Judge — June 14, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Stuffed Crocodile. as I watch you smile, e style wh rim, sardonic Of architrave and peristyle; Egyptian temples by the mile, With columns vast and silent ai acaustic pavement’s glittering tile— ‘The dumb-mouthed sphinx, the river isle Of lotus bloom and chamomile, Where dwell the parischites vil Ww i —th dead inian bile; ous tears—exile From Egypt To entice w To teeth s The mis h alluring wile rated like a file nary’s juicy chile; Or convert converts into ch; You're stuffed- poor little crocodile! Well, we are in Paris at last, but I don’t believe anything short of dynamite from London would have started Mr. Penny- feather. I told him so, but he was in a facetious mood and said, after the experience he had had with my tongue, dynamite had no ter- rors for him. That he was quite accustomed to a blowing up. [ told him such remarks were entirely uncalled for, and he finally acknowledged that they were and said he’d pay the penalty, and asked what I wanted. I promptly informed him that a new Worth dress was the thing I desired most of all others, and he said I could order it. ‘As soon as we arrived I proceeded to carry out my intention, and Iam sure to have a gorgeous robe that will make half the women in the colony stare with envy. I can’t quite make out what ails Heracli- tus, however, unless he’s made a lot of money, for he was never so good natured before. I declare I’m quite in love with him, and 1’m half sorry that I accepted the scent bottle the Baron presented to me soon after my arrival Its such a great big one that I can’t carry it without Heraclitus noticing it, and as he has often said they were the most scentless and senseless things a woman could use, I don’t want him to think I’ve been buying one. Besides, this is a very expensive one and he’d wonder where I got the money. THE JUDGE. A DRUMMER'S EXPERIENCE IN A COUNTRY VILLAGE. tr ny, ey, ~ \ : UN I wish the Baron had kept the old vinia- grette, or whatever he calls it, to himself; its sure to get me into trouble. * We went to the wedding of old Sir John Lubbock before we left London, and I never saw such a sight as it w Think of a pretty young bride all glitter- ing with diamonds, and shimmering in satin and lace, being led to the altar by a old man with his feet all done upin blanke ‘They can talk of American girls selling themselves for rank and riches all they want to. I’ve got my opinion of London girls, and married ladies too, for that matte! I didn’t blame the bride for wanting to change her name, however. Miss Fox-Pitt hasn’t a very enchanting sound I must admit. Lubbock wouldn’t be much better if it hadn’t a title before it. Besides a gouty old husband to look after, my lady must be agreeable to Sir John’s wonderful dog, and is expected to take an interest in a horrible nursery of ants, which is supposed to be a very scientific affair. I declare I’d as soon marry a zoological garden at once and be done with it. Ilis first wife used to illustrate his works on natural history for him, but I don’t sup- Bee he'll expect this pretty young bride to jo anything like that. ‘The wedding was a splendid affair though, and no mistake. I wore a lovely dress, but my jewels didn’t look like much beside those the old dowagers exhibited. I had plenty of attention and enjoyed my- self thoroughly, and better than all, my dress and my “charming” appearance was noticed in two of the Lantoe newspapers. Heraclitus stuck up his nose when he read the extracts, but I guess he felt a little flat- tered by it all the same He says he is not gi Paria, but is soon going bi shan’t care, for it will soon be g: I'll come out in some new French d that are sure to attract attention, One thing I don’t like, though, atall. We have got an English nursery-governess for little Kathleen, und things don’t work well at all. Marie is jealous of the English woman, and it is unpleasant to say the least. ‘The governess isa funny looking person, but seems to be amiable, and Marie does my back hair up just lovely, so I suppose I must try and patch up a peace between the tw Heraclitus says if Marie doesn’t like thin, to let her go, but I can’t do that. She's invaluable to me, and besides she knows all about the scent bottle and might tell. I never in all my life saw any one have as much trouble as I have If it isn’t one thing, it’s another to bother the life of PENELOPE PENNYPEATHER, The Writers of Society. MILLIoNs Clerks write duns. Poets write rubbish. Women write postscripts. Lawyers write briefs. Parsons write longs. Wise men write nothing. te check! We speak of Love's shafts, because the little mule seldom trots in double harness. comicbooks.com