Judge — July 29, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

rible state, having received a liberal “slug. ging” and rolling in the dus ‘They at once dragged him into the pre ence of Scraphina, who, meanwhile, had recovered from her swoon and was smelling from a scent-bottle. “Here's the rufflan!” roared old Spilkins, triumphantly, “here's the ruflian that fright- ened you!” “Why, papa,” said she, “you are mi taken, I never saw that man before in m life. Besides it was no man that frightened me.” “No man!” roared her parent; “who— what then?” “Tt was a—a mouse!” gasped the girl, “a horrid, nasty mouse "—adding, with a shriek, asa small black rodent scuttled across the floor, “oh! there's the nasty thing a) And she made a desperate effort to. mount a bureau. As for old Spilkins, when he realized that all the fuss was made on mouse not as long as your account of a little finger, he took on awful. He stormed, and swore, ca human cyclone, frightening Serap! young man so when he called that the g youth fled, and never ceased running f blocks. ‘They tried to “square” victim of their mi take no compromise. and raged around na’s. armed matters with the ake, but the latter would He departed, vowing vengeance and a suit for damages, and that evening had father and son a sault and battery. They were fined $50 and costs, and bound over to keep t ; and they are also threatened with a suit by the enraged workman. Both of them are confined to their beds now, more or less used up, and the fragrant rnica and § ‘ob’s oil mingle with the perfume of the lilacs in their bers. rrested for as- yeace for 4 odors 0! Vacation Season. this is not only vacation season for school children, but about this time business and professional men begin to drop out of the ranks of toil for one or two weeks’ va- cation, A great many people know how to put in the time, but many do not. Of course a sit to the country is generally indulged in but to those who wish to do so, and yet have no particular place to go or acquaintances to visit, a few words of advice might not be aimiss at this time. If you go to the country, of course you want to cut something of a swell, and as- tonish the greenhorns as much as possible, al- though you may not have more than a few dollars to do it with, good sense But of course your own ill keep you from posturing asa millionaire at a farm-house or a country hotel. Go in as. a man would who was worth only a hundred thousand, Use any well known name you like, if your modesty convinces you that your own will not make the countrymen stare sufficiently, and ick cham. | marks about country life. ‘This will convinee them of your importance at once, and the may set another hen to laying for your especial benefit. Tlint about just having come from some celebrated watering place, either in- this country or Europe. ‘This will draw out the countrymen to ask you some questions regard: ing these place: nd give you a chance to get in some of your best Annanias filigree which will astonish them still more. admiring country girls, why, you can easily make a hero of yourself by telling of some well known shipwreck or rail- road accident in which you played a con- spicuous part, and rescued several lives. If you have an old scar about your person, it might work in handy, for you could cap the climax of your adventure by asking: ‘See that sear? Of course you can account for your being in this humble out-of-the-way place by saying that you are tired of Long Branch, Newport, toga, ete., and so thought you would gi away for a fow days’ rest, and if you are sure there are pretty girls in the place, and feel like doing some actual crushing of hearts, just hint that you are getting tired of so much fash- ionable life and dissipation, and feel half in- clined to marry and settle down, You will want to go fishing naturally, but whether you ny luck or not, it will ‘ive you a chance to put in a few stories of salmon fishing in the Columbia or some other yom just gire me living wages? river, in company with three or four distin- | guished individuals, or of your trout fishing adventures in Moosehead Lake. In f your imagination will supply all the mater for making a great man of yourself. ‘They will never know the difference, unless you lay it on too strong or give yourself away. Follow these instructions in a general way, and ere your vacation is up you will be well known in the neighborhood, and perhaps have a love affair or two on your hands before you are obliged to return to prosaic wor again. Va the conditions of life, and whenever you get one, it is but right that you make the most of it. But always go where you are not known f you wish to make the most of your little re- spite. slay life tion means a change of life, or paiexror, Iv is a curious fact that women envious of men. “My darling husband,” said an appreciative wife to the hero of her choice, ‘how I so wish I were you.” This seemed nothing more than natural, and the “darling husband,” for most assuredly he wag, in his own judgment, a man to be envied by almost any one; still he said, “And why do you wish you were I, my pet?” ‘Then, with a silver cloquence, or in those days a greenback eloquence then I would order my little wife such a love of a bonnet for the summer.” And that is the kind of trick which is being played on men every day in the year. There is something very solemn about matrimony. are always he replied, “ Because then commence to be sarcastic in your re-