Judge — March 22, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

POPULAR SON His servant continually warbles * 28. weet Violets.” and she thought hot water had been put in e the butter arrive quickly. She | 1 into it and began to dip out the clothes. They were found perfectly white, clear of everything, including buttons. My uncle took up the idea; here wasa fortune— the washing machine was a thing of the present. - B. t butter was shipped to town, and the improved machine washes everything out of clothes, even the button-hole Old Sir Newton, while lying one day under a beech tree, looking at a big water- melon up there which had been tied toa limb by one of his boys to fool him, thinking it the result of a graft, and, considering how good it was, suddenly saw it let go and he skipped. Ie set to work to find out what ade it come down, and discovered gravita- aws things to the earth, which plained, and since that time people have had a pretty good idea that if they jump off a four-story house, in all probability they may hurt theniselves in falling. ‘They never knew it before. When Watts, not Watson, but old man Watts, came into the kitchen one cold day and sat down on the lid of the kettle on the stove and began to give his wife some lessons in the way his mother used to build up meals, there was a sudden explosion. After they had disentangled him from the lath of the ceiling and got him down again, h first words were, ‘* Ihave madeadiscovery! He then set to work and constructed the steamengine. This, of course wtionary, but Stephenson made one himself which. under full headway and ran off on its many wheels; this s ed to him the idea of a locomotive that would run over cows, horses, little children, and big fo My cousin, Dunn Brown, molder of fashion lon throned by the usurping Dude family. had, behind the sec long tried to inv a pot-hook that would lift him into we where he wanted to reside, but co: the hitch on it. One morning, to be Ie | long before it that | but e | but it was a high-kicker. | sented the stub end of the musket t the hopes of esea Sweet Violets,” THE JUDGE. club, h rly to go down town to sce a man who kn what w nod for it. = It noticed that he had reversed his shirt. It was a hit if it wasn’t a fit, and was the making of his fortune, as shirts open at the ack are adopted now into our language. The theory of the Daguerrcotype was first started by arelation of mine. He used to look at himself ina looking glass and think if he could only fix that beautiful picture there it would be the making of his fortune. Ile tried every way to fix it there, spent most of his time there; would put mucilage on the glass thinking it would stick, or stand so he thonght it would cer- tainly fix itself there. He tried everything, 'y time he went away it went away with him, Ife knew it could and ought to be done, but while he was experimenting another man perfected it and got the credit, and the money, which was worse. An ancestor of mine invented the musket, In war they pre- the et went among enemy and away the Vg id behind. them’a flying, while the It was afterwards improved. An ancestor invented the first thermome- He was out a good deal and noticed ed bottle of spirits which he id high in warm and got low in He struck an idea. hs bs a BELLAW, BROWN Witness, A, w. ‘The policeman is afflicted with it and disturbs his rest. A Beauty’s Two Beaux. got two beaux,” s! 1, “two beaux” (She warbled in the choir) Te tenor and the basso both Yours truly do admire. “Lalternate; when fears are scarce As truths in serceds of Vennor, Ani stripling voices fit the day, I patronize the tenor. “ Bat when ’tis night, and horrors threat My timid soul to lass Terave a voice that frights the foe, And utilize the basso.” Yonkers Gazette Most people mistake the point of the old proverb, ** Truth is stranger than fiction.” This doesn’t mean that trath is more re- markable than fiction, but merely that we are not so well acquainted with it. It is the kind of “stranger” that we all need an in- troduction to, | Sweeter than all the Roses” but the chimes echo it THE DILDOOLEYS; on, EDY ON OF THE TRA SSUM HILL. A TALE OF BLOOD, LY ©, PHADDLE STYX Pride of F the Bloody Butcher Knife;" “The Demon of the Cnt Stable, or the Incisible Pitchfork; “The Paky Pop Guu, or the Wad of Destruction “Mra, MeGli) Broken Hearted Irishman;” *Hamle ete, ete, Author ¢ CHAPTER I. Opossum Hilt. Far out on the old Jingo path between Preston and Penobscott there stands riet village known as Opossum Hill. The trav- eler as he passes through this secluded place would never dream that a fearful tragedy had been enacted there He would never suspect that at one time the same highway on which he travels literally ran with blood. This is yarn enough for the first chupter. CMAPTER IL. The Parental Dildooleys. In the village of Opossum ILill there re: a family by the name of Dildoole: father’s name was David Dildooley mother’s name was Dolly Dildooley. Atthe time of which I write they were nearing their threescore and ten yearsand had retired from busin All the work they did was to gather the produced by sixteen hens, | read the old Almanac and smoke | two pipes. and the comicbooks.com