Judge — October 28, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. BROGANS NO. 9. By one of Mrs. Jartey's War Figures. Taenx lives a girl in Jersey, All dressed in warmest kersey, Her father’s rich from selling honest cod; ‘She wears bright striped stockings, With nice embroidered clocking, And her feet are quite the nicest ever shod. Loved her very madly, And I thought she loved me sadly, "Twas throe miles to her bouse that I must plod. I didn’t mind the stalking Through the dust where I was walking, For my feet were always very thickly shod. One evening near the garden Tasked my darling’s pardon, For my being bat a hopper of the clod; But I tempted her to marriage, To aman without a carriage, To a man whose only vehicle was a hod. _ And then I heard a rustling, Where the watchdogs we: And suddenly my darling sa a bustling; a nod; A thrill went quickly throng! As if the angels knew me— I discovered how her governor was shod. h me, The New Boarding Plan. Miss Gruser’s select boarding-house will reopen October 1. Candidates for admission must possess conversational power, have strong digestive apparatus (in order to stand the high living), and play on one of the fol- lowing instruments: Cornet, bass-viol, har- monium, ‘Text-books: ‘Mrs, Ward's Eti- quette,” omitting chapters on Funerals; “Mrs, Quinn's Handkerchief Flirtations for Beginners,” or an equivalent, s“In_order.that ‘no’ morbid curiosity may ex- “ejat, parties arc requested to hand in a sketch Of their past lives, with any little digressions “or backslidings they may have had, to Miss Gossip, in charge cf this department. She will cheerfully and readily impart any infor- mation she may possess to the sojourners. Well-lighted halls a specialty. Once ad- mitted—and our requirements are severe—the lady or gentleman finds herself or himself in a truly social place, Graduates have taken high positions in society. Nice, highly-cultivated servant: “strumentalists, chosen for their so par exemple. Subjects for conversation: Climatology, (the weather), Jesse James, cats, malaria, No hash. Breakfast from 10/4, a, until 10 P.M. For ladies contemplating matrimony no better place could be offered for the display of those social and other charms whieb have rendered them so attractive in times past. For gentlemen of means, well aloog in life, who have not as yet met their affinities, no better place could be offered. All the com- forts of home, combined with draw-poker, faro, loo, baccarat, etc., on the top floor, by special permission of the excellent prefect of | police, who is a graduate of this institution. In order that none of the gentlemen mi need diversion elsewhere during the long winter evenings, one room is especially fitted up as a saloon, with fresh beer always on | good in- al qualities draught, It is our design to do away with this department as soon as our younger inmates become educated up to the higher ideal of the top tloor. Canary birds cannot be kept, as they draw the mice, To sum up, Miss Gruber’s is the multum in parvo cum dignitate of our city. Hoping for a continuance of past favors, we are cordially yours, ete., consterta. She Didn't Understand Them. “TeLL me,” said the fair Lucinda, the sweetest aml most graceful coquette at a large party the other evening, ‘‘ who is the pale, ministerial-looking man, with sad dark eyes, who sits so quietly there amid the buzz of the crowd that surrounds him, while he | seems in a dream of busy thought ?” “He is the society editor of you know him?” said her brother. “ Goodness gracious, you don't tell me, and Thave been looking for him the whole even ing, for Bessie Bright told me there w a society editor here to-night, and when I asked how I was to tell him, she said, ‘Oh, you will have no trouble to tell him by his shape, although he don’t carry a sign. He will be elegant. in manners, lively, jolly, and do nothing but dance, romp with us girls, and make a world of fun.’ I am so disap- pointed; he looks as if he was just ready to wilt.” When she read the paper the next morning, perusing the magnificent lay-out of choiccly-selected adjectives, which grappled with herculean strength the description of ele- gant toilets, the brilliant display of di monds and jewelry, with the minute and interes 3: don't adage, “ You can't tell much by the looks of a toad how far he can jump.” Tuere is a dispute among some of the architects about the proper color of blind: the old green being tabooed. One party is for a dull red, and another for pale pearl. Both belong to the color blind party. ‘A DAILY paper says that rock-salt is made at the inland springs, and not from sea- water, We always had a notion that salt was rocked in the cradle of the deep. ‘AS soon as the moon gets full it begins to | grow Ican, and it keeps on it reaches its last quarter. in that way uatil A cocoanot is described which, when the milk dries, becomes ashard and black as coal, and will burn. Nobody, cf course, will un- dertake to explain the coke in the milkynut. It does not make much difference which side of a pump a man sits on while milkin, and that is where it has an advantage over the ordinary cow. A supLime drink : The Golden Horn. MeaN time: creditors. Running away from | tobe ing way he gave away her last year’s | silk, it made her shudder and think of the old | ‘Truism for all times : like the mushroom. Reautar sharpers ; Keen blades, There is room ‘Tue first of the “Jersey Blues”: King In- | digo. A worp for the hotel-keeper : He is a host in himself. SI funds : ‘ Naval (See Robeson. ] appropriations, New rendering for an old adage: Half a loaf is better than no sugar. Tae grand tour for Cook's excursionists : To Table Bay. Spirits over proof: Printers’ devils. ‘Tne Lay of the Last Minstrel in the gutter. Sometimes JOURNALISTIC motto (exemplified by two Sew York newspapers): Truth against. The World, (Developments anxiously awaited. Familiar Proverbs. (Utrrised Btition. A WISE man changes his fool ; a fool never changes anything—not even his mind. Be a friend to yourself, and others will be friends to themselves also. CLovpy mornings may turn out very rainy evening Despair hath ruined some, but deposits in New Jersey banks multitudes, SXAMPLES teach more than school-ma’ams, but not so positively withal, Few words sufficeth for the deaf mute. Great wealth and poor relations seldom live together. He is a good orator who persuades the halky mule to go, Lire woukl be too smooth without a bob- tail car. Many talk like philosophers and live at the five-cent restaurant. OTHING is more pre | cept money. ‘ious than time—ex- Ose hour's sleep before midnight is worth more than four hours of sleeplessness after. Prosperity makes friends, and the police judge sometimes tries them. Qvackery has no friend like the purchaser of patent medicines. Srenp and be free, and you will be free to spend so long as your money lasts. UNBIDDEN guests, if troublesome, are most welcomed when they are fired out. Vows made at the temperance meeting are forgotten in the ram shop. Wuo teaches often” ought to pronounce it correctly, You must be content sometimes with rough roads—if you happen to be a commuter on a New Jersey railway, ZOLA without nastiness wouldn’t make the ** Pot-Bouille,” comicbooks.com