Judge — May 3, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

old daughter by whom has been vi one of Lowell’s most accomplished lin otherwise one of Lowell’s most skill sorial artists. She was taken down to have her hair cut the other day and opened fire upon the officiating barber with his own ammunition in the manner following, to wit: “Oo pitty well to-day?” Yes, little girl, I’m pretty well.” “Oo mamma well “Yes, my mother “Oo papa well? “Yes, pretty well “Qo dress yourself?” “Oh, ves, I dress mysel “Oo Wash 00 own fice? “Eh? Oh, yes, of cour * Oo fix oo own hair?” “Yes, yes snip, “Oo sew Sunc ‘Why, no, Idon t dowr bf Snip, sn “Can 00 read?” Ye (Nearly takes off one e: “Oo been to schoo! “Well, ye snip.) Is 00 a man? *Ye-es."” (Thinks some of infs “Doe $001 a let 00 smoke “ Sometim (Tries to contr pretty well.” (Snip.) Pp.) ip.) (Snip, s (Gouge.) snip—rapidly.) undays.” (Pause.) snip—nervously.) (Snip, nticide. ) a cow: “When she doesn’t know it.” (Snip.) “When don’t she know it? jes to smile.) «Tg on all Ura “Yes; all throug “Goo-by! Pll come won't 1?” “Dol” (Sinks ex And the little bud of of the door without the baflled barber hav- ing asked her if she wouldn't hav foam or a bottle of hair tonic.—Lo zen, (Relieved.) again sometime— ise toddled out Sobbed Himself to Sleep. WutLe stopping at the hotel two frolic- some young women hired the porter to pro- cure the young man’s pantaloons at dead of night. They then sewed up the bottoms of the legs, threw the doctored garments back through the transom and squealed ** Fire!” When he got into the hall he was vainly trying to stab one foot through the limb of his pantaloons while he danced around on the othe d joined in the general ery of ‘Fire! Phe hall seemed filfed with people who were running this way and that, osten: bly seeking a mode of egress from the flames, but in reality trying to dodge the mad efforts | of the young man, who was trying to insert himself in his obstina ntaloons, Ife did not tumble, as it were, until the night watchman got a Babcock fire extin- guisher and played on him. I do not_know what he played on him. Very likely it wa **Sister, what are the wild waves saying? Away he staggered into his room, and although he could hear the audience outside in their wild tumultuous encore, he refused to come before the curtain, but locked his door and sobbed himself to sleep. How often do we forget the finer feelings of others and ignore their sorrow, while we revel in some great joy.—Bill Nye, in Detroit Free Press. | with | both hands f: | localities. Wr daro 6a born with ¢ fea John L. Sullivan’s baby hed fists. Hartford Post. mornings when the Is on the cheek riltsburgh Tirese | kiss th are t roses Chronicle 1 A May named Limburger has turned up at Rochester, N.Y claims that he hasn’t ascent to Yonkers CHARLES nsat of New York, ate 360 eggs in five days, Le won a wager of 85, but we should think he would be ashamed to look a hen in th for five years. —Nor- ristown Herald. “T rnovent you were a flame Bullion, Mr. Dodd,” said slim. I thought so too,” said the the other, ‘until the old man put me out one night.” —Boston Bulletin. You have had some bad debts on your books,” an expert remarked to a merchant. “Oh, no,” the merehant quickly replied, “the debts are od enough, but the pay is thunderi Statesman, we face of Miss A Gini. will goto a dance straight hours withont complaining, young lady to wrestle five com h the sa minutes Il faint before she gets rly clasped around the handle. —Chicayo Sun. Ip a man wants peace to reign in the house- hold he should count ten before speaking at times wh. as if his clothes don’t fit him ys when the kitchen stove doesn’t draw he should count 480,—Middle- town Transcript. to be settled,” say “that a newly married lady a bride 1s sewe Ir is now chang to become when she band’s clothes.” us such al of bride an ex- ceases becomes simply a wife a button on her hus- It is this fact that makes ppy people. ‘The country is full -— Somerville Journal. No, my son, when a gentleman tells a fun- ny story, never be so rude as to laugh. Do not let him finish if you can help it. Atthe first opportunity remark, “ Yes, that reminds me of a story,” and then go on and tell it, even if you have to tell the same one he has ust told you, with different names and “Boston Transcript. Ma. Gunatueant went up with his wife the other day to see the le collection of paintings, and in their meanderings through the galleries Mrs. G. asked her lord and master about a certain picture. “*Oh, that is a water color,” he said. Then it is not like yout nose, dear, is he replied. ) Greatheart will not get a new dress this month.— Washington Hatchet. Joxrs—* It is too . I on an unlucky “Here Iam, n thi believe Iw Smith— =H WV. hy the n of ¢ debt, either.” whom are you Blank.” But he success to his brilliant but if it had not been for me he would not have had any war record.” ‘ How “Twas drafted and sent him to the as my substitute.”"—Philadelphia Call. strange. ‘0 “To Col. 1 his_ political record.” ‘ Yes; ow A Queen Crry girl eating souse, Caught a glimpse of a beautiful mouse, When the note that she reached, As she stood up and screeched, Would have drawn a $1000 bouse. —Boston Fotio. What They Looked Like. A youne Alexandria miss When asked by her beau for a kiss Demurely contented She ly And their li nted d exactly like t — Washington Hatchet. Bor her pa interrupted the bl And said: ** Who is this you And without more ado The youn And his fellow flew, s looked exactly like this —Ecanaville J A Fresh Water Salt. “Say, boss, will you give an old sa something to get a bit of grub weather-beaten fellow, ragman had a mortg So you are a sailor, the philanthropist. **T used to be, your honor.” “What was the name of the craft on which you chewed hardtack and tarred ropes I—I forget now.” “Tow many masts did it have “Didn't have none,” uneasily replied the s he shifted his position. itsquare-ri ed the philanthropist, tering eye upon the t Didn't | eno grant. “Then what in the name of all that floats was it?” “Ttw blast. your ey wretch, as he sloped ” ay Drake’. who looke¢ on him. kindly inquired " growled the »w on the Mississippi, yelled the discouraged hitched up his trousers and with a landlubber’s gait.— Traveler's Mag The Boy Had the Best of It. “ Moruen, is it right fora person to try ton a person believe something what he doesn’t believ 7 “*No, son.” “Well, then, why do you try to make me believe it’s right when any one rings the door bell to go and peep oui of the winder and see who it is, and if it’s sich and sich a one to tell her you're not in?” “Well, t a different thir “Oh, yes; you always say ‘that’s a dif- ferent thing” when you get beat.”—Aen- tucky State Journal. No Dog Necessary in that Family. “7 DECLAR) remarked M “there’s our Sairey, as likely find in all the country ‘round, have no beaus at all “Well,” remarked Mr. Grimes, ‘‘ there’s one consolation about it, we don’t have to go to the expense of keepin’ a bull dog. — Oil City Derrick. Indiana man employs his divorced wife as a servant girl; and now she gets four more nights out a week than when she was his wife, and has more spending money Norristown Herald. Turner is a sign on Angeles, Cal., which r woman, with the aid of an electric light, five miles out to s It must have been an ice-cream sign.— Yonkers Statesman. Grimes, a galas you'll nd she don’t building at Los been read by a comicbooks.com