Judge — June 17, 1882 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ae sx rs SS Hus this poor man got a pain in his stomach ? Oh no, this poor man has not got a pain tn his stomach, the is only cryin “Siceet stravehe OCCUPATIONS IN HEAVEN They are now doing in Heaven what in their best moments di on ea Talmage. | Wes Des n Ric rd Smith, on angels’ wings, Rebukes his wicked partners as he si When Chilis, A. M., aerially thes, the skies; fax naturally drools in heavenly Sunday-schod Obituary vers When smiling His platit When Secor Robberson beyond the g ping Heaven with annecded n When Blaine, in ghostly plumes, t With specters of his new When bold John Sherman leaps from ont To strip the treasury of the um When Tweed, Jolin Kelly, Cameron, and Fisk Have formed a ring up int Then “tearful Tommy Ecclestastic law-auits in the sky And Dr. Talmage in some specter church Shall leave all spirit owns far in the lar When Deacon Richardson, with ra Build railways in the dim eternal ; When Barnum rises from his ample shroat And sails his spirit-show upon a clond; When Cyrus Field procures, as may be son, An elevated railway to the moon; When Gould and Vanderbilt ran another rac Of “Pats” and * Calls” amid the realms of «p Then specnlators in the boundless “+ Where? Shall make a “corner” in the upper air. onseny Walker's Combination BY BRICKTOP. My friend Walker is forever striking Dinations. Occasionally one of them strikes back, Walker is made to resemble a man who trifle with the business end of a mule. But he never loses faith in himself, It | sometimes takes him quite a while to recover from the back-action effects of one of his com- binations, but all the while he is convalescent he is studying up a new one He bobbed up with unexceptional serenity in my office the other day. I had not seen him for several wecks, but that was, most like- ly, owing to his being engaged in recovering from the reaction of one of his combinations, I supposed. Ah, old boy, I'm awfully glad to see you. How have you been ?" he chirruped, shaking hands and letting himself down into a chair, THE JUDGE. ry well, indeed, thankyou, How have n yourself ¢” [ asked. “Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't been very well since I saw you last,” said he, some- what sadly. “Indeed. Nothing serious, I hope. “Well, I shall probably recover from it.” “Ob, then something really has been the matter 2” Not bodily, Lord bless you, no. I never was better in my life. But it’s all right. How is the world using you 7” “LT manage to smile with it once in a while. But, if ] remember rightly, you were on the nickel-plated edge of a fortune the last time I saw you.” “Oh, that mine, you mean ? to laugh. “Well, I think there was a mine mixed up aud he tried in the business somehow, You were aboutto | become a bonanza king, or something, if 1 remember rightly,” I replied, as though not y positive whether it was thar or an unclaimed fortune. ell, Brick, that combination didn't work exactly as I thought it would,” said he, ly. “Indeed. Did you get len?” “Yes, I think I got left. But I'm done, No more speculation or chancing in mines forme. I'm no swine; I know when I have got enough. Bat I'll tell you how it was, You know I showed you a lump of very rich quartz?” “Yes, and from it you got your pints, eh?” “Wait a moment; I didn’t think there was so much edness in the world. Would you lelieve it, those chaps, who pretended to be old miners trom Colorado, and that that quartz was only a specimen of what they could pick np all around their claim, were never out of New York City? & Ts it possible? * and T couldn't help laugh+ ing a little. “Yes, confound it, A friend of mine in- troduced me to them, and after a while they showed me their specimens, and gave me glowing accounts of the mine they had di covered. ‘They were poor, they said, and could not afford to work it. All they want- ed was a few thousand dollars for their claim, with a trifling interest in future earnings. I thought I saw an opening. I took the quartz to a good judge, and he assured me that it was very rich. Again I consulted with those miners. They suggested that if I would be- come the president of the whole thing, would sell me a one-half interest for five thousand dollars, and the game was that we were to put stock on the market, and sell enough on our specimens to get fily thou- sand dollars for a working capital. I paid the money, and the papers were drawn up regularly. My friend, the Alderman, felt a good over it as I did, and together we went out to see the mine, to get everything in hand before issuing our stoc We went out to Colorado, and nosed all over the State in quest of the ‘Jack Pot Mine.’ It conld not be found, and in the neighborhood of where they claimed it was there had never been an ounce of anything better than bowlders taken out, We naturally felt indignant and disap- pointed, but on our return to New York those miners had fled with my five thousand dollars.” “You should not speak sneeringly of them, Walker, for I call them very good miners, and if they can only strike such soft rich “leads* as you are every year, they will man- to do very well,” said 1. “Don't laugh at me, Brick. I'm mad | enough already, Why, do you know that the raseals bought those quartz specimens hi in New York?” “1s it possible! And so your combination broken, ch?” “Somewhat fractured, so to speak. But I have got another one now that is as sure as fate,” said he, suddenly recovering his spirits, ‘Indeed; may I venture to ask the nature of this new combination?” “Lard!” said he, after glancing carefully und. “Lard? “Hair oil.” “Explain,” “\ chemical friend of mine has discovered a combination composed of hogs’ fat and some other thing that will straighten negroes’ hair.” “What! “Fact, we tried it on a Newfoundland dog first, and we had to do his hair up in curl papers to keep him from stepping on it. ‘Then | we tried it on a darkey, and in less than three hours his wool was straightened out and wa’ ing gracefully over his shoulders. Oh, I tell you itis a big thing, and we are going right into it. There are only three of us in it, but we expect to sell five million bottles of it the first year, which will give us a clear profit of at least four million dollars. — Good-bye, | Brick; I'll see that you don't have to work for a living after this year. Give us anotic and you shan't lose anything by it,” he added, and away he went, as full of hope as ever Colonel Sellers was. But I have done my part, although it is barely possible that I shall still be obliged to write for a living, in spite of Walker's great combination, THE rumor that James G. Blaine, of Maine, has signified his intention of aiding the Cam- cron forces in their hopeless struggle in Penn- sylvania against the Independent Republi- cans has been promptly set at rest by the “Plumed Knight” himself. Aye, Simon and Don, the ghost of Garticld stalks through Pennsylvania as well as through New York! A suggestion for Irish immigrants coming to this comutry, comicbooks.com