Judge — March 29, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Soliloquy of Timothy Tartar, Clerk. Tats isa wet, muddy, stormy, day. So, of course, all the delicate females in New York will go ont shopping, and all the store will be crowded. So look out for yourself, Timothy, my boy. Keep your temper and your hair well wet, Ladiés with fiery red faces will want spring bonnets of the ‘same | hue; ladies with whitey-brown and pale-green faces will equally want to strike @ uniform tint and match their complexions whatever they be. Oh! Lord bless you, I have seen lots of it, and it disgusts me with human natu Here comes an old madame of aclass I am only too familiar with. One of those who want to see everything in the store, but who never want to buy always ** mean to go somewhere else before they decide,” and they go, but they never come back, or if they do, it is only to look at thing el Hah! she’s cc ton Hear m go for her. o, we hav not madame, the are ji ld out, the sum es are - Couldn't have them trimmed, madame. Milliners all overworked, and so are the clerks. Heavy busine owing goods to folks who don't want to buy them.” Gone at last; thought she would. Ah! here’s something more in my style; bright, pretty little girl; rosebud mouth, pearly teeth, golden hair, fair pink and white complexion. Oh, don’t she want abonnet? * Like to look at our spring bon- nets madame? New styles, just come in. Don’t require any? No consequence, mam, just allow me the pleasure of showing them to you when you are atle ale pink and blue: either would suit y y, and are not the shapes ¢ she won't stand a moment to look and the old woman would have pulled them over for a week: rou ona fellow, ain’t it? Oh! here comes a woman who will buy, but it will take the whole afternoon to choo However, here asiness is busine She has the in- cvitable three children with her, and they are perched on three stools, and they keep them spinning round and round at electric speed all the time, and the three children yelp, and the three stools squeak, and the mother looks at them with a complacent nd deliberately tries on bonnets. t me mad among them. Wokcases Oil tools before Islecp to-night.] Well, thank Heaven sh last, and she has ordered a bonnet. have I got the directions ri I wish some of the young ladies had been ready to take them. Sho will have the pale blue bonnet, but it must be a little more raised in front and a little higher behind, and rather flatter in the It is to have blue flowers and green », and one pink pair, and one blue strings. That’s all ri; ht, I_ guess hh time at I'm off. she wants a bonnet as on looks as though ve not time toattend ” Hi for steaks much in my is fettered anyway, the one she it were dug up; well Th Bonne ots never wer My manly soul and beer. line anyway, here. the famous theatrical stars k to riding through town in the cars, With the doors opened wide, shivered inside And caught most terrific catarrhs. ion on the Northern It was named by aman broke there. DEVICE OF THE DUDES TO WITHSTAND THE MARCH WINDS. A Pie Detector. following perfectly true instance of espectfully referred to the editor’s of Harper’s Young People, The Boy's Own, ete. Yester Market street res! aurant to “look eth direc- to As she was leaving, a large Newfound- land belonging to the propri tor, began sniff- round her dress and barking in the most vociferous manner. The lady w: once ed by the waiters, secured, bound h and foot, heavily manacled, pinioned, despite her frantic struggles, dragged into an ern-oysters-for-two compartment and rched. On her person was secreted a val- > mince pie. She was then unbound, and bound over to keep the piece—we mean the peace. The proprietor explained to the twenty-six reporters who had flocked to se¢ that the faithful dog had been fully ined for the duty of acting as a sort of a pie detector, ‘0 to sp “You said the hash dispenser, “there is such a lot of cheap politicians and journalists coming here that I’m obliged to get the drop on them in some way. Der. rick Dodd, in San Francisco Post. Oxce more a change of weather, We're scarce two days to Without a spell of rain or fall of snow, snow, snow, So sudden are the From sixty down to three or four below, One day the signs are cheering, Wet pring is nearing, With bud and verdare for the grove fiel Next day we find it snowing, And when to work we're going For snow-slides we must keep our optics peeled, peeled, peeled. field, field; Somerville Journal. Why the General Left Home. Tuomas JEPPERSON was sitting on the lawn in front of Monticello one evening when ed a solitary horseman coming up the road from Charlottesville. As the horseman approached, the sage of Albemarle recognized him as General Washington. He went for- ward and greeted the old hero warmly and remarked that he was surprised to see him. res, Tom, I thought you'd be surprised; but [have come to you to st You'll be as welcome 1 orge; but what ha ve Mt. Vernon? he esp the sunshine, s occurred to make you inquired Mr. Jefferson. Martha has learned ‘Sweet Violets,” said the father of his country. Then ‘silence like a poultice came to heal the wounds of sound.” — Washington Hatchet, A youxe dude once went to Tabiti, But the natives all thought as a sw ‘They would find him so good, ‘That they used him for food; Or, to put it more plainly, they eat he. Coruna LLEWELLYN, of Pottsville, is a wooden-legged woman, the widow of a wooden-legged man and mother of a wooden- leggec Morning Journal. Yooden legs ‘run’ in the Llewellyn fam- ily, strange as it m om. A Yona Irish couple presented them- selves one morning before the priest for the purpose of being united in the holy bonds of matrimony. Observing that the man was under the influence of alcoholic stimu- lants, the priest refused to perform the cere- mony. The next day the same thing oc curred with the same result. “Why? asked the priest, ‘ why do you, a well-born respectable girl, come with @ man in such a condition?” “Oh! your reverenc ” she sobbed, won’t come when he’s sober.” “he comicbooks.com