Judge — September 2, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. A few ther nuisances which the Boaril of Health onght to take notice of, if they are going to squelch the parrot. he pra Taken from Life. Or course she has long, wavy hair—no matter about the color—eyes t look softly, but surely, way down into your boots, teeth like pearl, and a heavenly complexion. She walks like a duchess, talks like a lobbyist, and sings like a brace of nightingales. She has feet like a fairy’s, and her hands would delight an eighteencarat diamond broker, Her costumes are the prettiest that human | hands can make, and her general appearance would break the heart of the most hardened “masher.” In fact, she’s a daisy, and the heart ofan ox is small by comparison with her great, big heart, God bless her! ‘* Yes, Jackey, ten minutes after I had been introduced to her, and while her arms were entwined about my neck, “I can love My heart shall beat only for you. > mine, and Iam your own aid she, winke) nd of her travels in ‘*Yur-rup,” in the Alps, and by the Red Sea. She spoke famil- arly ef his Excellency, the President, “dear old Chet,” and when the name of the distinguished proprictor of the Herald was mentioned, she interrupt ed with, “Yes, Jim- ways had a soft spot in his heart for me.” She nestled on a four-ply ‘Turkish rug at my feet, and told me of statesmen, schol- ars, poets, and soldiers of great renown, who had besieged her heart, and then, in tones that caused the blood in my veins to swiftly fly over the course, she told me once again that she couldlove only me, With her loving words ringing musically in. my ears, I tore myself from her grasp and fled. A period of twenty-four hours elapsed, and my uniformed sergeant-at-arms admitted me, and Twas told that she sat in therear parlor await- ing my coming. Softly I stole (stole is good, very good, by the way) through the marble hallway to the entrance of the parlor. I heard loving voice saying: “Yes, Georgey, Tean love only you. My heart shall beat only for you. Putting it mildy, you are my own duck, k, and I am your own pinkey, winkey.” Merciful Heavens, could thisbetrue? I paused foramoment, andenter- ed the parlor just as she imprinted a kiss upon Georgey’s massive brow. She arose with the grace of a duchess. She was perfectly easy her » du | and I am your own pinkey, wink he told me of her ma and | in mind, ard with charming simplicity said: “Mr. Danks, permit me to introduce Mr. Hanks—Danks, Hanks—Hanks, 3.” ‘Then she laughed as merrily as a village maiden in the play. Hanks and myself were thus forced into a conversation, in which she heartily joined, Whenever visions of pistols and coffee for two appeared to our minds they disappeared as she chatted of her most recent visit to Rockaway Beach, Just as I was beginning to feel kindly towards Hanks, the door-bell disturbed the peace and harmony of the basement hall- way, ‘The uniformed sergeant-atarms ap- peared at the entrance to the parlor, and saying “Dickey is here,” smilingly retired. She speeded from the parlor like a young gazelle, and soon Hanks and myself over- heard her say, ‘Yes, Dickey, 1 can love only you. My heart shall beat only for you. Without mincing word: pu are my ownest own, and [am your own pinkey, winkey. Presently she appeared in the doorway of the parlor with a young man whose topmost height was on a level with her shoulder. Gayly she said,” Mr. Danks, Mr. Yanks; Mr. Hanks, Mr. Yanks— , Danks—Yanks, Hanks." Then Yanks on the sofa, and surveyed Hanks and myself. She still as merry asa village maiden in the play, and hed and chatted with Yanks. Hanks and myself felt that we were old friends. We were beginning to think that we were banded together for our own mutual good and happiness, when a man with heavy red side-whiskers, who must have climbed over the back fence, showed himself at the parlor door, ‘Esmeralda, one moment,” aid he, and she lightly tripped out of the arlor, and stood with him on the vine-clad iazza. All was still fora moment. Yanks, nd myself were satisfied that in the -whiskered man we had encountered a common enemy, and were considering plans for his removal, when we heard her gently saying to him, ‘ Yes, Patsey, [ can love only you. My heart tiall beat only for you. Get- ting iv dwn fine, you are the idol of my heart, a w “Great God !” groaned Hanks, Yanks, and myself. ‘‘ Why, what's the matter, gentle- men?” said Esmeralda, in a winsome vo as she dashed into the room. speechless, but we arose and stood like signs for cigar store Danks, "Mr. Mr. Yanks, as she said: ‘* M panks; Mr. Hanks, Mr. Lanks; Mr, Lanks; Lanks, Danks— Lank: But patience had ceased to be avirtue. Hanks, Danks and myselfsat upon Lanks without further ceremony. Esmeralda wrung her hands, and shrieked, ‘You have killed the only man I ever loved.” and solemnly bowed our heads, Lanks ws motionless. Notsothe maiden, Shriek upon shrick rent the air. The club of the police officer on the beat was heard, and Esmeralda hastened to the area-way. As Hanks, Danks, and myself were about to seale the garden- wall, we heard the loving voice of Esmeralda thus addressing the officer: “Yes, Sykesy, I can love only you, My heart shall beat only | for you, In other words, you're a bully boy | with eye, and I'm your pinkey, We arose haa Wues a rural gentleman goes away from home on a visit to some Western town Colorado—he alw yin sends a few copies of the paper published in thé town he is visiting to the editor of his local journal. pers generally coluinn of lo These pa- have a patent outside, news, two columns of clip- pings two weeks old, and the remainder is made up of patent medicine and other adver- tisements; and when the recipient tea wrapper off, then he exclaiins, with a big, big D, ‘What does the dashed idiot think we want with these imbecile sheets! They are about as interesting as a two-year-old al- manac.” Then he writes a paragraph like this: ‘*We are indebted to Mr. Blank, of this place, who is visiting the far West, for several copies of the Bungville ( which we find very interesting. our thanks for his favors pl.) Mr. Tue Young Men's Christian Association of Leadville held a “ Book Reception ” recently, in order to replenish their library. ‘The re- sult was quite satisfactory in the number of books presented, but not quite so much so in quality. Each person attending the reception brought a book, and an account of stock next morning showed fifteen copies of the “ Life of Jesse James," nine thrilling stories about In- dian scalpers, seven volumes of pirate tales, and two bound volumes of the Police News. There h en a marked increase in the at- tendance of young men since these books have been added to the library, AN old lady, who always kept a black cat in thehouse, because it “brought good luck,” died the other day in the county alms-hous and a neighbor, who placed a horse-shoe over the door for the same purpose, had her skull fractured by the utensil falling upon her head. It's an open ficld now between the Chris tian poor and the second-hand-clothes dealer as to which gets the cast-off garments. “Wuo is old Tom Gin?” asked a little tot the other day of her pa, ‘‘Well,” replied the old gentleman, “he's a mighty strong fellow; he’s tloored your pa lots of times, ” comicbooks.com