Judge — March 22, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHAPTER IIT. The Dildooley Names. David Dildooley was an respect for the alphabet. ferred from the names he lestowed on his children. He b four sens and one dangh- ter, and their names were Alexander Bar- tholomew Charles Dildoole Daniel Elder- berrry Frederick Dildooley, Gustavus Hen- dronikus Ichabod Dildooley, Jeremiah Kal- derich Lechoniah Dildooley and Mevalena Nackawana Olivebranchie Dildooley, | who had great is may be in- CHAPTER IV. Two Diidooleys. Dildooley was a tinker and his Imost Anything.” He was a capital fixer and anything from watch repairing to rail splitting was done by him with neatness and dist He wa married and resided on the Skillet Lane, AL B.C. blacksmith and He had a He also kept a 8 a bellows blower he had few equals and no superiors. THe was unmarried and | consequently had never gone out from the | parental rooftree. CHAPTER V More Ditdooley. IL. I. Dildooley was a builder of hou: He had married into the Smithers famil his wife was a woman of powerful build bounced him around. It was generally sup- posed that she wore the bre; . although nobody had ever seen her attired in a pair of those ‘articl G. TL. I. at one time had built a house and it had tumbled over and killed two men and a dog. As a natural consequence his reputation as a house car- penter had suffered thereby. J. K. L. Dildooley v had invented a double chine called the fi This great gun | -dealing instrament when prop- | erly fired off. It would knock a man ora | dog into fifty pieces and hurl him clean across Butter county in two minutes and a | half. | CHAPTER VI. And Yet Another Dildooley. Mevalena Nackaw Olivebranchie Dil- dooley was a beautiful maiden. Raven ringlets clustered around her fair white brow; her eyes were of asoft and melting brown; her nose was faultlessly shaped; her lips were about right and her teeth were as white as the driven snow. She never used tobacco in any form. She had graduated at the Agricultural college and could milk a cow in four minutesand a half, Her father, mother and brothers were very proud of her, and they were determined that she should marry only one of the noble nd best. Of course M. N. O. Dildooley had mang | admirers. Twenty-four young men had | struggled manfally to win her, but they couldn’t come it. Their declarations and ions failed to touch a responsive chord | art. To each one she turned nswered no. And one after another went out, flung themselves into the watering trough and were drowned. gunsmith. He 1 shooting ma- CHAPTER VII. A Bold Butcher Boy. At last there came to the town a bold | butcher boy named Benoni Butterbowl. He had a fine form, handsome face, and, like the majority of butchers, he was good. | bawled, THE JUDGE. Ludlow Street Jail Etiquette. The homage paid to the moneyed prisoner. tured and portly. As soon as he saw M. N. 0. Dildooley “he loved her, and she re- turned his love with all the fierceness of the Dildooleys. They decided that they would iter house and a 4 Benoni knew that he could do the slaughtering d M.N. 0. thought she could tend the meat shop. It was all arranged by Benoni and M. N. 0., but the course of true love doesn’t run smooth amongst butchers any more than amongst anybody else. CHAPTER VIII. Firmness. When the old Dildooleys heard that their danghter who had rejected twenty-four abont to marry a bloody butcher they raised a rumpus of the most ex- Kind. fe ‘Would you break your old hea art? ?” inquired Mrs. Dolly Dilhoc “Would you send your old father down on his head to the grave?” inquired Mr. David Dildooley. “Oh can't give him up,” responded M.N.O. “Tcan'tgive himup. Ie loves me te Me tly and truly, and I love him ditto. an’t give him up even though I should break the heart of every Dildooley in the universe. No, I can’t give him up. I love him fondly and we can ‘have fresh beef and tallow pudding every day of our lives.” mother’s CHAPTER IX. More Firmness. It was then decided in the Dildooley fam- ily that if M. N. O. didn’t crush out her | love for the base-born butcher and cast him off forever, that butcher should die at the hands of a Dildooley. When this announcement was made to M. N. O. she wept like a cow, that is, she bat abe: refased 0° up her Benoni. “Oh, no!” she said between the boo hoos, “T can’t give him up! boo hoo! and I won’t give him up! boo hoo! What would this world be to me without Benoni? boo hoo! nd what would this world be to Benoni, hoo hoot without me? boo hoo! Shoot down Benoni, boo hoo! or shoot down me, boo hoo! or better still, shoot us both down, boo hoo! but we can’t be separ can’t be sep: ed. We stand as firm as the everlastin Then M. termined. he wipe gle and ceased to make a cow of herself. CHAPTER X. The Old Man Passes Down the Valley. One day after Benoni had killed a beef and sold it to the Opossum hille: washed his hands, put on his best clothes, and went to the Dildooley mansion. iel Dildooley re: going to do about it ng to make arrangements to kill him Benoni then informed Mr. David in a very positive nner that he would have M 0. for his wife even if the heavens M1, the old man went into the nt out one of his son’s imed it at Benoni, but M ushed be- Forthwith and tween the butcher and the fizzb Benoni then thrust his hand. into his pocket, pulled out a shot-gun and aimed it Yavid Dildooley. M. O. didn’t act the hontas this time, and a pint of shot, seven bullets and a cannon ball were poured into Mr. David Dildooley’s hat. He i down the valley without leaving any las words. CHAPTER XI, The Old Woman Follows, This was a sad blow for Dolly Dildooley. Here was the man she had walked beside through all the trials and troubles of life, sent to his grave by the hand of a butcher who had shot him through the hat with the same recklessness that he would shoot a beef in the same place. Yes, it was a crael blow for Doll d it knocked her down to rise no more—at least not until after this story is ended. comicbooks.com