Judge — October 28, 1882 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR POPULAR FARCES. REPORTED BY "ED." OUR INTELLIGENCE BUREAUS. Citanactrrs: Ma. Thuip, Me. Bermacwerren, Mist MeCanty, Mise O'P ose, Miss Scmwerrzeneens, Isey Intelligence Office, ~Time.—Any time tain rises, revealing Mr. BuRnauKeRren at desk benches occupien with the usual collection of femuni | | | | ity to be beheld in an Intelligence Bureau, for lasties only. Mr. Bureankeeper.-Ladies, will f 1 quit? Miss McCarty, if you do not stop doubling | your fata at Miss O'Pake, twill be reluctantly com. | pelled to deny you the privilege of my bureau. It is Fe: sorry L will be to do that, too, Miss MeCarty, for you ‘one of iy best eustomers Miss MeCarty.—You may well say so. x, it is eight situations have [been in fr wakes, and it is the fifty eints As for Miss OF he, Mr. B—Quiet; here ¢ tomer. sa suck I mean a cus: [Eater Me Toe 23 Mr. Tanid.—This is Mr. Bureaukeoper's pl Mr, B. (sievetly).-Yes, sir, Lam Mr. Rureaukeeper, What can [io for you,sir? Isit cook. chatnlor-mahl,waite ress, or maid of all work? Our cooks are warranted sir, our ¢ pid an er of the highest grad wail jnaled, and [ean frankly say that when it comes to maids of all work [ consider that we carry off the cream-crested cake. What is it you desire, | Mr. T.—Well -ah —that is to say, my wife and myself have just got married, and we wonld like—just settled, you know—to bi 1, a—a—really Te tell under what bead the kind of a girl we want would come, for we want her to he most everything: al¥ In one. Th ly two in our family, and that is just at as near as T B.—Ob. 10 get to it tly Mr. derstand pe I believe Fhave | re, sir, a jewel V's family for five ye want —a trea: 1» accos 1 not stay great stock 1 I her to with tears in his eyes, She that never w eformed Miss MeCarty, please. Miss McCarry approaches. she accept for work un tan Mr. T—l—al, that is, P want a gil Mise Met, —Av all worruk t Mr, T—Yea Miss McC, —How many av Mr. T.—Self and wile Miss Met —No chitdher ? 4 (Mushing.)=Not as y Miss Met —Where do ye live . Mr, T.—We have our own house, Mice Met.—Wheret Mr, T.—Just beyond the bridge in Morrisa Mise Me€.—Didd ye say Morris Mr, T=Yes, Miss Mef—Is it a counthry Mr N--no, not exactly, It's twenty dollars a week, % Miss McC-—Thin must rayfu ah fam nd Twinty-tifth st Beit Miss McCanry. Ml. above Wan Hundred unless in a counthry sate 2 proposal oor, niver will [liv if Mr. B.—Disl not [tell yout Spartan—female Spar. tan, Fixed in her principles. We hav here—no, sir, Come to think, though, [1 she woukl suit you after all. Too used france, aristocracy. Miss O'Pake; will you please oblige? (Appear Miss O'Pake.) Miss O'Pake, Mr. Mr.— Mr. T.—Timid. Mr. B.—Thanks. Mr. Timid would like a girl. | Please confer with him | Miss O'Puke (having recollectel the dialogue vith Miss McCarty). —There are only two av ye, sit? Mr. T.—Yes. THE JUDGE. ——— JUDGE OF A MAN AS YOU. Yo useanlit have taken hina to be the om ther countiers I must con- | of deceit; Miss OP. Mr. T. -How much We Fourteen dollars or nothing for me! tut my wife said to } give a month? Miss OP, Mr. T. T urteen dollars or not sth Miss OP. —Mave y Mr, T.—No. Miss OPM be uninterrupte other sarvents? sway in the enlinary departments will Mr. T.—Of—ot course. T don't believe my wife Mss P.-L have a room. to mesilf? Mr. T.— Miss OT, garret? Mr. T. ely Miss PI have Winsday afthernoons out? Mr, T.—1 1 suppose so, if itis right. Mr. Bet Decidedly When Miss O'Pake was at service with Grover Cleveland, she bad every afternoon out Miss OP. Ani every Sunday. Mr. T.—Roally, L must have to consult her, you know Mise OP, —Thin whol did ye not bh T make me conthracts for menisl gard to future co not phresent Tmust see my wife. 1-1 her wid yer? Fvices widor ray: Mr. T. (crushedt).—TIt agree to the Sundays out upon my own culpabitity. Miss U'7— Aud Lean have the use av the piannay? Mr. T. (horrified). —Tho pianot Miss O'P.—Av corse uisie-tacher, Monswan ¢ Bolini tould me that if I failed to practice twoice a wake I wud lose me delicacy av touch, Mr But— hut Miss 0 P—But phat? Mr.T.—We—we (iss OPaKE. sen aicay with an air of insulted Miss OP.—An' do ye suppose that I wad live wid a ly that does not own a pianny? Niver! Nivert [Feit Miss O'PaKE.) Mr. T. (helplessly).—V'm sorry, Mr. Bureaukeeper, hat Fhaven’t a piano. got a—a Jew’s-harp, | but we can’t afford a piano. Mr. B. (affalg).—Don t mind, Me. Timid, Come to nel for you. German. think twice, T've got just the He if . Miss Schweltzelberg, Enter Miss ScHweiTZEL.Re Ma. BCREACKEEER Tells her Mr. Train's terms.) Mr. B.—She will come, sir. Uhave preferred to talk th her mgself, as her command of English is very In- different. converses with her But this ie what he really was, She is capable? red to cleanse the bureau's you can truly recommend her as the Bureau's C Mu. Tint ad Mu rk: in Lack office). —tkey! hweitzelbers got winder varrant The New Version. THE new version of the “ Mary had a little seems to be about this: lamb was an incipent pup r Mary's name which would make out “Te followed her bat still it lingered near ry did appear.” In fact the pup relationship to the to school one day ast so the rhyme 1 round: the street while Mary was deelinin, school-master, butted a half- jozen unsuspect- sntlemen who tried to caress him: three girls up a tree; upset spe olf a door-t house of mourning; knocked down the ; plowed up the flower: alfadozen collars left on the grass to bleach, and almost pa the young man who home, by a blow in the place where his skin- sting baldsheaded, bed, and swa tempted to tight trousers were aring earrings that are ¢ probably meant to Thus the girl of fangled adornments, Tne girls are tittle lanterns. nal the following train, the period, with her new: a brakewoman, comicbooks.com