Judge — July 19, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

was sad indeed! and as he strolled o'er the prairie, he met a number of barefooted maidens who were drawing water from a well; he approached, and asked for what parcoes they used so much of the aqueous uid, wherenpon one of the b—f maidens saucily replied: “my brother, who is Ghoul, the son of Westernunion, is ‘* watering” | stock close by.” And another said: “my father, who is Bohman, the son of Jersey. milco, keeps a dairy beyond yonder pyramid, Being dry, he again ‘turned his ring, and Jo! and behold! one of the maidens offered him her little brown jug, and among other things told him that she was Rebecea, the ighter of Bethuel, the of N Ife immediately informed her of his m saying that Isaac was a dude of the water, and, although he had never s her cabinet by Sir Rhoney, he was neverthe- less completely mashed on her. She blushe splendidly, and said if her brother agreeable she, like rkis, “was willin. The brother readily acquiesced, and accord- ingly Isaac married her, the inheritance being uow come to him.” GEORGE DEAR. The Court Was Innocent. ‘Two residents of Springwells La diff culty over a game of cards the other day and the result was the arrest of one for ssanlt and battery. When the case was | called yesterday, the complainant took the stand to explain how it happened. “You sce, Judge,” he began, ‘we were | three points up.” “What's a point?” court. Why, we were playing five-points eucher. We cach hud three points. A point counts one, your honor.” blandly inquired the and it was my lead.” 1. Please explain? hufled the cards and it was my first play.” ‘ell, go on. Perhaps I “Why, bh hand nd dealt the can under- f club. and he is, he re- diamone That the acc trumped it with fused suit.” Do you mean he refused to be sued o, sir. I'd like to explain this thing to you, because it was about the suit we had our fuss,” “T go on. Yon said mond down on the table. . you put a Did he grab He tramped it with a club.” “Ah! Did you see him carrying this club around before you sat down to play? “Your honor, I'd like to take a pack of cards and explain to you * No use—no u I've heard some of the aldermen speak about the right and left bowers, and I've heard of jacks, and kings and aces, but it would be lost time to try to shew me, You don’t seem to have any case.” * But that’s be me. suit, anse you don’t understand When [ charged’ him with refusing he struck me in the mouth,” Did, eh! Well, there isn’t any case to speak of. The prisoner is discharged, and you'd better whack up on the costs.” “And to think!” groaned the counsel for the plaintiff, as he reached the sidewalk, “that only the evening before, this same innocent old J. P. beat me out of seven lasses of beer at that very game of euchre, and I'll take my solemn affidavy that he stocked the cards on me at least every other hand!”—Detroit Free Press. | your opinion of the ticket 2” THE JUDGE. Only a Dozen Pairs of Pants. “ Crester,” said Robert Lincoln, as | tossed out his line at Oyster B: “what's “ Robert,” said Chester,” 5 a Republican, and shall vote straight; but I tell you Jim Blaine’s chances are slim. Don’t mention it to anybody, but [ have the most positive information that J. B. has only twelve pairs of pants? ‘Think of , Robert, a man running for President of a eaatiley like this with only twelve pants! Ah, me! I wish the convention had nomi- nated G. William Curtis!”— Courier-Journal. ” you know Tam A Product of Modern Civilization. “Wuo is that young man walking on the | other side of the street ? Ie must be some | fugitive from justice. See the nervous, hunted expression of his countenance.” “Oh, no; he’s no criminal. You're mis- taken. ' Poor fellow, he’s a baseball umpire, and his experience on the field has taught him to be constantly on the watch for some one throwing at him.”—Oil City Blizzard. Preparing for an Emergency. A Stock Yanp’s matron in comfortable circumstances, requires her beautiful. and accomplished daughters always to roll up their sleeves and bare arms in the regular Monday morning washing, and take a hand in the Wednesday washing and ironin ance, Being remonstrated with by said she wasn’t going to take on her daughters, She was going to have them prepared for any emergency Who knows,” she added, “perhaps some day both ‘of them will marry foreign counts.”—Chicago Sun. y chance A Much-Needed Explanation. AN Indianapolis paper states that Mr. Charles Reade’s story, now appearing in Harper's Bazar, “was completed before the author’s lamented death.” It appears that an impression had got abroad that he did | not finish the last few chapters until several ys after his decease. 'The Indianapolis editor’s announcement will dissipate this notion; but it is barely possible that he has been misinformed.— istown Herald, A Careful Conductor. Tn train was rattling on, rickety click, rickety click. ‘I was in sucha hurry to atch the train I didn’t wait to buy a ticket,” said the New York banker, offering money.‘ Yes,” replied the conductor, stractly, as he punched the next man’s ticket, ‘I notice that a good many New York bankers are in a hurry to catch the trains nowadays.” ‘* Well, sir, you needn't | be insolent; here is money to pay my far “T know, but I can’t take it, sir.” “* Ah, I see; the company doesn’t let you conductors take money. ’Fraid you'll steal it. I see.” “No, sir, there against my taking it.” hen’ why don’t you take it?” “I’m afraid I’d_ be arrested for receiving stolen property. The banker looked out of the window at the shady groves, and cool, pellucid streams, while the train went rattling on, rickety is no company rule click, rickety click. “Smith Winked, Too.” JONES AND Suite we last night, when Jones “Smith, do yor “ Occasionally, “ Let's and and ching the counte while he threw down knowingly at the good cigars.” walked out. About an hour afterward, ot rid of his friend Sm at the store and whispe “Give me + What « “Didnt 1 ked Jones, “Smith winked, too,” quietly said the prietor, and now Jones has transferred his custom.—Preckfast Table. smoke slied Smit Jones, suid re Jones remarked, ten cents and winked propriet ‘Give us two They lit their cigurs and appeared to the dealer Jones the chan nge?” give asked the you the two-for a wink 7” onished. One-Ideaed * Puck.” Tm ust be The Puck cartoonist the one. idea man” has exhausted them. conception they are wearily ringgit changes, lacking the wit to ré¢ is resented by the the cause they think they'a gress known as ** tattooed artists of the aut it njury to country and an Good Meat for Dinner. Youne wire (new tom may sé 1 saddl Butcher— will it be?” Young wife my husband the house two saddle, of mutton for dinner. madam. What (thou s away but rvant gir I think “Well, no or ntfully— and there in mother and myself and the » You had better send a side Gloom in an Editor’s Home. A TERRIBLE calamity has cast its wither- ing cloud over the doniestic affairs of a Wil- mington editor, One day dur the past week he was commissioned by his wife, who was absent from home, to send away t nt friends some dry and millinery. The order read ‘Send everything on the sitting-room table but the " ‘The order was carried out. strictly, there is just where the “dynamite” in, for by some mischance Mrs, I nd only spring bonnet got upon the tabl now a deadly pm overshadows all the place. — Wilmington Star. Jenar—* Iave you any conscious serup- les on the subject of capital punishment?” Jur Didn’t fotch none along dis mornin JUDGE What is a conscientious scru- —‘* Dunno, sah.” Jupce—* Do you know punishment means?” June “No, sah.” JepGe—* Have you formed an opinion as to the guilt of the aceus Junot Dunno, sah. Junce—* Do you know anything? Jvunon Yes, sah.” Jungr—* What do you know?” JuKou * Dunno, sah.” Ile was sworn iu aud made foreman of the jury, what capital comicbooks.com