Judge — June 14, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Too Strict. Ix Germany the police regulations are very strict, and any violation of them is promptly punished. The people have a holy terror of the law. ‘Two gentlemen happene to meet in Berlin, and the following conver- sation took place “Have you hea rd the dreadful news about o, what is it fell water ‘+ He was ina boat in the river. He and overboard was too deep. “Didn't he know how to swim?” “Swim! Don’t you know that all per- sons are forbidden the river? "— was drowned. The the police to swim in Texas Siftings. He Had Tried It. Two Rockland citizens were toddling up street the other day, and the close and car- nest manner in which they were seen to be tion clearly betokened that they hanging their experiences with dys- pepsia, “And did you ever t cure ked the thin m at the melancholy man’s gute. “Did 12” repeated the melancholy man in atone of sarcasm; ** well, | should say I did I've been married fourteen 5 —Rockland Courier. the hot water The Reporter's Revenge. A REPORTER on a paper wrote the follo ing account of his Ved rival’s marriage: «The bride radiant ina beautiful laven- der silk dress, with orange wreath and button No. 9 kid gloves, slightly burst in the thumbs. ‘The groom was as straight as a black cloth suit constructed by the best tailor could make him, and as red in the face as istent with a pair of boots 8 too small and a No, 13 collar en- circling his manly 16 1-2 inch neck. — For- ly before the ceremony was over, the restraining button flew out and saved him from strangulation. Contrast Between the East and West. “‘Now,” said the Boston school teachet “the question I am about to put to you is an extremely difficult one, and to ans correctly you will be obliged, metaphori speaking, to imitate the trunk conformation of the dromedary of the desert.” A West- ern school teacher would have put the ques- tion and said, simply, ‘‘ Now hump your- selves.””—Somervill le Journal, Patronizing a Pedler. Aw elder in one of the churches was last week making up a club of subscribers for a Sunday school paper. In his round he called at a house where he found a little girl of sevenat home. He explained his errand to her, hoping to get her name to the list, and she replies “Well, I'll ask mother, and I’m quite sure she'll give me the money, for she says we must patronize the peddlers who come along. or they will be driven to steal and rob! He hasn’t gone Detroit Free Pres: bi k if she succeeded.— Never despise small things—a diamond for instance. n, as they paused | THE JUDGE. “1 sever tip a waiter,” said Bass; “1 prefer to keep him in expectancy lo} possible. Ile is all the more attentive ct is] afier a ause he does not know how gener se ‘But won't he get discour: wsked Brown. —‘ Possibly,” replied ut that’s all he'll r get. So, I'm no loser.”— Boston Transcript. ENTERPRISING DruGoist — ‘Did barrel of whisky come to-day, John?” John—** Yes sir.” “And that case of brandy and the ed that other | A whole n load cam Is it in a position where it can be got at? Yes sir. All ready to draw, “Well, start the soda fountain.” delphia Call. “Te lions didn’t like Daniel did they asked ‘Shavey Head’ of his well po: paj Phila- || ed | Oh, yes they did. The Lord made the lions like him so they wouldn’t hurt him.” “Well, whe: en God makes me like anything, Teat it, I do.” Yes, yes. Goa the lions hate Daniel “Then why didn’t Hartford Post. “On, dear! made cay child, He they bite him?” exclaimed Fanny Smith, **1 | wish somebody would break into our house | somenight!”” “ Why, whata wish, F said her mother; ‘what in the world put | that idea into your head?" ‘Those horrid | Robinsons had'a burglary at their house last | night, and the papers tell about the fine | jewelry and silk dresses that the thieves got. Strange that nothing of the kind ever hap- stous! The Robinsons will hold their Js higher than ever now, the hateful "Boston Transcript. “What cut do you prefer?” said the carver at a recent dinner given to Mr. Arthur, “Cut,” repeated the president, absent- minded “Cut them skin-tight, with medium swell bottoms, two hip pockets and sg “Sir!” interrupted the carver, in amuaze- t. Oh, I beg your pardon,” said his excel- y, recovering himsel piece of the outside, please, with a little crisp fat.”— Philadelphia Call. “My pean,” said Mr. thetic wife, “did you he coming home drunk the whipping his wife “No, indeed. ble? me! Pidgeon to his r about Jenkinson and other night Can such # thing be pe 3 he beat her black and blue.” “Black and blue «That's what 1 was told.” “Kind heaven! What was the man thinking about! Doesn't he know that such a combination of colors is in horrid taste | for this season of the year?”—Merchant Traveler. poy who had been sent to carry a silver ca ket toa young lady asa bridal present | was asked upon his return to the office if he found the right place. “Oh, y ee the girl herself Did she scem surprised?” “Very much she told her mother she pre- sumed it was plated, but would be good enough for her aunt out in the country. Detroit Free Pres | souvenir What the Rain Is. Gane Minter f thos put trust in newspapers and reports with religious care. O he met a friend, sul weather came up, What's the prospect for falling weathe asked the friend, “Well, [not due to-morrow, denc is one ¢ who her men wea! morning the and ct of hy the paper that rain is replied Gabe, with confi- That's somethi No, of oceurrenc enomenal, isn’t it It is a common such a wet spring course ne specially in tv heard of such a thin soy hat? Never heard of 3 within a day of the prediction? efor raining , not that. You said rain was dew to-morrow, and I never heard that rain. was ever anything but rain, to-morrow or any other day; and as for being dew, I don’t whatever prophets and sig ieve rain ever will be dew, and your newspape! vice men may say, Gabe scratched his he ad without akin word asad, hurt look in hh face, nd when he reached his office he sat down and worked un hour before he could make out an intel- ligible diagram of the joke. — Merchant Travel you ere a minu walked away, and, with A Family's Nomanclature. AT the nning of a school pupils in the public schools are give their father’s full. name. the chers have hard work to first name, and it is not an un to become involved in a dialogue something like the one which took place yesterday in one of the city schools at the opening of the term. The teacher asked Michacl Murphy what his father’s name and Michael said: Mr. Murphy “ What is his first nam “ Te never had but one name, “Well, what would you c ll him if you wanted a new rocking-hoi I don’t want one “When you speak to him what do you term all required to Frequently at the isual thing Oh, [can't remember all I say when T speak to him.” “But, suppose he was out chopping wood and you went to the door and called to him, what would you say? say “He never cuts up wood, but if 1 should HW him, [ would call him ‘dad.’ Oh, dear! TL wish [could make you and what T mean, Now can’t you What your mother calls him? res, um: she calls him old. red-hea —Syracuse Herald. A Good Reason. “What did y him i 1 charge round. the corner to the hotel? Second Cabm: S4.072 That is a quee Why didn’t you make it # * Because $4.97 all he had.”—Phila- delphia Call. Ir some tenor voices could be preserved ans the public would gain by it. ‘The tenor is a sad” aflliction.— New Orleans Picaynne. in comicbooks.com