Judge — October 28, 1882 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. BROGANS NO. 9. By one of Mrs, Jartey’s Was Pigures, ‘Twene lives a girl in Jersey, All dressed in warmest kersey, Her father’s rich from selling honest cod; She wears bright striped stockings, With nice embroidered clockings, And her feot are quite the nicest ever shod. [loved her very madly, And I'thought sbe loved me sadly, "Twas (hroe miles to her Bouse that I must plod. I didn’t mind the stalking Throagh the dust where I was walking, For my feet were always very thickly shod. One evening near the garden Tasked my darling’s pardon, For my being bat a hopper of the clod; Bat I tempted her to marriage, To a man without a carriage, To a man whose only vehicle was a hod. And then I heard a rustling Where the watchdogs were a bustling; And suddenly my darling gave a nod; A thrill went quickly throagh me, As if the angels knew me— I discovered how her governor was shod. The New Boarding Plan. Miss Grvser's select boarding-house will reopen October 1. Candidates for admission must possess conversational power, have strong digestive apparatus (in order to stand the high living), and play on one of the fol- lowing instraments: Cornet, bass-viol, har- monium, ‘Text-books: “Mrs, Ward's Eti- quette,” omitting chapters on Funerals; “Mrs. Quinn’s Handkerchief Flirtations for Beginners,” or an equivalent. . x “In_order.that ‘no* morbid curiosity may ex- 1) Seat, parties are requested to hand in a sketch 2 oftheir past lives, with any little digressions or backslidings they may have had, to Miss Gossip, in charge of this department. She will cheerfully and readily impart any infor- mation she may possess to the sojourners, Well-lighted halls a specialty. Once ad- mitted—and our requirements are severe—the jay or gentleman finds herself or himself in a y social place. Graduates have taken high positions in society. Nice, highly-cultivated servants, good in- , chosen for their social qualities par exemple. Subjects for conversation: Climatology, (the weather), Jesse James, cats, malaria, No hash. Breakfast from 104, M, until 10 P.M. For ladies contemplating matrimony no better place could be offered for the display of those social and other charms whieh have rendered them so attractive in times past. For gentlemen of means, well alobg in life, who have not as yet met their affinities, no better place could be offered, All the com- forts of home, combined with draw-poker, faro, loo, baccarat, ete., on the top floor, by special permission of the excellent prefect of police, who is a graduate of this institution, In order that none of the gentlemen may need diversion elsewhere during the long | winter evenings, one room is especially fitted draught, It is our design to do away with this department as soon as our younger inmates become educated up to the higher ideal of the top floor, Canary birds cannot be kept, as they draw the mice. To sum up, Miss Gruber’s is the multum in parvo cum dignitate of our city. Hoping for a continuance of past favors, we are cordially yours, etc., consicrts, She Didn’t Understand Them. “TeLL me,” said the fair Lucinda, the sweetest aml most graceful coquette at a large party the other evening, ‘‘ who is the pale, ministerial-looking man, with sad dark eyes, who sits so quietly there amid the buzz of the crowd that surrounds him, while he seems in a dream of busy thought ?” “He is the society editor of you know him?” said her brother. “ Goodness gracious, you don’t tell me, and Thave been looking for him the whole even ing, for Bessie Bright told me there was tobe a society editor here to-night, and when I asked how I was to tell him, she said, ‘Oh, you will have no trouble to tell him by his shape, although he don't carry a sign. He will be elegant in manners, lively, jolly, and do nothing but dance, romp with us girls, and make a world of fun.’ I am so disap- pointed; he looks as if he was just ready to wilt.” When she read the paper the next morning, perusing the magnificent lay-ont of choicely-selected adjectives, which grappled with herculean strength the description of c! gant toilets, the brilliant display of di monds and jewelry, with the minute and interesting way he gave away her last year's silk, it made her shudder and think of the old adage, ‘* You can’t tell much by the looks of a toad how far he can jump.” 3: don't THER a dispute among some of the architects about the proper color of blinds, the old green being taboocd. for a dull red, and another for pale pearl. Both belong to the color blind party. ‘A DAILY paper at the in water. was rocked in the cradle of the deep. ul springs, and not from sea- AS soon as the moon gets full it begins to grow Iean, and it keeps on in that way uatil it reaches its last quarter. A cocoanut is described which, when the milk dries, becomes as hard and black as coal, and will burn. Nobody, cf course, will un- dertake to explain the coke in the milkynut. It does not make much difference w side of a pump a man sits on while milking; and that is where it has an advantage over the ordinary cow. A svatime drink : ‘The Golden Horn, Mean time: Running away from your up as a saloon, with fresh beer always on | ereditol One party is | ays that rock-salt is made | We always had a notion that salt | Trvism for all time: like the mushroom, There is no room Reavrar sharpers n blades, | ‘Tue first of the “Jersey Blues”: King In- | digo. A wor for the hotel-keeper : He is a host in himself. SINKIN funda Naval [See Robeson. } appropriations. | New rendering for an old adage: Half a loaf is better than no sugar. ‘Tue grand tour for Cook's excursionists : | To Table Bay. Spirits over proof: Printers’ devils. ‘Tue Lay of the Last Minstrel: Sometimes in the gutter, JOURNALISTIC. motto (exemplified by two New York newspapers): Truth against, The | World, (Developments anxiously awaited. } Familiar Proverbs, (Uecised Btition.) A Wisk man changes his fool ; changes anything—not even hi a fool never mind, Br a friend to yourself, and others will be friends to themselves also, Crovpy mornings 1 evening | turn out very rainy Despair hath ruined some, but depos New Jersey banks multitud ENAMPLES teach more than school-ma’ams, but not so positively withal. Few words sufficeth for the deaf mute. Great wealth and poor relations s | live together, dom He is a good orator who persuades the | balky mule to go, Lirré would be too smooth without a bob- | tail car. Many talk like philosophers and live at the | five-cent restaurant, Notiiye is more. pre cept money. ious than time—ex- Ose hour's sleep before midnight is worth more than four hours of sleeplessness after. Prosperity makes friends, and the police judge sometimes tries them. Quackery has no friend like the purchaser of patent medicines. Spenp and be free, and you will be free to spend so long as your moncy lasts. Uspippen guests, if troublesome, are most welcomed when they are fired out. Vows made at the temperance mecting are forgotten in the rum shop. Wuo teaches “ often” ought to pronounce it correctly, You must be content sometimes with rough roads—if you happen to be a commuter on a New Jersey railway, | Zo.a without nastiness wouldn't make the | ‘* Pot-Bouille,” comicbooks.com