Judge — October 21, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Too Tall. DY JEAN PIERRE. Iv is a notorious fact that tall men always | covered with perspiration, fall in love with vice versa. short women, and Why this should be the case is a myste as inscrutable as love itself; that it is so is acknowledged by all. And upon this fact does not hang our tale. In the little town of Shuftleville lived Siby MacClintock, who, at the time of her introdue- tion to the reader, was not over sixteen years autiful and so mature at, even at this early age, she was the center of attraction for a number of gentle- men much older than hersel Among other admirers was Roland Maguire, a young merchant some five years her senior, a remarkably small man, not over tive feet in ofage, She was sol looking t Sibylla was, at this time, just about the | same height. The young man pressed his suit for her hand with such ardency that her father and mother, despite her youth, were fain to their consent to the engagement. It was provided, however, that they were not to be married for three years. ‘Thus far all was as merry as a wedding. But the end was not set. Love scemed to have an etfeet on the ph ical being of Sibylla as well as on her mental, for not many weeks after her engagement she began to grow taller. very one who knew her supposed that he had attained her full growth, but it was an undeniable faet that she had started on an upward course again, aud there scemed to be no telling where she would stop. Ia the month succeeding her engagement she grew two inches. Physic to this remarkable phenomenon, but as she 1 woman they could not. preseribe the only specific which would have kept her down brick in her hat, And still the wonder grew. But Roland was becoming a sad-eyed man, His pe office in the morning some one would call ucross the street—‘‘ Hello, Rolly! how much did she grow last night?" or—T have just received a fine supply of large step-ladders, Rolly ; I hope you will give me your order.” But when, inside of three months, she had | increased in stature five inches, the joke ceased to exist any longer—but the young | 1 did not. Roland began to have nightmares. dreame was bidding his love good night at the gate, and she reached her hand down to grasp his own, and then, when he wished to kiss her, he climbed up on the topmost rail of the gate and stood there striving in vain to reach her rosy lips. ‘Then he dreamed that it was only by the aid of a long ladder that he succeeded in achieving his purpose. The scene changed, and he was walking down the street with her, hanging on her arm by a long sling, while she towered far above him, | ostrich | astonished to see his ten-dollar-a-week j in the theatric: s were called in and consulted as | tion had become a joke among his | friends, and as he would wend his way tothe | He | A crowd of village boys walked with them as | an escort, joking and jecring; and just as her bonpet was being knocked olf by a telegraph wire he awoke, trembling in every limb and Next day he was missin, found thathe had eloped with Serena Muldoon, the smallest marriageable girl in town, Immediately on his disappearance Sibylla ceased growing, having in four short months grown seven and one-half inches. Her sorrow seemed to prey on her mind for some time, but when Theobold Jack, whose height was only four feet six inches, came and proposed she accepted him, | I sce them going down the street every together like a team composed of an nl a partridge, but they seem per- feetly happy. morning Preparing for Salvini. “TLALLo, Snorkins,” said young Highprice, ac. quaintance dining at the restaurant which he (Highprice) was accustomed to patronize. How long is it since you went in for Italian vokery at $1.25 a dinner 7” “Well, it does scem rather extravagant, don't it? F; a friend of mine has promised to take tis, you wa me to see Salvini, and you know » see Salvini! I didn’t know you had any theatrical friends, What's his line “Well, he puts out lithographs and thing in his window; he has a window on Sixth ave.” “Oh, | comprehend. But why on re you plunging into the extravagance of Martinelli dinners ?” ‘As a preparation for Salvini's acting. You see, by eating macaroni and drinking c ianti——" “ Chianti costs a dol a bottle.” “Can't T tell that myself, when Tin just going broke on it. But, after all, what is dollar to art?” + Considerable, as any artist would tell you. But what have macaroni and Chianti to do with art ?” And kins, who had been over-lavish with the extra Chianti, endeavoring to understand the waiter, who persuasively murmured some- thing that sounded like ‘Tray scudi, vento chinque solde.” And the barbarous Neapolitan would not be pacified by poor Snorkins’ last two-dollar- bill cither, but continued reiterating, with harrowing persistence, his “Tray signor. ‘Tray !" And Snorkins came to the conclusion that Salvini was a very high-priced artist. Highprice withdrew, leaving Suor- seudi, A Catuoric clergyman objects to the la- dies of his congregation wearing false hair in church, How he is going to remedy this evil isa puzzle, He might plant a post with cross pieces at the door, and put up a notice requesting all ladies, before entering the sa- | ered edifice, to hang their false hair on the | rack; but it is extremely doubtful if one in a dozen would comply with the order, T would rather worry along without religion. And such an arrangement wouldn't look well, anyhow. A stranger passing by would think a tribe of hostile Indians were quartered in | the chureh, and had hung their pale-face | sealps out to dry, and he would go right home and write a dime novel full of gore and red men, Proressor Proctor says: ‘1 do not insist Jon the sun's being inhabited when cool enough.” We never claimed that he did, | and he must admit that we never insisted that the uninhabited enough. It stands to reason. sun was when hot Tue chief of the Pima Indians has eut his hair short, dresses in American clothe: tends chureh, and This Mr. Indian will bear watching. It may be that he is becom- ing civilized too rapidly, and is training the position of bank cashier, albeit he hins not yet become a Sunday-school superintendent. \ 4 \ “With Salvini’s eats macaroni——" art, everything, Salvini does the peanut vender, when he ean get it.” “ Salvini drinks Chianti— “So would the or; get it.” “And every man I ever saw who could speak Italian, eats the one and drinks the other | ngrinder, if he could “And have you learned avy dinner Italian yet? | ** Have 17" echoed Snorkins. “Well, just hear me air it, Hey there, Corpo di Baccho, bring on the Spaghetti, Diavolo, hey, presto, | change my plate, Schenectady, operite cette | Chianti.” “You'll do,” said Highprice. “Go and see Salvini on your bill-board ticket, and if you ice his vigor failing when he wipes up the e with zo, just you sling him a few nd-a-quarter-oaths, and you'll yb hi; NY SUN "yor old Granny Tilden Sitting in the sun, f-orying and sighing For a nomina-shun. Rive Wipe your eyes veith y Thus sing your admirers, rr appar'l, With an eye upon your bar’l comicbooks.com