Judge — May 27, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

10 MADE OF SOMETHING. (Apotogizing for the liberties taken with Lord Byron's “Maid of Athens.) Mape of Something, ere we part, Tell me, truly, what thou art! For it needs must be confessed There is mystery, at best, Larking in thy amber glow— Lager mou sas agapo !* Tell me, dost the glucose shine In this chalky foam of thine? Is it malt of barley true Mingled in thy beery brew? Hops, not drugs, thy tincture? -O Lager mou sas agapo ! Howsoe’er it be, T fear, Made of Something, thou art queer! For you make my head to ache, And my stomach cause to quake, After twenty bocks or 80— Lager mou sas agapo ! wr * Presumed to be Greek of the Byronte school. Known by | the writer to be “all Greek" t | A Great Invention. a | A Maine farmer has invented a corn-field scarecrow, which is likely to receive the first prize at the forthcoming agricultural fairs. Accompanying the model jast sent to the Pat- ent Office is a statement, under oath, that ‘*said model was last year placed in the corn- field of a worthy citizen of Athens, Me., and 8o terrified the crows of the immediate neigh- borhood that they not only abstained from un- earthing the newly planted sced, but actually brought back and deposited the spoils of the previous year."" If the recently created De- | partment of Agriculture knows its own best interests, it will lose no time in inviting this distinguished inventor to a seat in its coun- cils. Ifhe could but invent some sort of “scarecrow” that would frighten office-seck- ers away from Washington, the universal Yankee nation would rise up and call him blessed. Tuere is such a thing as judicial dignity, of course. It is very essential to the standing of a court, but there is sometimes a little judi- cial salt needed. For instance, Judge Hyatt, of the Marine Court, it is said, talks alto- gether too much in public places about the business of his court and of cases up before him, If this is so, it goes to show that he is too fresh for his position, and needs, to say the least, a pinch or two of judicial salt. A NEW “D bringer ov YORK CITY SKETCH. ‘er der monk ter player dei N has undertaken a big that is, he is attempting to make newspaper thing, men better by praying for them. It cannot be done. All the prayers in the world cannot make newspaper men better than they are. Puotocraruer Pact lately performed a miracle in his business, that of successfully photographing nd people at} | the May Music F a back view of the entire audience without its knowing But we cannot help thinking what a turning | around there would have been had it been even suspected that they were having their| pictures taken. Music may have charms, but it could never contend with camera when it is pointed at a crowd. | NOW'S THE TIME, For “ slipping” plants, And spinster aunts, Tight-legged pants, Hand-organ chants, All gorts of ** Wants,” Squalling infants, And poets’ ranta, If you have a chance. Land Leacve logic is nothing if not Hi- bernian. We are indebted to one of the liber- ated.‘ patriots” of the political firm of Pat- nell, Davitt & Co., for the truly surprising piece of intelligence (?) that the murder of Lord Cavendish and Under-Secretary Burke was the work of English Tories! Well, won- ders will never cease! May we not now ex- pect to be further informed from the same re- liable source that the Queen herself is among Something that is always more agreeable for being a little fresh, the late assassination suspects. ‘Tue young man who “everlastingly doa on a woman, should look about among his fe- male acquaintances for an antidote. Sue can work a faney screen Just the nicest ever seen, In a style that all her “culchahed” set enchants; Bat, my friend, *twixt you and me, It would chill a man to see How she stitched a patch upon her old man’s pants. ADELE. INTELL E reaches us from Havana that ‘Count O'Reilly, a Grandee of Spain and Cu- ban Senator in the Spanish Cortes,” has just died there. Judging from his family nomen- clature, * Count O'Reilly” must have been a blue-blooded Castilian from the neighborhood of Limerick—a section no less rich in native noblemen than it is in native whis! If the government of Alphonso XII. conld only be induced to embark in the wholesale business of manufacturing Spanish grandees out of Irish raw material, a solution of the present Home Rule question in Ireland might speedily be arrived at Cork and Castile united, what might not Don Patrico Murphi attain to— through perseverance and ‘‘a drop of the crather?” TRATE wives are outdone by the Nihilists in the blowing-up line. y Nor a cheerful giver: The disputant who is forced to give in. Rove on emigrant “greens "—acclimated “Reds.” comicbooks.com