Judge — October 21, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BLISS ETE if you wuz an angel an’ had a kite, you hare to pu in’ it on a telegraft pote amy: he has to lean against the On Our Avenues. Very seedy in appar np from recent rain, bloated in face from recent whisky, he was an uninviting object enough as he halted the Reverend Jeremiah Sting a gas: lamp, and craved the price of a night's lodging. “You've been drinking, sir, vine. under said the di- All the more reason I should go to bed, isn't it?” retorted the tramp, logically, and the clergyman found the argument unanswer- able. ‘They were both loath to part—the one with the craved coin, the other with a possible benefactor. The minister cast about him for a text ; he was ordinarily well found inthe whole armor of faith, but on this occasion Scripture did nét scem exactly suitable, He started to tell the bummer to consider the lilies, but the fellow scarcely looked like an asthete, and even if he were, there are no lilies on that part of Seventh avevue, Finally, as ahappy inspiration, he said something about the sparrows and ravens, and the simple but ef- fectual manner in which their wants are sat- isfied. “Oh, that’s played out, that there Serip- ture ornithology,” interrupted the tramp ; ‘tin the fust place there ain't no use in talking to a feller who wasn't born with wings and beak, as if he was fully furnished that way ; and in the next it’s not grub I'm hant'ng, but a roosting-place. The minister resisted the temptation offer- ed by the other's slang phrase of ‘a roost- ing-place " to extend the sparrow sit dropping a few small coins in the mendi hand, hurried away, thanks. And it was well he didn’t. For when a 1 inspection of the gratuity revealed the fact that the few small coins were three copper cents, the torrents of blasphemy that broke from the lips of the w have fi and at's without waiting for farer would zen that” good minister's heart—al- ready suffering from unwonted enlargement— | should not be greater than itis to get married. | ings before eating breakfast. day long a-ftyin’ it, ¢ to school?” (The Snecer be to hurry with horror. And the tramp did not use the good man’s benefaction to procure a bed, but spent it for bueket-lager, and the minister had a text for his sermon next week, and the bummer had a headache next morning. MoraL—* All's well that ends well.” Ir is said that pouring ice-water down the spine will sober a tipsy man, We should think so; but if he sobers up with too much suddenness it would be decidedly unhealthy for the man who does the pouring. A better plan would be to induce the inebriate to pour the ice-water, instead of whisky, down his throat, and this would obviate the ne of pouring it down his spine. A DEALER in fancy goods says that “the fair purchasers have monograms put on jew- cled garters, so that they can be identified in ase they are lost anywhere.” Now, when a young man sees a “ fair purchaser lost, he will know right away what cou who is | to | pursue in order to return her to her distract- ed parents ; but the probabilities are that he won't pursue it, Or does the dealer mean when the monogram garter is lost anywhere? Dr. Hata. says bre in the morning before les t should be eaten ng the house for iption, This | ple hygienic advice ; but in or- | it, how many thousands of young men, who go to see their girls on Sun- day night, would be compelled to remain an hour or two longer on Monday morning, and take breakfast with the young lady's parents! ‘The scheme is not feasible. Young men will continue to leave the house on certain morn- exercise or labor of any de: may be v der to follow It is New York costs more than a funeral. ed that a fashionable wedding in The consequence is there are more funerals than marriages. There should be something done about it right away. ~The inducement to dic CONUNDRUMS. Dors Joe Howard own the Astor Hor Wu. lobby? Smith, of Northport, ever build a yacht ? Joe Jefferson paints his own” por- Was the big price paid that was demanded for Mentor? Witt Seethamer ever cut off bis Abrabamic chin- whisker? Dip Don Cameron go to Philadelphia to have his tooth filled ? Does George C. Gorham own Mahone, or does Ma- hone own Arthur? Witt Shed Shook ever recommend a man to any ticular hair dye? Wny does Jones, of Nevada, pick out the two aces and throw away a five? Does th cloth of appleja apec ke 5 departinent of the Custom- Dors William Walter Phelps thi will scare a wikl Jerseyman ? k that a red necktie Dors the darkey conductor on the Madison Avenue line know enough not to sive didactics? Wit Jim et ever move to town and escape from Clarkson Crolins, of the Post-office ? Wuy does Dan Voorhees stoop down to cut a fish- pole, when he might tie a line to bis head? Wav does Henry Watterson write rose’ tamblebugs, when he mlz ter about t write about roses? tor Frye, of Maine, the winner of the recent jon there, and is Blaine wrong in claiming it? Witt Charley Foster, “of Ohio, ever confess that a last year's plow is no better than this year's brewing? Does William F. Mills, the pianist, find that bis hav- ing the same name as his brother docs bim any harm ? Witt. George P. Andrew, the fishy, cold-blooded, ever cease to be successful in the office of Corporation Counsel Witt Marat Halstead, who loves claret and ic cease to enjoy that clod-hopping bumbug, fi B. Hayes ? ever Dors David Croly play any better a gome of billiants at the Press Club) because he wears a horse-shoe mustache? Is the beer at New Rochelle any better for being drunk in dignitled silence by the swells who turn up their noses at it? Dors Blaine smoke so much that the Malligan letters occasionally give him malaria while be is bunting in the raral districts? Does the policeman at the corner of Fourteenth street and Broadway know whether ruches or ings are to be worn this season? Wuy can Harrison, of Indiana, call himself a big little man, when he knows that he is not half as little as big Wheeler, the Lone Fisherman ? ly taking two seata, he is really other person ? y picks his teeth every morni succeed in getting a second breakfast ? Dors the man who slams down a car window when a boy has it up, feel as brave as the man who would like atly to slide down the window that a big man has up ? Dors the Sun use the adjective fraudulent in regard to ex-Vice-President Wheeler simply because he took office under the same cloud that pronounced Hayes a frand? Wu does Fritsch, the tenor singer, who is one of the | best and most practical fellows in the world, shut his | eyes when he sin; It is wrong to do so. You must not forget yourself in dreamland any more than yo should go in bathing with a hoop-skirt on, for people are lookin; comicbooks.com