Judge — April 5, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tennyson Takes His Seat. Baron Alfred, Prince of Bards, You seck to strengthen your renown By sitting in the House of Lords, And wearing an embroidered gown. You now refuse to court the mus And with high dignity disport; You heave a sigh and play the deuce While aiming to amuse the court. Lord of Lyric of Verse, Wekn 1're proud of your new name; our pri¢ ald never be much worse ian if you had the bulge on fame. Why do you frown upon the gown Of pocsy, with all its charms? A simple poet’s laurel crown Is worth unnumbered coats-of-arms. 0, monarch of the Muse, you're strong, Yet have a weakness for the towers And titles that to ‘* nobs” belong; They're more to you than sylvan bowe With brilliant fame and_ piles of ** rock And promise of poctic bliss, h old ilvering your locks, you play a prank like this. Alfred, Alfred, Laureate, If time be heavy on your hands, Are there no sit your gate, Nor inharmonious brass bands? Ah, teach the amateur to toot, Or show some rhymester how to grind! wh the young idea to shoot, keep your title in your mind! Norristown Herald ers ‘ Hene’s 's what I call an infernal outrage, * exclaimed Col. Bangs, looking up from paper, as he rode, down Austin avenue in the cars the other morning. What's that? ed Dr. Samson. “Why, I see t dispatch from Washing- ton that the navy department has authorized the West Point Foundry Association to turn out twosteel riflecannon for the new cruisers. What do you think of that, sah?” “Well, my dear colonel, what of it?” What of it?) Why, I should say that there’s lots of it; too much of it, sah!” I tell you, sah, it’s enough to bring the blush of shame toevery honest Americ an cheek, sah!” what's wrong about i sah? I’m surprised at 5 ‘The idea of the government, in order tc being compelled to steal its eannon. «Does it say that?” “Why, cert It says the depart- ment has authorized the West Point Foundry Company to turn out to steal rifled c: for the new ¢: ers. I tell you, outrage and a disgrac going into that kind have given the contract to some one who | The Latest Sullivan News. “Heo, Bill,” s: a tough to his pal, pout Sullivan “What did he do?” “Lit his cigar with it, Drinks the first Traveler. of course.” for tough, — Merchant | into | venerable THE JUDGE. Topnoody. TorNoopy was quite hilarious when ame home, Tuesday evening, and going the kitchen he’ smiled gaily at his nd said: 1 not occurred to me be fore, but why is this week like onr umbre “T don’t know, I’m sur “Ta, ha, my dear, becau You don’t mean to say, you've gone and lent. that do you?” itis Lent!” Fopnoods umbrella ped out, regardl her husband she snap conundrum launched at her. “Don’t fly up that way, my dear; i a joke. Besides, in the Le should forego your usual ple be quite so high tempered.” Don’t talk to me, Topnoody, about tem- T haven't got half as much as you “Of course not, love. You've been giv- ing your temper to me so long, that I some- time’ think the supply ought to be nearly had ‘hot You to make ere you go again, Topnoody are always inding fault and trying py. Forgive me, my dear. you think it But really, now, right to recognize this ul from temptations. desires, and frivolities of the worl Don’t you think that the Sunday of the year, and that we observe it accordingly?” Certainly I do. — You didn’t take me for a Chicago woman, did you? I’ve got just as much religious sentiment as you have, and if you will swear off on beer and cigars, until ter, ll agree to give up the stro: link that binds me to the old ick, and for a season try to be It’s a bargain you will give up, peer. “Well, ‘Topnoody, it is my husband. 1 feel sure if I could send him'to the country for a few weeks, I could be just as good Christian as any woman in town.” ‘Topnoody backed out.—Merchant Tra eler. should 1 Christian.” but you must tell me what if I give up cigars and A WOMAN stood ut the front © wateh- ing her neighbor's dog coming down the street with a kettle tied to his tail, It amused her vastly. Presently the owner of the by in hot pursuit, the gate laugh ugh, Then a little boy rounded the corner with a bright, innocent look upon his face, should say: 1—am—on—an—e for—my—dear—n don’t m dog scurried whereupon the won da gleeful, unneighborly s who and— detain— stopped and said to the woman at the “What are you laughin’ She replied with hilarity: at old Bullrag’s dog with a tail.” jaughin’? ttle tied to it's ain’t it?” the little “The kettle is ’s awful funny be as he hurried on. yourn.” Then the woman at the gate suddenly stopped laughing. —Phila. Call. A Joun Extor bible, printed in the Indian language, has just been sold ia New York for 8950. Your Gothamite is willing to pay a good price fora bible that he can’t read. Tt isn’t twitting him on his wander- ings from the right path.—Boston Transcript. | Pacific we: | lighted his cigarette, Lent is | Made a Mistake. APPEARANCES are often deceitful. haven’t time to enter into a lengthy ment in proof of the above assertion. n who has kicked an—apparently—empty r married an—apparently—even-tem- pered woman, needs nothing in the way of argument to prove that you cannot always tell what’s ina pastebord box by looking it the outside. ‘The truth of tl fully exemplified the other day on bound train, A boarded the train blew in at the rear noticed a short, ored individu of the car, which hung ye Was a Union Denver dude, at Cheyenne, and, as he door of the smoker, he ght-haired, copper-col- sitting near the forward end Ile wore a nice of clothes about him as though laid over aclotheshorse; a paper collar without a tie and a Derby hat 1 Indian, unquestionably, but bothering no one and attending strictly to his own The dude, having , eved the youthful for a moment, and with a ‘Guess Vl talk to that redskin and have some fun,” to the peanut, he waddled down the Reach- ing the son of the waved rns in thea’ him- gainst and business. plains he stopped, as though defendi a swarm of bumble bees, How? Um big Omaha? Paw: Warm Injun’s he extended the invi- a half pint bottle of very “Uh! Heap big Injun! chief! What tribe? Sioux? ? Mave drink firewater? blood!” holding ou tation to smile, mild sherry. The copper-colored gazed at the young man with an ill-concealed expression of contempt upon his face, then opened up his mouth and spoke, w od pronun- ciation: “You must have novels, sir. Tam an attending the Indian sylvania; am now en route for my home, on the Wind River Reservation, Wyomin Ido not drink. Tadvise you todolikewise, Un- less you abstain entirely from intoxicating liquors, you will destroy what little brain you now have. Good day, sir!”—Laramie ‘Boomerang. some dime J been been rea Ara Well, sir, Epirorn—* you?” Stranger—‘ boy, He is an ace what can I do for “T want to find a place for my ptant, and I hear you need a book-keepe Editor—** Y 1 want some oneat a small ary to keep my 1 collect bills, and look after the e wh m out, Stranger—* He can I that. best book-keeper in the Ie. : Is he thoroughly reliable “Well, the fact is, isa kle tomaniac. He has been in the’ penitentiary 4 great many times for t y out of , but beyond that he is all right, and is why I want to get him a place with ni Ile is the ‘With me, el ne will be Philadelphia Call, « Kiss me as I fall asleep,” is the title of anew song. It might work all right with some men, but it would wake us right up.— Burlington Hawkeye out of ué Early-Closing York smashes the plate-glass windows of dry goods stores that do not close early. ‘They want more time te improve their minds.— Louisville Courier-Journal. iation of New comicbooks.com