Judge — May 26, 1883 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. PUBLIG GRIEVANGES. BY &, Te No. 3. “ Kape quiet, will yez, for a second,” said the nurse-girl to the lace-capped_ and linen- dressed child which she carried in her arm “Be aisy, if it’s in yez nathur, till 1 spake to this gintleman for a whoile. * As T says to me own cousin, Bric lone, but the day before yestherday, me sit- TEN RVCK, uation. AVS difference betwane me and yerself. is warruck in a laundhry have I to from dawn till twiloight, wid niver a chance to brathe a br yez have to do is to tind to and spind most of yer toime zing at the sparrows. Besoides, yez have a good home and twilve dollars a month.” "+ Sure, ve should sce the good home,” sez 1; * where do TE slap Wid the cook and the housemaid, both of thim the dirty Dutch, ‘There are three ay us penned up in what vez ght call a cell, a little apartment wid whitewashed ceilings and a windy the size ay & postage stamp; and there is only wan bed for usall. Ef ye belave in the ould maxim that two is company and three a crowd, you can raypose on the Hure. The w fair enough—whin I gets thim. Half av the toime the missus puts me off, says that divil a cint did the masther give her for the servants, and yet the very sume afthernoon out will she go, in a coupe, mind yez, spreading wid her silks and satins and diamonds, like a quane, to spind a lot av money at the dhry-goods sthores. By the way, I have noticed av late that not a bun- dle will the same dhry-goods wagons lave un- til the bill is paid. [tis in hard luck must the masther be, but who would think that he could not afford to pay a poor girl, to sce down to the office av a morning wid rin his hand, a-twirl- “Thin this choild I have here—(If vez dare open yer mouth agen, ye young rat! it’s meself who will close it wid a slap for yez)— av all the wurriment that iver was, he bates thim all, It is ery, ery all the time; not a minit can he be still. nd the artful one that he is! to be the only abject av his loife, * Look at yestherday: T wur up at Madi- son Square a-talking to Denny O'Hara, ving as policeman there, and me own blood relation—his father and maine came over in tho same ship thegither—and shurely there is no harrum in a minute’s conversation wid him. Wud yez belave it, just as he were asking me wud I go to the moonloight bar- becue av the Undertaker’s Glee Club, the lit- tle rascal lept out of me arms and fell intil the wather of the fountain, Denny rescued him, and it tuk nearly two hours to dhry him in the sun; yet aven thin he wur damp, which we got him home and the missus no- ticed it, “She asked me tho rayson; I had to have some excuse, so I towld her that we had passed too adjacint to a sphrinkling cart and recaived some of its contints, | didn’t dare tell her the truth, for it wud have bin out in the could wurruld for moif I had, for the missus disloikes Denny. He called upon me three or four toimes, and the missus saya there was a silver fork or spune missin’ afther aich visit. ‘I'he idea av puttin’ a slur upon 8 poor lad like that! “Well, she give me fits for me carcless- ness, but I could stand that. She gives me fits, anyway. Weren’t 1 blowed up Key-high small choild, t the Park, gi oar hav frish air; whiles all that | To get me in throuble appears | | bekass the other nolpht. whi dhe Went t the thay-a-ter, I took him up in me room, an’ to quiet him I lets him tay wid the ker- osene lamp. Loike the young ruflian he is, | he burnt his fingers on the chimbly, just on purpose, I do belave, to git me in throuble; Kape that mouth av yez mute, me darlint, me darlint, m slape, me ‘darlint—h That’s the missus darlint. Go to 's Norah's little pet. pmin’ round the corner! CORRESPONDENTS. Expr. —Thanks, we will use it, Verstrax,—Probably next week. Faxxy.—We will probably use ft Spats Astenicay,—) Dexxts.—You “cart horse, Taner-riy.—If you ever sent us script, we have never seen it, Uf it turns up 1 et you know C., Detroit, —We like the Send along a specimen, and if the execut als the design we will gludiy avail : poly on on of the paper nur guidance in future, as printers like MS in that As regards the effusion you sent us, {tts immat Js the waste-basket is Harry DEB.—You, and others tik poisoning all the ple nough to make us season in the year so th tempt you into verse. Peter G.—Write your little story in good sober | prose and we will consider it, It may. be funny, and we are inclined to think it is, but at present it is so fogged with verbiage and bad verse as hardly to repay the trouble of reading, much less of print ing. cannot ast not i Dathos olumns, with | no change could occur to Ay Englishman who saw one of the press portraits of the late Peter Cooper, remarked that ‘he looked like a blasted our Ou tang, you know.” It terribly hard on our late revered citizen, but wonderfully true to the cut, A cinces proprietor boasts of his “stud of costly chargers,” whereat Blisson says he knows of a stud of costly chargers t : the cireus man’s all “hollow—his_ tailo butcher and grocer. Blisson says they are the costliest chargers he ever knew of, A sewsparen in Japan is over 900. years | old. Its projector is dead, and its prese proprietor says that if some of the ori subscribers don’t pay up pretty soon he'll | cross their names off “his subscription bod ** DRowNtNa men clutch at straws and so do other men—those of the * smil- | ing” kind—when a brandy-smash or a she ry-cobbler happens to be at the end of the straw, Tie biggest part of Uniontown, Indiana, | was burned up last week, and a western pa- | per, in dealing with the news, was unkind 1 its article “Purified by Fire.” PeorLe who endeavor to out railway taurant pie-crust or carve boarding. beefsteak, should remember that time wasted can never be recalled. ‘Te man who stole a chronometer was on time, but the policeman who nabbed him was on the watch, Wuey new Irish potatoes sell at 83 a bushel we don’t see why the Irish population need to be fooling around with dynamite. | to investigate. | of the hut LINES ON AN INFANT. “UNCLE BILLY'S SNAKE STORY. Sitting in the Rockett lage of A—, vous ruralists telling tales their mugs of hard ider every evenin One evening last week the tales were all about snakes, “There was one story in particular worth preserving. was told by an aged farmer, the name of © Cnele Billy ; you want me to tell about some snakes in my day. Well. 1 will tell you about the big snake of Amawalk Pits) It was the day fter the Sccore’s barn and outbuildings was burnt down, [and some other of the neighbors were sitting near the ruins re freshing ourselves with some hard cide! gave Secore, when we saw i by Tke Eb, Bassett come running to us as if the old sming more col- Hotel, in the vil- hear groups of the boy was after him. On be lected, I d passing by the little Frenchman's hut in the mountains he almost walked on top of a snake us big around as a barrel and thirty feet long. There was a general laugh, as it was thought it was the effects of the hard cider. Immedi: vafter Jim Mead came in breathless with the same story. ‘Two men were sent up the mountain Shortly after the committee of investigation were seen coming down the mountain as if their running was to save their lives. They corroborated the story of the snake. It was then decided. to go up hone armed with a gun 1 with double B. On coming in sight of the snake there was not one of us that did not feel shaky. as there was the monster coiled up right in front of Frenchy’s hut, fully as big as Eb. Bassett first deseribed it, if not bigger. However, we all blazed away at it.” "Did we kill it, no? Why?" * Bec {ter firing at it Frenchy came out irsing and dancing as if he was crazy, The fact was, boys, the little French- man was a taxidermist, and we had blown to atoms a splendid skin of a boa constrictor he had set up.” IMPIRE.”” 0 much Vo, dear fe says: ‘Tt is not ut makes us suffer.” brother; what you do makes other people suf- AN exeha what we di fer, That's the beauty of being a newspaper. Ir the female glove becomes any longer ladies will be obliged to let a few tucks out of their arms in order to follow the fashion— and this would be very inconvenient. AN exchan; Marriage, sense that i maid know » has “The Disadvantages of by an old maid. Now what non- What on earth can an old pout rriage? A New dersky way lumber’s wife. his bill in first. s caught kissing a Ile probably wanted to get Uspen tHe wittow — The boy who is getting birched, comicbooks.com