Judge — July 1, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mia settles it, I's the last girt I'l take to a piente.” ence to business principles and a talent for working over odoriferous butter. The Rey. Bagg had just concluded a long | and elaborate grace, in which he repeatedly | began a sentence with—“ We thank Thee, O | Lord, that Thou,” and then had to fumble about in his brain for the particular thing he was so fervently thankful fo! pany had begun so discuss the question of the new organ, and how to gouge the moncy to pay for it, when the door burst open anda flashy-looking man, dressed in a howling plaid suit, and wearing a supernaturally black mustache, rushed into the room, shout- ing, ‘It’s all right, Struthers; that point you Lon Brighton Beach was straight. Ohio Boy first, Maggie C. gets a place, and your | combination wins a hundred and sixty, ‘The boys all said you were givin’ me a stall, but, says I, ‘Not much; Struthers can’t afford to | play no crooked business on me, for he knows | I've got him dead to rights.’ and the coim- ," said the deacon, aghast, ‘ what is the meaning of all this jargon? I have no boy in Ohio, I don't know your friend Margaret, and I don’t care whether she has obtained a ituation or not. I don’t know you, and I don’t know any boys, and desire you to leave my house immediately, or Iwill ¢ ants to expel you.” I my sei “Ob, T see, got the gang round from the church to wrestle their Ml right; sorry [ came. hh with you, Oh, I forgot, Jim says he expects to see you | to-morrow, to fix that busin bout the glove- fight. So long!” and the loud individual noise lessly departed, whistling the “ Little Widdce | Dunn,” and slamming the front door after him with a bang that shook the whole house. The guests looked a ment. Miss each other in amaze- rs sniffed significantly, the | Rev. Bagg gazed in a strabismie sort of way into his plate, and Struthers, with his fac flushing scarlet, looked ready to burst with suppressed emotion. After a painful silence of some seconds, Struthers opened his mouth to say: “My friends, I hope you will do me the justice to believe me, when assure you that I never—" But before he could say another word he was interrupted by a drunken shout of: “ Hurro! Struthers, you old se-noozer, you!” And a most disreputabl vidual staggered into the room, with a demi- john in each band, “1 ole Jorum I goin’ to fire out,” stammered the inebri- ated intruder, cocking his swollen red nose on one side, and fixing his unsteady gaze on the horrified deacon. “ Struth knows good rye , dirty-looking indi- | ers by this time ; his fr THE JUDGE when he tastes it. foot off on Strath, ta Can't put no ole tangle- Ole fel, I wan’ you to a little of this‘er rye. Jorum says iv’ what you allers carry, an’ I wanner fine out.” “Get out of my house, you drunken scoun- drel !” shouted the deacon, his rage getting beyond his control, What do you mean by coming here? I'll have you arrested and locked up, you drunken vagabond!” “ey wa bone !" said the ‘ing his head in maudlin sorrow. ¢ calls his ole frien’ Jerry a wagabon wouldn't have believed it if any other body had atole me, but I hearn it with my own ears. Ole Strath calls me a wagabone!” and here Jerry broke down in a mixture of blub- bering sighs and drunken hiccoughs, and, pick- ing up his demijohn, staggered out again, thumping against obstructions, and mourn- fully wailing like a sort of dismal refrain: a wagabone ! He calls Jerry a Is Je bone !"" As he stumbled out of the front door, a tet yea 1 reold boy, with haste in his manner, and a big chew of tobacco in his mouth, brushed t him, and walking straight to the dini room, called out, in a parrot-like voice: “Mr. Struthers. I was told to say that the brindled pup is too sick to fight, so you necdn’t come over. Gentleman said you would under- st and turning on his heel, the boy ked out again, with the air of one bent on important busine: ul” ewhere. ‘Things had got pretty desperate for Struth- snd were eying him ‘The Rev. Bagg had an expres: on his countenance, Miss Jagers was beginning to feel happy, the butter man glanced knowingly at’ the shoet their wives raised their eyebrows and pursed up their lips. They all pretended to believe the deacon when he disclaimed all knowle¢ of the meaning of these strange visitation: could not fail to see | ome to a far f habits of their host. stion was being discusse md_as though the tea-party i done with unexpected variations, when whole company was startled by the rustling of skirts and the laughter of a loud female voice, and in a moment the room was invaded | pusly-attired woman with a white- washed face, underlined eyes, brass-colored hair, and an immensely broad-brimmed hat, stuck way on one side of her head. She filled the air with a strong odor of musk, and seemed to pervade the whole place with her noisy, vulgar personali suspiciously. sion of li and but a shrewd observe that every one had ing opinion of the Th again, and it seen soci: organ que by a gor “Ah! there you are, you old fox,” she said, shaking her finger playfully at the hor- ritied deacon, who sat speechless in his chs “You're a sweet cake, you are, to promise t take me to the Varieties and then never show up. If you wasn't such a bald-headed old duck, I'd give you the grand bounce, and I will yet if you don’t stop your tra-la-la-looin with the ballet-girls, and don’t you forget it!” The deacon flew to the district telegraph instrument, and began to signal wildly, while the gorgeous female tickled him in the ribs and patted his bald head. The scandalized guests rose in a body and Ieft the house, with muttered exclamations of horror and disgust. The Rev. Bagg was carried in a limp condition to his parsonage, and when Struth- ers awoke from his swoon he found himself surrounded by messenger-boys, police and fire- men, and his guests, bidden and unbidden, all gone. Mr. Struthers has lived down the scandal of that evening, and is still a member of Bagg's church, for he is useful in the ‘ cause,” and has a large bank account. But he has never learned, and probably never will, that it was his opposite neighbor who, with information from a communicative grocer, and the assist- ance of his dissolute friends, got up the inva- sion of the deacon’s tea Tue only portrait of Frank Thurber we have seen, to recognize, was published in last Sunday's Truth, But why do they caption it ‘a mystery?” Is he not in the grocery business and well known as an anti-smonop- olist? HEROES OF ANCIENT AND MODERN TROY, Recent college graduate, striving to test his Milesian paternal relative's knowledge of the classics, puts the following question to gov'nor, did you ever hear of Paris His father, after some hesitation, responds: “Pp, So-ugh; but many’s. the toime oi've heerd iv Ed Murphy, the foine, big-hearted mayor iv Throy. Mebbe ‘tis him ye mane?” Classic son, in a burst of frenz Iliad out of the nearest window, ‘, pitches his EARLY PATRIOTISS Now the premature query of ev'ry small boy, Is “where is ye goin’ de Fourt’ 0! Jooloy ?” “1 ast very much supperised!” as the grate- ful tramp said to the kind-hearted lady, ater eating the plentiful evening meal she had given him, Contry IsLanp is at its best now, and the lager beer glasses contain nearly a thimble full of froth, it is sai “ Don't be in such a hurry, Clorinda Jane, I'll be dower, dar soon's dis yer spike breaks,” comicbooks.com