Judge — May 27, 1882 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. A MYSTERY. On, it may have been Bat a cockroach seen, Or a truant hair that from fatr head fell In the hash to-day, That drove him away From our boarding-house—the fastidious swell! This Happened Last Week. Everysopy talks about the weather as a rule, but occasionally a man is found who has nothing to say about it (evidently being will- ing to leave it all to tho Weather Bureau), and not only that, he refuses to hear anybody else talk about it. Everybody knows that we have had horrible weather of late, and, of course, everybody has had something to say about it, especially those naturally given to such things. “Qugh! What sort of weather do you eall this for May?” asked one passenger of anoth- er, coming down on the Third avenue cars the other morning. “What do you mean, sir?” the other re- marked, looking up from his morning paper. T merely remarked ——” “What?” “J_J simply asked—that is I said: ‘What sort of weather do you call this for May?’ that’s all.” ‘All! What business have you to ask me about the weather, sir? What do I know about the weather, anyway? and supposing I did, what right have you to ask me about it? Confound the.weather, anyhow;” and he resumed his reading. ‘The amateur Vennor subsided for the space of a minute or so, but evidently fecling that some apology was needed for what he had done, he nudged the crabbed non-weather man, and said: “T beg pardon, sir.” “You do? What for ?” “‘T did not intend to molest or offend you.” “Then what made you ?” “Well, you know this is very remarkable weather, and——” “T know nothing of the kind, sir. nothing at all about the weather. the weather!” “Ah! that is what I say, sir. agreed ou that, at all events.” “No, sir, we are not agreed. “You have seen fit to molest me while reading my paper by making remarks about the state of the weather, and asking my opirion regarding it.” “But I meant no offense, sir.” “You know better, sir. You asked me what sort of weather this was for May, just as though I had anything to do with it.” “But I apologized.” “Confound you and your apologies, and your weather, and if you think it is cold and keep up this sort of thing, I will soon make it as warm as dog days for you.” “Oh, youwill, eh?” asked the meek weather man, now fully aroused on account of the snubbing he had received and the laughter of the other passengers. “Yes, I will, you confounded bore,” and he raised his hand as though to give him a back-handed “ wipe.” I know Confound We are Delight of Fido at being brought home by a boy who “found” him in the street and had accidentally seen ; @ reward of ten dollars offered for his return. But that little meek man, whose only fail- ing seemed to be that he would talk about the weather, was there. He began to manipulate that surly man, and his first manip was one on the nose, then onc on the hearing apparatus. The unthermometrical man grappled with him, and the other passengers got out of the way, in order to allow them to tumble about in the straw on the floor. The surly man bellowed for the police, the conductor, the driver, anybody, in fact, who would take his customer away. But that little man refused to get up or let up until the other had admitted that this month of May was the worst one he had ever known in his life, and he finally did so, amid much laughter, For absolute and entire control of Uniied States Treasury matters John Jay Knox them all. It is not much wonder the residents of Skaneateles commit suicide. Anybody com- pelled to pass his days in a town so ortho- graphically outraged, is justified in getting out of it at the earliest possible moment, and by any possible means, As a dernier resort, suicide, under the circumstances, be- comes a virtue. RoveH on rats—cats, Toes change. Once it would have been rank sacrilege’ to have objected to the ringing of church bells in the city, but now they are generally condemned for the nuisances they erally are. Mr. J. K, Esorer is kindly mentioned by a World critic as being ‘‘ assisted” in the per- formance of Fritz by ‘‘an entirely new com- pany.” The bibulous comedian must have “*got’em on” again, and ‘‘bad,” as the vul garians put it, to acquire a whole theatrical company to “assist” him. With such ‘“as- sistance,” and so much of it, it is to be hoped that J. K. E. will hereafter be found ‘right side up with care "—by the morning caller. “Take back the hand thou gavest me!” The hand of “Liberty Enlightening the World” has been sent for to be returned to France, whence it came, to be set up as a re- minder to Americans that we might subscribe money enough to purchase a pedestal for it. But we haven't done it, and now the question is—what is Uncle Sam going to do about it. A Lavy of mark: Lady.’ Bunnell’s ‘‘ Tattooed Those who complain of dull times had better go to the ‘far West. ‘They have life enough thers.