Judge — August 5, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. r man could hi eminently usually come after some. | been selected. Suc the case.” PAR iE : “Sir,” I replied, “you are mistaken, I 7 na “ do not represent a gang of political strikers. to sell you something of great value, for argent comptant, to use the idiom of ta belle France, because Tam so hun- gry that I don't know where I shall sleep to- YYAR uN EGET at STR THe PRICE ON Ate OUR GOODS {i “© State the case,” sxid the statesman, reach- | HAS BEEN ah! ing for his check-book. | (ADVANCED rhe this, you real, but defrauded, xcellency,” said I, crossing my legs in an fable manner: “I am one of 40,000,000 of citizens of this broad and free Republic, and as such, Lown in fee, free of all incumbrances, | one undivided forty-millionth part of the im- { | proved and unimproved property of thisco- | i | lossal Empire, including the New York Post- | office, the White 1 set of Hayes china, | and Robeson’s floating junk samples, the total j 5 value of which is away up in the billions;— i { | an immense sum, yet nothing to a capitalist | | like yourself, What I want to sell is this, | } : my undivided interest, together with the en- 7 tire usufruct therefrom. : “Roughly calculated, this shareissomething | ‘ i : War in Eaypt Hare you frien yee? oa foe boek UGE Rimonsiits . over three hundred dollar: , but since there may | Bi tea Wie eteles Meek Gone wit 20 ae L heel nultiy for UneaKyane One Sele pally be some little delay in making out the papers, rt = 7 darieg which time you lose interest on the in- When You're Short, Sell Something. to fleet the time passably. There is no use | vestment, suppose we say $100, You won't —— trying to fight the battle of life without such | miss this trifle at all, and it. may become the BY JoHy BLACK HRIDGE | reserves as these. In default of these com: | fa large fortune to me, Nor would | modities there is a style of steel engravings tly add to your cares, while it would i | and the neglect of it is alle done in black and green ink on pieces of pa- | relieve me from a rushing weight of anxiety. } the ruin of whole families, Its author was | Per 7 12 inches loug, 3 116 inches wide, of | You can't imagine the fear under which 1 } i the late lamented and improperly buried A, | 20 great thickness, and possessing the long | labor that somebody will run away with my | in Diiciog. thie late ar ght “ Fourth Dimension”—namely, that of | share of the New York Post-oflice. Actually, | life he was accustomed to say to his guide, | Bei equal to any emergeney—whieh are ne- | your Exeelleney, I sleep every night on the | philosopher and friend, over a bottle of South: | £otiable at all times, even in those seasons | City Hall Park benches, with one eye open | j side Madeira, “Hilton, no man need suffer | “Ben other examples of the Fine Arts go beg- | and bent on the Postoflice. Nobody has as | the pangs of hunger or of acute poverty as | S'8- They are eq ally exch able for | yet made away with it, but we must not be long. as he has government bonds to sell, | TW and gum, for gin and ginger; they will | lulled into a false security by a temporary in- bring you a smile from Vernona J—, or a | sermon from Rev, John Hall; a put and call | from Russell Sage, or a copy of THE Jur In fact such is the popular taste for this style | title and interest in and to my birthri of the Fine Arts that this entire city between | aforesaid, why make it , or even at first sight seems to {ail to harmonize with | SPuyten Duyvil and the Battery goes about | do not mind. ‘There's nothing mean about all day hunting for specimens. n { the advice of the great unsepultured, It was : . | ) this: “Never sell what you haven't got. he other day I put my hands in my | ‘The great mau r j \ fet But if you think a | Why should even the humblest want? Let al of delus iy xchange for a him take his bonds down to Vermily nd never mind the quarter per cent. commission.” Cornelius Vanderbilt, commodore, on the other hand, had a favorite rule of life, which dollars is too much in | properly executed conveyance of all my right, nd rang a bell, He But between them both, and proceeding from | Pockets to find some coin, and wholly failed | did not say, “I'll sce you later.” Two pow both of them, is a luminous and profound wis. |i ™Y search. There was a corkscrew, and | crfully-built models of Sullivan and Tug Wil dom, namely: “Catch your tlea before you | * Piece of string, and an unpaid tailor’s bill, | son, whom it would be base flattery to desig- Tiare ot, | Ut NO money. Then I bethought me of the | nate as “minions,” entered the apartment skin him nnot be too strongly urged | 4 upon an inattentive world, which is much too | wise maxim of the r at Stewart, and deter- | and ranged themselves one on each side of \3 apt to skin fleas before they are caught, and | Mined to sell something. B., but no bloodshed,” sighed | 4 thus hang up pelts to dry of quite inferior | Now, when you want to sell something, ing back into a fautenit, a quality. you must first find a buyer, My thoughts ss of Amontillado, Re- iq If I had owned a warehouse full of sheet- | naturally tended to our distinguished fellow. | sistance was useless, and I found myself in 5 ings, velvets, and other dry goods the other | citizen, Sir Jamuel ‘T. Silden, who, I have | a0 instant on the sidewalk, Jarred but un | 4 day when I washard pressed by my laundress, | been informed, is always ready to buy and | Wounded, gazing at the iron railings of | 4 and was wearing at 6 p.m. of a hot day a | pay for anything that is really solid. Gramercy Park, nerveless and peanile iM | shirt which I had put on that morning, be-| I found the great man at home supping an | Clearly there was a hitch in the Stewart : | cause the said laundress had a lien on the rest | €leven o'clock glass of Amontillado sherry. | programme. The maxim may have been of my linen, in that case I should not have ‘o what am I indebted for the honor ofthis | good, but it had somehow failed to be appli- met with the experiences with which I now | Visit?” said my distinguished host, as he | cable to circumstances. 1 concluded to con- | acquaint the reader. waved me to a cbair; “before you go, please | sult the venerable Professor of Applied Math | One really should al have a dozen | briefly state the object of your call. You | ematics at Keno College on the subject. | cases of muslinto sell, ora hundred rolls ofear- | Tepresent, of course, a wealthy constituency This distinguished savant listened atten- | pet, or a thovsand share Western Union, | in your ‘dee-strick’, but are yourself impe | lively to my statement of the case, and then | or some such pleasing trifles, if one wants | cunious; the cause needs funds, and you have | said: comicbooks.com