Judge — September 30, 1882 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A REAL WONDER V rvs. bit astounded that Or dumb, at leaat, or de LU have not had paralysis nor any such lise And bronchitis hasn't not de or blind, or pr HL cold aturely old en me a melancholy where and my hair Ithy, ave no mortal And I feel no twi rains hot turned white; nd T never dream at ni mies, no colic, and a of rheumatim in worst of autuinn My memory is excellent, my fl My appetite is worthy of a Zala My cheeks are red and chubby b © fall ty And why fam not raving mad f Thaven’t even toothache, or n Though Tse ste Ronte case the Star CONUNDRUMS. Op Thurber must take Alvord’s place as Old Salt. But is he an individual salt mere- ly because he is a salt-seller? Do they call them gr: because they are in clover? s-widows simply Flirting may be small potatoes, but do you not think that after all there is usefulness even in a small potato-masher? Is there anything more appealing than an Trishman’s cough? By the way, as the winter approaches, and you are examining heavy goods while your teeth chatter, are you not feeling a little chin chilly? Why is aiming at an archery target like a certain kind of rail , if it is an arrow- gauge? And then if it has too many “pits "» is it not likely to be all archery pi? Would John L. Sullivan have been a better Massulman in the Sultan’s place? What does the one he thinks of the artific | of course, he sings, me. Remen, mar yi, the violinist, is quite a literary He must he the author of the novel, he Fiddle and the Beau. Why do Jews hang their bed-clothes out of the window? When Ben Butler, in his als, did he see any green seal? nt, went for I : ya light cater because he is a ‘tronomer Should conductors be courageous simply because only the brave deserve the fare? Is the grocer who gives short measure | engaged in peckulation? Why should you never pious drink of herbs ? never blacken tans slander a deacon’s Because you should is the best Roederer. drink after a. long Why should Roscoe Conkling bave been called Sweet William simply because he's a kind of pink ? And, by the way, is it the pink of pro- | priety to wear a red nose? And, by the way, again, can ex-Senator ‘Thurman, who takes snuff, and uses a big bandana handkerchief, be said to belong to the blue noses ? And, again, can a Jew with the biga style of nose be said to have the nobl Roman of them all? And, looking at THE JupGe’s Jew cartoon, don’t the nose seem to have it, or are they | like the she-goats, sort of ewe-nanny-mous? Do nightmares always rub the nap the | wrong way? | Now that Tug Wilson is safe in England, | don’t you wish that he had taken along all | those other little English sparrers ? f Why, | bolsters. *Theh you'll remember | The Jews display a great liking for red Why is this? can’t tell a bolster from a lobster? be because they have them on tick. Is it because thes Ttcannot Is it true that Thomas C.F clear head by not wearing a wig ? The how he ma that he is a tt keeps a ‘y of the Interior will not tell his money, prtunes notwithstanding Why does the lark rise so high in a twink- ling? Because it goes on the lark’s spur of the moment. When a man is scolding his innocent night- key, isn't he in danger of the lock-jaw ? Bob Inge own future. peep throu oll says that no man can see his No, Robert, unless he could the crack of doom. Georgia bas a lot of mountain people who cat dirt. Can they have any relationship to the Laplanders? ‘Those cats we hear at night, are they com- mieuxning. Prior to a recent religious service at Ocean Grove, a certain devout minister, having sud- denly missed his Book of Psalms, excitedly slapped his hand on a rear pocket of his coat, exclaiming: gone!" Where- upon one of the model leading members of his praying-band, mistaking the cause of the minister's perturbation, quietly produced a Ii flask containing brandy, and whispered: “Never mind, brother, here's mine for you.” “Tis gone! So many seaside hotels have burned this season that many millions of bed-bugs carried away from New York have not returned. ‘These bedouins are no longer free lances. SOPHOCLES says that Heaven never helps the men who cannot act. A good many New York stage-players will never get any help from Heaven. comicbooks.com