Judge — September 16, 1882 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

beating a traveling OUR POPULAR FARCES. OUR DIVORCE SUITS. REPORTED BY Cnaractrrs Mr. Scscertimtr, Referee in the great divorce case of Boojum rs. Boojam. Jenor Carries. ESR—Supreme Court Chambers ED.” By your gracious sanction, I was appointed n the celebrated case of Boojum rs. Boojam, I have endeavored, as faithfally as possible, to enter into the merits of the cas First I took the testimony of Mr. Boojam. Mr. Boojum 4s a broker, possesses a comfortable income; aged about sixty, hald-headed and irritable. It is be who Is suing for the divorce. He alleges that since tt Boojam has rendered his two days married him for was being aware of th in 1880, Mrs. y; that only told him that and plaintiff not significance of the slang-term and Inquiring for information, was requested by her to “go grow ‘on the top of his head and fi she subjected him to all sorta of indignities before the public parlors she would make him go down upon his k and play horse, or bark like a dog. Also, that she took a vicious pleasure in making believe that he w and she his tamer. him furiously. Her temper, he states, w: that often in crowded lion On such occasions she would whip angovernable. When re- fused a pair of diamond ear-rings, valued at twenty | thousand dollars, she caught eight plates and broke | them over defendant's head, and farther threatened to wipe up the floor with bim.” Under pretense of pleasantry, she was all of the while deliberately annoying plaintiff. down the back of his neck, surreptitiously place the mashed potatoes on his chair just where he would sit in them, drop oy oup upon the bosom of his clean shirt, place spiders in his bed, empty bis hair-oll bottle and refill it with glue, and by a fartive changing of bottles, several times did he unwittingly swallow patent blacking Instead of coagh medicin He avers that the defendant w cants; that while under the inflaence of liquor she would do the wildest things, and when remonstrated with by the plaintiff, her usual reply would be that she fall as a goat and glad of it, and that he was not to get loaded. She would pour gravy partial to intoxi- Her condact with gentlemen was, to eay the least, extremely improper, On more than one occasion she told the plaintiff that she cared more for “the filling in one of Waxy Jim's back teeth than she did for his whole body.” Said Waxy Jim was a former lover of hers, and keeps a bateber-stand in Center Market, He was in the custom of escorting her everywhere, her husband's company being declined on the plea that | acquaintanceship, e did ni ant to be seen walking out with a “shaky oh Death’s-head.” With this “Waxy Jim” did she go to Rockaway h, Coney Island, Fort Lee, Talmage’s Tabe «l other places of popular resort, not to speak of moonlight picnics. Upon one of these latter- the An- nual Moonlight Harvest Home of the Square Chin Co- t she did not arrive home until four o'clock a.™. When remonstrated with, her reply was that the plainti? had er dey up, or “Waxy Jim” wo come out of the carriage and slag him in t © top- lig! She algo went to ‘places of amusement with named Buckra, who is a notorious gambl openly boasted to plaintiff tha man and she she was dead gone on Once she went to Philadelphi with Backra, and on her retarn to was and stayed three days 1 plaintiff that th this kicking up a muss, he ought to get used to little things like that, His testimony was supported by the affidavits of half a dozen w Judge.—Hum | What was her defen Mr. &.—She charges that she married Mr. Boojam becanse he made her; that she was but a poor working girl, and that he followed her and persecuted her with his attentions until, ont of desperation, she married him, She avers that be { gusting in his personal habits; that eight cents a week for spending m beat and ill-nsed her, upon one occasion actually using bratal violence to her with a pie; that he never took a bath, always slept with his boots on, and proudly boasted that he had not cleaned his teeth for six years. 11 of his allegations she denies. She swears that she never drank anything stronger than hop bitters, nor did she ever use violence towanl her husband, nor call him unseemly epithets. As for go Waxy Jim, be, she says, is a per- foct gentleman and her fifth cousin. She owns to ac- compansing him to a meeting of the Salvation Army and to the Morgue to identify a corpse, but that was all In regard to Mr. Backra, she did go to Philad with him to belp pick out a monument for his deceased grandmother. But on the trip she was constantly under the super- vision of Mr. Backra’s aunt, who is a bighly-respect- able lady of ninet . stone blind and deaf, and in every way a suitable chaperone, that upon all oceasions and through all provocation she hag been a faithfal and bat that if Mr. Boojum desires a divorce Will not object, provided he makes a due allowance for her support. and perfectly dis- Howed her only ney; frequently Judge. Mr. S, Juclge.—Blonde or branette? Mr. S—A ravishing blonde. willing to decide in her favor. Judge. —Wellt Oh, she's a pet. Tm Besides, judge— Mr. S.—Waxy Jim is a noted politician, Carries his wanlevery time, It would be a favor to him. ‘ sJudge.—All right. Vl grant a limited divorce on the ground of—-let’s see—arson, and direct Mr. Boojum to pay her—w ’ Mr. S.—Three thousand a year. Judge.—Then I direct that he allow thirty-five hun- dred per annum for her support. {everats.] at is his incom Now Cometh the Time. Yes, now cometh the baggage-smashers’ holiday. All summer long, while others have been going and coming, here, there, and ever. where, for sport and recreation, he has been obliged tu stick right to business, with no hopes of a vacation even in his mind's eye. But now the pleasure-seekers are returnin The oniy amusement he has had during all these sultry summer days has been to mi rect nervous travelers or change checks on trunks, Of course he has smashed a great many of them, and sassed the owners thereof if they dared to say a word against his style of doing business. But now, when trunks, velocipedes, and baby carriages are returning by the car load, he is in his glory, Now comes his season of recreation and delight; now hecan get “hunk” ‘on those fellows who have been having a bet- ter time than he has. He no longer pants and sighs for a vaca- tion, for amid the rush and flood of personal property, he seizes the biggest trunk within reach and hurls it from his car to the platform, and laughs hee, hee, as he sees the wreck dis- tribute itself about. There may be tears shed or curses hurled, but they only add to his amusement and en courage him to see how much better he can do at the next stopping-place. As for velocipedes and baby carriages, it is worth a whole week's vacation to him to tum- ble them out of the car upon the platform and hear the bones break. “What der yer soy?” he cries, as he hu a Saratoga from the car door. ‘Oh, I arn't goin’ ter have any fun this season, hey? May- be you chaps is goin’ ter have it all, Well, f should snicker!” and the ring of his gleesome laughter is heard above the s' of the locomotive and the objurgations of his victims, AccoRDING to the rules of relationship, a kid and oleomargarine are brothers. They both, in time, take the place ofthe old butter. Castoria, Itis a fact there Is no “maybe,” Mother's milk can't save the bab While Castoria digests thelr food, Cures all their pains and makes them good, Castoria hail! from Rast to West, Por children thrive and mothers rest. —_—_—— WILLIAM DEAR, tind, don’t you forget to go Into Gal ame of that elegant, delict pextra fret opening some occastonalls does abd happy. If you are only going Sixth avenue, then y parger, sist st; and protably Jackso get it. TLES PERMANENTLY weeks, without knife, ligatal tar Containing reerencets “Die HOYT, 36 W LOOO RENARD Or» perme, ite Rea Geax $1,000 Mens tora [eto ara premiam ‘at At ara: aso The Woruts Fair and’ wan pronoanced the bet In the'moni tor penavacy,etreneth, tnd delicacy of odor. Tt is made of Ottar of hone and Preach Flowers comicbooks.com