Judge — August 5, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE RAFFLE AT M'CORMACK’S. Tux moon was brightly shining in an azure-colored sky, And nine was gayly ringing from all the city clocks, | As a group of lords and gentle dames was swiftly draw- ing nigh Tue castle of Jim McCormack, which nestled snug | among the rocks. | Handsome Widow Brady walked by Tim McGuttin's | side, And Swaney fondly bugged his Stradivarius violin, And fair Johanna Keenan sang “The Insh Baror Bride,” Till they reached MeCormack’s castlo and were warmnly welcomed in. “Me friends and fellow-countrymen"—'twas Jim Me- Cormack spoke— Yure smilin’ faces I am glad to see around me now.” + We know it, Jim; bring on the dice, Mike O'Roke, be the goats on Harlim Flats, I'm goin’ to win the co said red-hair'd | | re goin’ to win the devil,” quoth a bearded son of toll, Who sat up in a corner like a stoic stern and grim; And in a few more seconds, bat for nimble Andy Doyle, O'Roke upon the stoic’s neck would have cut a pigeou wing. The dice were brought, the play began—Pat Flyon threw thirty-three; Tim McGuffin (Handsome Tim!) followed that with thirty-four. 10 grabbed the dice-box then, a8 collected as could be, And surprised Loth factions and berselt by throw half a score, Miss Keel For an bour the fvories rattled, but McGuilin led the van! Till auburn- thro He was followed by the boss rag-picker's daughter, Marie Ann, Whose blushes shamed, in very truth, her bright carnation bows. air'd O'Roke scored forty on three | Then grim and stern the stole c: and grand He looked upon the anburn-hair'd, which nearly caused a row mly threw fifteen, then three, then thirty fol- lowed, and— “Forty-eight, be jabers, and McGinnis takes the cow!” , with lordly air A bowl rose from the faction led by red-haired Mike O'Roke, Which was quickly drowned by diplomatic Swaney’s violin, The stoic proudly led the dance with Bridget Outofcoke, While he of the auburn ringlets led the gushing Dolly Quinn. ‘They danced for twenty minates to the tune of Money Musk "— They might have danced till morning, but the red- hair'd’s Irish rose, And in less than twenty seconds there was just as pret- ty a fass, For the stoic, inadvertently, had trod on Dolly's toes. Like Phil Kearney’s charge at Chantilly, or * Kil's” at Brandy Station— Like a raging flood through the fissures of a brok Holland dan— Like Marion's brilliant charges when he fought to free anation— The stoic, single-handed, charged upon the red- hair'd’s gang. How gracefully he waltzed into the affections of Me- Carty! How quickly be planed the red-hair'd’s nose on aleve! with his face! With what masterly precision he put to flight the party, Let the pen of some historian on the page of history trace. Jom & W'cANN. THE JUDGE. THE ADVERTISING ulius, how'll yer swap yer cat for my General Grant 2" AN interesting article going the rounds of | the press is entitled ‘‘ How Greenbacks are Made.” They are made in various ways. We have noticed that a man may make $20,000 worth of them in a year by working less than one day in a week, while another man who works ten hours a day the year round doesn't make over $706. ERY time a tramp washes himself he ‘oses ground.” He loses ground about twice a year, “<Tuene’s luck in odd numbers,” perhaps ; but Julia's young man would rather run the risk than to have her mother keep them com- pany in the parlor as long as he remains. Some one says: ‘‘No woman ever dresses low from a high motive.” And we don't suppose a woman ever dresses high from a low motive. A ScHOoL-BoY wants to know if Tommy Hawk isa chief of the Crow Ind Toma- hawk, my son, occupies a prominent position in all Indian tribes. A Man in New Jersey hanged himself in the woods with his suspenders. It two | months before he was discovered, and then he was not only dead, but, worse still, his suspenders were ruined. Because the remains of a whale have been found in an Eastern town, it is argued that the State was once the bed of the ocean. A more plausible theory is that whales used to come out on dry land there to bury their | dead. Wuat is Nihilism? Nothing, when you are | used to it, | A Newsparer office in New York mobbed last week, and the editor nearly beat- en to death, ‘The paper, issued the day fore, contained an alleged humorous article, written in the Josh Billings style of spelling. ‘There is no sympathy expressed for the edi- tor. was A cynic says that while baby carriages are becoming more expensive every day, babies themselves are taking on a cheaper look, and many of them will never be worth as much as the coaches in which they are pushed about. When the peach crop is large, the fruit don’t bring half as much per bushel as when the yield is light; and cynic says it is the same way with babies. To ladies who paint (themselves): It is bet- ter to be plain than to be colored. ‘Te fortune of war: Prize money. A MECHANICAL organ: A glass eye. Grounp game: Lawn tenni: THE worst use that workingmen’s club: be put to: To strike. Jott occupation: Carving at the table, Tue only side a sensible man now take: The sea-side. New name for the toothache: Grinderpest. ‘A sure sign of melting weather: The num- ber of dips at the sea-side. THe gas companies do not appear to be at all put out on account of the electric light en- terprise. comicbooks.com