting forth ina ng. pmething like * Wait ‘Till the Clouds Rell Ly,’ to hear it. Ionest ’skecter, I haven't ‘sucked a: swect Blood since I was born as those pretty school mavams shed for me last August.”— Middletown Transeript. ed, 8¢ Parasol Flirtation. OreNtNo the parasol quickly, point upward—You interest me. Opening with the point downward—Ac- quaintance would not be di able to me. Closing similarly—Any advance would be repelled. Closed and carried over the right shoulder —Beware of observers. Closed over the left shoulder — We are watched, Revolved slowly while open—I like you. olved rapidly—I love you. Used as a cane—You may walk with me. Laid across the lap.—You may sit by me. Carried under the rig Yes. Under the left arm—No. Swung point down in front—Kindly tation. Moved perpendicularly while held open over the head—Good bye. | Revolved opened behind the back—You How me.—Christian at Work, with the A Dissatisfied Boarder. “It ocenrs to me, . Hendricks,” re- marked Dumley, as he came down late to breakfast, ‘**that fried fish every morning good thing.” es, acknowledged the landlady, “there is a good deal of sameness about fish, but there is nothing else in the market. Be- sides, fish is good for the brain,” she added brij ghtly “It is so claimed, I believe,” Dumley re- plied but occasionly I prefer something good for the stomach.” — Philadelphia Call. “Taw choost as full ash a bag of flour,” n inebriate to a sober friend. sack of flour, however,” “ Whash ish difference?” -k is full it can stand up, but when you are full you can’t even lie down he ground without holding on.—Teras for two weeks is a little bit too much of a | There is a difference between you and | Good in It's Place. ‘Tue: onion is a bi And ¢ Anu yet it beat soup, The lily or t ely plant, nk as most that Merchant Traceler, The Wisdom of Experience. Exrentescr old bi A man won't waken up t laugh. ght of wisdo Is are shy of chaff: s second chil ‘0 see the i Philadelphia Call, Not Always a Sign of Genius. Napro.ron bow-h short legs, knock-kne was J: butovery sturpy knock-kne flat-footed, cled_m: you. see isn’t a combination of mili genius, by a long shot.—Burlington Hat eye Couldn’t Answer Direct. “Do you keep overcoats here he stopped in front of a clot Of course—vhalk right in. bes assortment in der hull State, “T want to ask you a plain question, and re answer, vt haf der I want a equ “ rtainly “Tlave you an overcoat for $4? “Vhell; you see—yo “Never mind, now! answer to that question, coat for $ “Vhell—” “Stop! Answer me, yes or no.” “My frent, Teant? answer dot vhay. I haf some overcoats for 86, and if I can’t sell you one for 88 den maybe I come down to $4. Come in und we shplits der difference und calls it $7!"—£z. Have ou an over- An Example of Experience. “Ma, I saw a streak of thund last week.” ” asserted one of the rising generation. * No, my boy, you did not sce a streak of thunder, ‘It was u streak of lightning,” was the mother’s response. “But 1 did se treak of thunde: I saw it strike a tree. I know it was thunder, because our groceryman said so,” urged the } urchin, “Te ought not to have told yc he knew better. What did he say? “Why, he was looking across the road when the tree was hit and he saic¢ “Struck, by thunder!” I guess he ought to know, — Ile’s older’n y And the chubby customer walked away incensed at the ignorance of women.—Waterloo Ob- server. that, for None Now. porated she “Tlave asked of the you eva > ma’am,” he repl “Don’t you keep then “Well, I set out to, but liscouraged. I rolled a barrel of Baldwins out in front one morning and before half the lot had ev: and dis I prefer porate | to deal in the solid fruit. noon reared comicbooks.com