Judge — May 6, 1882 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOT DEAD, BUT SLEEPETH. Waar, that little ringlet lying there? Ab, I loved it ones, that golden hair, So smooth and soft; And when I wandered o'er the sea I bore tt, in my breast, with me, ‘And kissed it oft. Yes, often, friend, in the long, hard years, Have I wept upon it manly tears, x ‘And sighed; Dreaming of her I loved a0 well— Dreaming of her, my dainty Belle, My promised bride. Ab, well I loved that curling hair, For she gave it me when the summer air Was fall of glee; And I have watched ber bright eyes shine As about my Gogers that treas I'd twine, Across the sea. “Dead?” Ob, no; but the very day ‘That I got back from Rome to stay, Her brother Fred Told me a talo which keops us apart, Ot how the carl I wore next my heart Came from Ais head! Oro. R. PARRISHL “JAY CHARLTON.” Iv one neighborhood in New York there are five churches within two blocks, and on Sun- day mornings there is a regular ring battle. Taere is one Philadelphia man who can stand up before the Champion Sullivan, and he eats onions, Tuere is a man in Virginia who claims to be one hundred and thirty-two years old, and he makes a living raising chickens, He re- members that in his childhood he raised the hen that is now being sold as a spring chicken. Wuat this country really needs is a church aisle so wide that when a deacon leaves his hat outside of the pew, the next deacon who comes along docs not kick it for a foot-ball, and walk on unconcernedly, because he does not know where to kick it back to. Waite Jesse James was charged with being a Democrat, Guiteau is held up as a Republi- can. Guiteau, Republican or not, will 3oon be held up, while Jesse James lives in the hearts of those who loved his Democratic principles. Hoes usually have a sty in their eye. ACTRESSES who are late at rehearsal are always referred to one whois prompter. Tue sunflower, as an emblem of estheti- cism, is fast running to seed. A JewisH friend informs us that the only way he,can make the neighbors believe that he is out of town in summer is not to hang the sheets and pillows out of the front windows. Tae Italian woman who arrives in New York on a Monday evening may be seen promenading Broadway on the next Tuesday morning with a sheaf of laths on her head from a torn-down building. | | | es, Dick, its a fact. I'm the only member of the family that could erer raise a mustache, Tnrereis the sinall-witted man of the suburb- an village, who is a little clerk, who can never rise, but who considers himselfas the dominant critic of all the doings of the people around him, He has a hard way of living, but he is fond of deriding the more luxurions living of others as something mean and small. He dreams, in his little conceit, that the carriage of a richer manis a cart; that the cauliflower of a gener- ous liver is only a cabbage; that a paper- dealer is an “old junk,” and that all dia- monds are paste, while his paste is a diamond. You have him in your village. Sittixc Bui at last acknowledges the higher benefits of civilization. Even when he is not drinking, he takes two beer mugs and strikes them together, thinking that the clink is musical. Sometimes the mugs are empty, but he keeps up the music, imagin- ing that he is two big Ingins down on Coney Island, thinking that froth is beer. A HACKENSACK man has invented a hat with an elastic gore like a Congress gaiter. At ten o'clock in the evening it registers five and three-eights, but at five o'clock on the following morning it goes on casily at a register of eight and nine-tenths, A MILWAUKEE brewer sass it is necessary to keep a cat in his vaults to prevent the mice from falling into the beer. It is to be pre- sumed that it is a Maltese cat. AN amorous lover says that when the old gentleman came*out of the front door and kicked him out on the gravel he felt stoope- fied. For the first time, in connection with the New York correspondent of the London Tele- graph, we the other evening attended a wake. It was a very fine affair, and our friend ex- plained to us that the whisky was intended to keep the living mortals awake. Iris funny; but dolly women should not wear dolmans. . Palpable Errors Corrected. Tne official report of the late dog show in this city makes honorable mention of the al- leged fact that the prize of a silver collar was awarded for “ the smatlestand best York- shire terrier—Miss Bessie French's Oscar Wilde,” This statement should be taken, as the Oxford graduate would remark, cum grano salis—that is to say, “ with a pinch of snuff.” In the first place, Oscar Wilde is neither “the smallest and best Yorkshire terrier.” Oscar is of Irish lineage. Neither is he a ter- tier, to the best of our knowledge and belief, though some of the coarse and brutal Philis- tines may have occasionally alluded to him as “a puppy”"—this by way of endearment, probably. Secondly, a six-footer in his knee breeches cannot be called ‘‘small.” Thirdly, while Oscar is good enough in his own and Miss Kate Field’s way (limited), he cannot be rated as ‘‘best” in anything—not even ws- thetic gumption. Fourthly, and lastly, Oscar Wilde does not belong to Miss Bessie French —no, nor to any other woman except his own and only ‘‘Mu.” With these few trifling rec- tifications, the original statement may be cor- rect. comicbooks.com