Judge — March 22, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

6 ter fadder ter me dan Andrew Martin Van Buren ebber could have been, but [ don’t pear to recognize ’zactly wat he means for to do. 1 ’clare I sometimes wishes I'd nebber lef ole Carliny at all, Dis am de moss mixed up kermunity I ebber got into, I hain’t seen a shoat since I ’ribed, an eben groun nuts am called pea-nuts an sole fur ten cents a quaht, Besides dat, I had a fadder ana mudder ob my own down home, but now tings am so mixed dat I clar ‘fo goodness, I dun know whose chile I’se become. _Whed- der I belongs to paw an cole black Rose, or to maw an Brudder White—one ting am certain, maw am bent on habbin dat dibore Taxed her what she war going ter do wid it when she n she said, “ go “lon chile, what der yer s'pose I’m gettin it fur? I tole her I dun no, an she laffed and said, “Dat diborce am what I’se goin ter marry Brudder White wid. I nebber war so ’stonished befoah, for Brudder White am dun got a wife, an I tole her so. Den she slap me long side de hed, an said she got no toime to be foolin all da wid truck like me, but she finally to s’plain dat Brudder White war git a diborce too, an so yer sce, troubles me. If dey all marries each odder and mixes tings up so, war do I come in? Yers had a lot ob learning, Gustus, an yer ought ter know, an mought be yer cud write a letter an tell me what I'd ought ter do. Pears loike dar war no one leff to look after der little pickerninnies, but maw says de Lor’ will pervide. I hopes He will, but I dunno. Maw says I wouldn’t feel so if I had a change ob heart, and dat I’m not spiritoral minded, but [reckon d dat I’se jess homesick for New ¢ dough I doan’t say I could ebber be m ter yer dan [am at presen, still I monght tink ober wat I fuss tole yer when yer axed me. My fadder know ‘se had bout trouble ‘nuff ter take up wid moighty pooah trash, perwided I couk back once moah ter de male what am gone, and ter ole Norf Car- liny. Write ter me, me ebber yer m when yer can, and b'lieve distractive friend, PHRONIE MULBERRY Mrs. Squizzile on Amusements. I wave up my mind that I would see why managers produced other people's ‘plays’ and left mine unnoticed in the pig- eon-hole. Determined to go where I would a nt down to the play with two and suicides in it. By some sleig and that I failed to comprehend, we were seated in the right spot by the usher in double-quick time. We had to wait till both Sally Mari and I disgusted before the curtain riz. When it did, the scene fairly made my hair stand on end, It carried me back to the d of ‘Thaddeus of W and Sally Mari has been on the rampage repeating the poem ‘The Polish Boy,” in imagination, to de- lighted audiences ever sinc When that vile letter was found and read and I became sat hat the di woman, Nadjezd in to away to the villainous libertine, I just riz in my seat and sez I, ‘* Don’t you doit!” The idea of put lence into any man who would write such a letter as that, made my blood bile. / “Hash, bona-; murders mother!” sez Sally Mari in a THE JUDGE. THAT BOY. No. The bad boy of fifty years ago, and the old, old story of a crooked pin. whisper, a tuggin at my cloak, to pull me down into my seat. “Let me and shall sp subject.” ‘The usher can up in a flurry Sit down, madam! sit downf Don’t you see you are disturbi audienc nd if you don’t keep quiet I shall have to pnt you out. Everybody lone,” sez 1; V’'m a woman my mind freely on such a and sez he, : turned around in their seats and gazed at me, but I didn’t care for that; I had 1 mall know what I thought of such dishonorable proceedings on a public stage, so I sot down and waited for the re- sult. In a few minutes the villainous old wretch sent the young wife he had ruined the dead body of her husband. ‘Just what she might have expected,” 2 I,in a whisper; for seeing the usher standing right by my chair I didn’t dare to utter my sentiments aloud. ‘Then the way the ruin villain made my flesh creep. y sills thing she did was to pizen herself. “I'd have gone the length and breadth of Christ- endom to have pizened him, but I wouldn't have killed myself,” sez [ to Sally Mari when the curtain went down. ‘The gentlemen nearly all left the theatre, and I didn’t wonder at it. Sally Mari they had gone out to get a breath of fresh air, and would come back before the com- mencement of the next act It was just what I would have liked to do myself, for the perspiration was standing out in big drops all over me; somehow 1 felt as if I'd been assisting at a murder myself. {ter we had waited till I was tired for the curtain to rise, I got out my looked at my programme to meant. Good gracious!” sez I to Sally’ Mari; “Fifteen years elapse before the next act. Do you suppose I’m going to set here fifteen 3? No, not if there's fourteen urders and as many stticides to be witne: and I got up and left wife cursed that The only sill ee what it A certary young girlof Weehawken Professed to teach parrots their talkin’; But she made such a din ‘That they could not chip in So they never got further than squawkin’, ) they deskiver next? Mrs. Spilkins makes a Discovery. HAPPENING to com an old num- ber of one of the comic weeklies the other day, Mrs. Spilkins’s ey attracted by the following paragraph, which, with an air of considerable interest, she read aloud to her Pr the site of ancient Ilium, were portic the tail and. neck of the famous wooden horse. The fact of this dis hould convince every one that Homer's great as more than a mere tail of the imagination, and in the mane correct.” ‘Well, I declare excl lady, “this beats everything! What won't . That Perfessor Slee- man must be a most wonderful man, After this, I really believe, if he had been employed instead of them stupid detectives, he could have diskivered Charlie Ross, or the men that murdered Mr. Nathans and Dr. Burdell, or Stewart's body; well! just to think that he should have dug up old Homer's wooden horse which has jaid in the ground so many thousands of years, that I read about when I went to sch nd which they took into Albany with his stomach full of soldiers— well, dear me, it’s wonderful.” “Into Albany, my de: husband in astonishme “Well, [ knew it was place near it,” replied M at her hi med the old exclaimed her a mean Troy.” Albany or some of miles away “© You can’t gography of my own re arked his wi tones, ‘And I've too often n on up the Hudson river t to know this. of mil away from here. are laboring under slight confusion of ideas, Tam afr ¢ Spilkins, I severely. and not in mine, dear. being in an Asia mine, T I know ‘an ‘well as you thal’ things which they find underground generally’ are. in min So you needn’t tell me that. I really do know something, Mr. Spilkins,” she comicbooks.com