Judge — June 14, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Guilty Conscience. home las’ 1 his little *“Wuar’s dat roos’er I fotch nite growled Mose, as he ente hut. “Dunno, preacher s no mo Mose wh did he sa? “He sed las’ Sunday dat chickun’s’d kum home to roos’ an’ [ spec’s he knowed what he wuz talkin’ about. ‘How'd he know whar I g: “Dunno dat needer; I jes’ own word Mose walked suddenly off, growling: tings keep a gwine on dis wa’, dar chance lef’ fur de poor nigger, dollar dat some lab sided pre a fus’ class fune de man to stan an’ hab my ka an’ in de chu’e Thus talki another roost answered his wife, ede truf, you'll nebber see Jed quickly ar ‘What gasp dat roos’er?” tell you his “Ef ain’t no an’ T bets heram a fix- al, kase I ain’t ter spiled, x he strolled out in search of Atlanta Constitution. Didn't Want Her Anyway. *Tuene goes Clara Mills. Joe, they tell me it’s all over between you two. Bagsley is going to marry her, I hear.” nod for Bagele: Cla a nice girl As for me, I prefer some one e that’s all. “Aha! Whom, may I inquire?” “ Well—er, nobod hat is, I haven’t made up my mind quite.” Joe, old chap, the story that’s going around is that you popped the question to 1, and got the wrong answer. “T'prefer some one else, [ tell you I don't know anything about your gossiping stories, «1 Clara if she loved me, and she said lidn’t, and never could, You wouldn’t ry her in such ease, would you? I simply dropped her, that’s all. Boarding House Hash. “CAs you tell me,” said the funny young helped himself to a liberal supply an you tell me why the ingredi- ents that form this hash are like Henry Irvin leadin, “Tgive it uy long hair and eyeglasse he said, promptly. It was just like him to give it up. That what he was doing with every- that he took in hand. Do I understand that you all aid the funny young man. give it up,” ‘answered the boarders horus. the reason why the ingredients that form this hash are like Henry Irving's lady is use she is a Miss ‘Ter: of id a young man with “T give it up,” give it wi?” “Well, the hash is a myster When His Wound Hurts. Wuen ex-Governor Oglesby’s relate an anecdote turn ame he gave some army reminiscences. Speaking of the way he was wounded, the old warrior said the ball did not hurt him until he was almost jolted to th in an ambulance, “Does the old wound hurt you much now?” inquired a sympathetic listener. Lord bless you, no,” replied Uncle Dick, “except every four rs, when, I want to ago News. to army “but ef de | THE JUDGE. ‘THERE is more theology ‘aud logic on tap in the brain of the small boy than in that of the dD. D., and it “isn’t every man who wears a 7 1-4 hat that gets the best of him. ‘Wary is it,” said an ex-governor to an old acquaintan “that when I’m out of office you neverspeak tome?” ** Because, the acquaintance replied, “ when you are in office you never speak to. me.”"—Arkansaw Traveler. Ir is related of a Chicago young woman and a Chinese lady that on being introduced they looked at each other’s feet and, the both fainted away, the former from morti cation and the latter from fright. —Cam- bridye Tribune. “Mamata, the old hen i my chil ain’t right.” vt-contradiet. T kne The old hen is settin, ain’t. She's ‘—Phila, Call. So you lost both your limbs in the war, did you? and you gained by it; how was that?” “ Why, I gained a pension and single blessedne: ‘or no woman would have me. “*Well, don’t advertise the fact this year or you'll have to move to Utah or work for the State.”— Waterloo Observer. s sitting — better than sitting—on the fence Iv New York a woman is p: for making a shirt, and the it as an outrage, Yet here woman not only doesn’t ing irt, bat think’s he if her husband at the w id six cents pers speak of in Vermont a a cent for mak- If mighty happy doesn’t swear like a parrot it fits.—Burlington Free Press. ‘THINGS are never so bad but that they might be worse. There is a silver lining showing its sheen behind every cloud. The spring is late, business is dull, and panics are plenty, but, thank fate, there has been no intimation, thus far, that the Delaware peach crop is ruined. —Somerville Journal. * You are very late sending your evening male out,” said the editor to his daughter when he came home at two o’cl in the morning and met a timid, shrinking young man between the front door and the gate ** Not at all,” answered the thoughtful girl, “Charles Henry is now a morning edition.” —Middletown Transcript. Lapy (in an intelligence offic afraid that that little girl nurse, She is too small. to trust her with the bab: Clerk—“ Her size, madam, we look upon as her greatest recommendation.” Lauly—* Indeed? but she is so very small.” Clerk—‘I know that she is diminutive, but you should remember that when sh drops a baby it doesn’t have very far to fall. —Philadelphia Call. “Wat was cats made for, mother ked a Somerville little boy who had be scratched by a household tabby. “C made for? Well, I suppose to kill mice. “*Who made ‘em?” **God made them.” “What was mice made for “What were mice made for? For some purpose, I sup- pose, For cats to catch, per “Did od make the mice, too?” “He did. Ie made all things.” ** Well, if the cats is made forcatchin’ mi 1 wouldn’t needed to make cats if be hadn’t made any mice, would he?” ‘No, [suppose not.” + What did he make ’em forthen,”” ‘* Make what?” “The mice.” ‘* Child, it’s time for you to goto school. Hurry, or you'll be late.”— | Somerville Journal. —*T am won't do for a I should hesitate A Warning. Now the weather groweth warm And the maids begin to swarm Around the atmospheri They ¢ With cream or sarsapari And often drink me soda water ; arly love vanilla than they really oughter, The Same Old Story. morning in the spring of 1791, Gene- shington hopped out of bed and began to rummage in the wardrobe. “What are you seeking, George, dear?” queried Mrs. Washington. “Why, tho: lightt trousers of mine,” the Father of his Country, a little testil ‘They are on the mantlepiece, my dear- Mrs, Washington, slyly. “On the mi i ated George. “You are mist shen? I do not sce them. “Oh, yes, they are—in substance, at least,” returned the Ma of her Country with a gurgle of laughter. ‘I traded them off for those lovely blue vases and that red matchbox With a groan of despair George Washing- ton donned his old winter clothes and went out into the hot, hot world.— Washington Hatchet. said Why She Left. *“Wiy did you leave your last place?” the woman who wanted the cook, asked the lady who said she wanted a plac Because,” replied the lady, was entoirely too large.” “Tow many were in the family the woman, «They wur two ov thim, jist,” lady, ‘an’ [cud get alor him, but they wur no livin’ wid hur, an’ so ~ I’m willin’ to wurrk hard, but for a hotel full of people, an’ ye well know it.” he woman went home withouta ‘cuke.”” —Burlington Hawkeye. the family inquired replied the ell enough wid Hard to Please. Tue following resignation of a country judge was rec ntly sent to the governor of Arkansas: “I have got enough ‘ofthis blamed I took this here place expectin’ to but mud has been flung at me ever since. ‘The temperance people an’ the still-house folks have been pullin’ at me all the time, an’, finally, when I concluded to go with the still-house folks, the temperance people ‘lowed I didn’t have no sense an’ wa an ole fraud; jes’ like a man didn’t have a right to do as he pleases in this here free country. Well, they kep’ on w-harpin’ and a-harpin’ till I ‘lowed that mebbe I. wuz wrong, so turned over to the temperance people: Then the still-house folks ’gun ter howl, an’ swore that I wuz a fool an’ath nohow. So you I don’t know which way to turn, an’ I ‘wanter say right here that you may take the blamed office your- self."—Arkansaw Travele HENLEY’S CHALLENGE ROLLER SKATE ACKNOWLEDOED BY EXPERTS AS THE MOST COMPLETE, SCIENTIFIC SKATE and by Rink Mee aa the OST DURABLE ‘or new # page illustrated 3 siampto M,C. HENLEY, RICHMOND, IND. comicbooks.com