Judge — October 28, 1882 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR POPULAR FARCES. | REPORTED BY OUR INTELLIGENCE BUREAUS. Ma. Timip, Ma. Bureackreren, Mise McCam O'PAkE, Miss ScHWRITZELUERG, Isey, — Intelligence Uptice Soon Tine, —Any time, tain rises, revealing ™ at desk Berrackerren, swat collecti benches occupiet with 0 ity to be beheld in an Intell | for ladies | | ae Bureau. only. Mr. Bureaukeeper.—Ladies, will yon please tw quiet? Miss McCarty, iff you donot stop doublin: your fists pelle sorry Iwill be to lo that, too, Mist MeCarty are Misa O'Pake, | will be reluctantly con Nis for yon to deny you the privite bureau. ne of my best customers Miss MeCarty.—You may well say so, Faiy, it is eight situations have T been in from here in siven wakes, and it is the fifty cints registhration fee do ye git every toir Miss O'Pake, shure the loikes av her ahud Mr. B.—Quiet; here comes a suck—1 mean a cus- er. y (Eater Me. Tou.) s Mr. Timid. —This is Mr. Bureaukeeper's place JUDGE OF Mr, HB. (swvetly).—Yes, sit, Lam Mr. Marcankeeper, | Was "8 Ve are Wistehayattier cautions? What can to for you,sie? sit cook,ehaits ee Ree SERRE SARE a4, or maid of all work? Our cooks are warranted, | [8 papell : tel. | Mis @P.—Mow much do ye give a month? sir, our chamber-maids are of the highest si Ur. To—Wo give a—a—we give — waitresses unequaled, and Lean fra Jy say that when PAU We carey | Fourteen dollar Miss OP. it comes to maids of all work [con ng for me off the cream-crestel cake. What is it you desire, | .. ; rteen dollars or not sthir a. sthe Mr. T.—-Well ah —that is to say, my wife and my tee t Rhongh T aidn’ mean to gixe Its have ju narried, and we would like—jast ea ut A nneld : Miss O'P.—Mave ye other sarvents? settlel, you know—to hire a girl, a—a—really ok, 3 tell under what head the kind of a girl we Mr. TNO be Miss OP.—Mo sway ary departments will come, for we want her he mos everything al! in that ia just one. There are only two in our famnily believe my wife about as near as [can x Mr. B.—Ob, Lunderstaud perfectly. Tt got just th domestic to it could Mex OP Mr. T. ove Thave a treasure. sir, a jewel of Was in Jay Gould's family for th girl you want left only on ae unt of sick! Would ne i 4 though U it stock m: Mery T tore asi Sika that never weutt | Mas 7-1 have Winaday afthernoons o ue ae ‘ eet anaes Mr. B.—Right. Decidedly so, When Miss Miss McCarty approaches. Hh Grover etna, ral every : Miss O'P. And every Sunday, Miss Mc€.-—How many av ye are ye? hareito:consale her, yon'koow: Mise OP T make me co gaurd to fu Thin whot did ye not bt bracts for menial ye sx her wid yer? Self a Miss Met al wife, ‘0 chiidher ? vices widout + contingher jot phresent Mr. T. (Mushing.)— , Miss Mct,—Where do ¥ ‘ ests ath a agree to the Sundays out Mr. T.—We have our own house, upon my own culpability. Mise OP. — Aw Mr. T. Miss PAV die Botini tould m JL can have the use av the piannay? Thr piano? corse te musie-tacher, that if T failed to practicw twoice Miss Mc Mr. T Miss Mel (horrified), Just beyond th Did y Monswant Mr. T.—Yes a wake I wud lose me delicacy’ av touch, “Mice MeC.—Is it a counthr 1 ian Mr. T.— But—bat Mr. T—N--no, not exactly, It’s twenty dollars a * A with : Miss OT week ld eae TN 8 no piano. Miss McC.-—Thin I must rayfuse yez proposal. ale | 7 paw (Miss O'PAKE simreps earay with an air of insulted though Lam poor, niver will [liveabove Wan Hun and Twinty-tifth strate, unless in a counthry [Ecit Miss McCarty Mr. B.—Disl not I tell you? Fixed in her princi Miss 7P.—An’ do ye suppose that L wud live wid a family that does not own a pianny? Niver! Niver! (Fzit Miss O'Pawe.) Spart a —fet tan T'm sorry, Mr. Bu 4 plano, We've got a—a Jew ford a pi Mr. T. (helplessly) that [haven't but we can't a she would suit you after all aristocracy. Miss O'Pal gance, will you please 10. oblige? (Appear Miss O'Pake.) Miss O'Pake, Mr. Mr. B. (agfably).—Don t mind, Mr. Timid, Come to Mr. — | think twice, P've got just the girl for you. German. Mr. T.—Timid. Here, Miss Sehweitzelberg. Mr. B. anks. Mr. Timid would like a [Enter Miss Scnweritzecrera. Me. Bereackerrer Pease confer with him. converses with Tells her Mr. Tisip's terms.) Miss O'Pake (having recollected the dialogue with Miss McCarty). —TI re only two a Mr. T.—Yea. Mr. B.—She will come, sir. Thave prefer with her myself, as her command of English is different ye. sir? A MAN AS YOU FIND HIM Kut this is what he really was, Mr. T.—She is capable? Mr. B.—We vouch for itt Mr. T Mr, B—She even offerred to cleanse the bureau's windows Mr. T. Mr, B—As the day is long, Mr, T.—And you—you can truly recommend her as a model servant Mr. B.—In all respects. A dollar, sir the Bureau's ( ission. Thanks, sir Call again, Good-day, # eit Mx, Tris ened M C < SCHWEITZELAERG.] Tkey.--Well? Mr. B.—Mow long since Miss Schweitzelbers ot off the island? Ikey, Ten days, and dere vas anudder varrant ouit for her now (ecrraty.] The New Version. THe new version of the “Mary had a lamb" story seems to beabout th white tees Mary's name little 2 The litle 1 incipent pup ram was Mary 1 lamb was rine, make out her relationship to the “Tt followed her but still it linger till Mary did appear.” Atleast so the rhyme In fact the pup ram loafed "round: the street while Mary was « ve to the to school one day Inear * * © says. hal ing old men who tried to caress him; ased three girls up a tree; up ps; chewed the crape off a doc schoolmaster, butted loze unsuspect- La hive of “bell handle ona house of mourning; knocked down the front door-yard fence; plowed up the flower- bed, and swallowed a halfdozen collars left on the grass to bleach, and almost paralyzed the young man who attempted to sce Mary home, by a blow in the place where his skin- tight trousers were getting bald-headed be ‘Tue girls are wearing ear-rings that are little lanterns, ‘They are probably meant to signal the following train, ‘Thus the girl of the period, with her new-fangled adornments, becomes a brakewoman, At least her ear- rings are likely to break men up. comicbooks.com