Judge — June 14, 1884 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CHAPTER ON HERALDRY. Sixce Mr. Chester Arthur, by the force of circumstance and Guiteau’s bullet, was fired—if we may be allowed the term—into the presidential chair, he has vast accession of personal dignity and im- portance, and has come to the ¢ that he must have a crest. A cre thing to paint on the panels of your carriag und to have stamped on the buttons of your servants’ livery, and, if not particularly use ful, is sometimes quite ornamental. It is not at very appropriate ornament for a clusion tizen of a republic and a comparatively new conn. | try at that; but Chester Art ina brace of historical names—both christian and surname, though, like an ill-drilled re. eruit, he ur rejoices eps off with the wrong one—he | naturally considered it easy enough to plant a genealogical tree and hang an armorial shield among its branches, Arthurs—there | have been lots of Arthurs, famous in song and story, from good King Arthur of the Round Table down to—down to—well, | down to Chester A. Arthur himself. Why shouldn't he be descended from the good King Arthur? On the other han¢ should he? ‘The principal reason in favor of the negative 13, that histo: that such a pel , why | ans gravely doubt nas King Arthur existed; in Tie JupGe’s mind that is rath ment in our President's favor. nargu- | “Ex nihilo nihil fit,” our worthy chief magistrate rather | partakes of the negative qualities of his illus- trious but mythical nami and he isn’t dent—now, is he? But at | any rate Arthur is a good historical name, | leaving Lyont much of a pre and the Round Table out of the question entirely, and is as well cal- culated to carry and adorn a crest as any other. ‘Then we come to Chester. Valter Scott wrote ** Ch: iver since ‘ge, Chester, a chivalric and noble ring. There is another Chester in the uthwest of England which also has a noble —the ring in which the Chester Cup is run—but this is beside the question. Un- questionably a Chester should have we me the name has hb ri enp— nd Chester A, Arthur, | long life to him, is determined to have both. Heraldry, science. erest—a we are told, is a v ‘y ancient It had its origin among the Egyp- | tians, and was old in the days when the Cesars ruled Modern heraldry, however, is comparatively recent, and did not obtain in its present form earlier than the twelfth century. Chester A. Arthur was nowhere then; that was a convention at which he was not represented, and so we not blame him if he, feeling that he slighted when cre: Rome. were given out, mak up his mind to have a spick and span new one all to himself. He has a beauty—every one will concede that. Heraldry exhausts itself in the attempt to describe it. The nearest Te Juper can quired a | | car to be made, which will be plac THE JUDGE. we Deacon Gio, Il. Jox gules party per pale wavy—the rest of the technical nomenclature has escaped us, doubtless Mr. Arthur put an supply the deti- At any rate, the crest is a spick id be ciency. and n new one, as wi not marred with bands or bars sinister or cut up with quarterings like your effete old country blazon: nd it ought to be painted on sign as big as. a barn door todo it full ju tice. We would recommend Mr. Arthur to add Chicago rampant as a cognizanc to adopt as his motto ‘* Cave Blainem,” as a modern application of the worn out old ind “Cave canem.” Beating Boston. om man to the con- ductor of car 21, South Fourth St. Line, 1 folks are far behind Boston in street- locomotion.” “In what way?” hotly. “Our hors asked the conductor said the Boston man, ‘have not that jaded appearance; the outside of our cars look better; and our freight has a more intelligent expression, Besides the interval between our cars is much shorter.” “We admit our inferiority to Boston in more than street-car locomotion,” said the conductor, “but our ‘super’ has perf an invention that will revolutionize car travel. ed stree He has caused an india rubber 1 in the centre of our route; a team of hors conductor and driver will be on Ata signal from Donahue, the starter, the horses will pull in opposite directions, the ends arriving at the Ferry and Ridgewood come to it is water-boug eld or, simultaneously, when the passengers will JUST THE SAME ONLY DIFFERENT. ‘Hewkiak Jones, I'm sorry to see you working on the Sabbath. .—T'm not working, I’m only diggin’ a few worms to go a fishin leave t its or car, when it will recede back to ginal size. Besides But at this point the conductor was called inside to settle a dispute between the fat woman and the crank. When he came out the Boston man had disappeared. In his dis- appointment and chagrin he had jumped off backwards and was lost in a cloud of dust. The (Extremely) Old Song. We know you have an awful cold That quite unfits your voice for singing, We know, and so need not be told, ¥ We know you are less well t came without y F music brin, an sick, And that you do not like coercion, And have not practiced for a week (Your ne © a different versi bors We know you can't pl That » Have or sin That you were never very clever. anything, ve for} you ever ned to either p We know before a str You hate to show y ger crowd ir lack of training Of music you were never pr And ballads are so very straining know that this piano’s new, Unlike the one in your possessi ‘The room is warm to smothering, too, And all untit for “true expression.” We know you never play or sin In public with a crowd tol Al (A hundred people living near you!) you, ne you do your practicing vt say you're sure the Of better players present? Truly, We did not think of that before, We'll call on them; they'll answer duly A Score comicbooks.com