Judge — April 29, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lets see. Here we have himas @ caterpillar, winter quarters. WS seeking | SSS SSS SSS DOFS THE TRAMP RESEMBLE A BUTTERFLY? And here he is as the chrysalis. Ble Nity.s hhh And when the spring comes he turns out prepared for business, HE LOVED HER. “Do You Love Her 1” “Love her! Why, sir, yon radiant moon, With every inch surcharged with light, Yields not tho glow of that ferco flame Which burns within my soul to-night. “Love her! If thou had’st but the strength To place that chain of mountains great Within the scales beside my love, My love would far exceed in weight. “Love her! The mottled lark that soars Among the clouds that float above, Can never reach in loftiest flight The height of my exalted love. “Love her! Tho ocean's greatest depth Is not so deep—aye! no, not near— As my heart's love for her I crave, On bended knees before thee here, “Love ber! If all the wealth of earth In one hugo glitt'ring mass were piled, It would not equal half the wealth Of that great love I bear thy child.” “Well, [think you do. Take her,” And tho old man worried on his boots, borrowed a chew of tobacco of his pros- pective son-in-law, and went out to bed down the hogs for the night. HOWARD X. FULLER. I MOVE. ‘A FIRST OF MAY EPISODE. I wave moved, and I am glad of it. Not because I have merely changed my location, but because I have gained a certain amount of personal experience, which shall attend the future days of my life, and with great ad- vantage I trust. I didn’t move because I was not satisfied with my former place of residence; neighbors were good enough, and all that. Neither did I move because it was cheaper to move than to pay rent, for I had to pay, whether I would or no. My wife said it was getting to be quite the thing to move on the first of May; consequent- ly I moved, and terrible were the disasters which attended me. For three whole weeks I ran from intelli- gence office to intelligence office. I pounded upon two hundred and forty-four different front doors, climbed sixty-eight miles of bad stairs, and perambulated through one hun- dred and seventeen dark, illy-smelling hall- ways. Iwas brow-beaten by two hundred and forty-four female tenants; was kicked out of ten back entrances by as many tenement- house cigar-makers, who swore, by the powers above and below, that I was an infernal health officer looking for small-pox patients, It is not necessary for me to enumerate the countless insults which I received, during my period of house-hunting. I trust you'll take my word for it when I say I paid out a score of dollars to those fiendish house-agents, I rented ten or a dozen places, simply to get the refusal, you know; but when I endeavored to explain all about them to my wife, she merely turned up her lip, and in a tone of scorn uttered: “Too utterly low, I assure you. never do anything but by halves.” I was completely discouraged, and finally I said: : “My dear, if move we must, you must hire the place. Iam through. I wash my hands entirely of the whole business.” What did that admirable woman do? She went out, and in three hours she re- You men turned. Upon her face there rested that grand expression of success, and above her alabaster brow, foreshadowed by the regula- tion bangs, there circled the halo of pre- eminent glory. That woman is a prize to any man, and if any man had her, he could prize her more than I—pardon me, my wife is a first-class article, as wives nowadays run, which is pretty much to bonnets and such. She gazed upon my abject person with a scorn that was touching, as she exclaimed: “A mere nothing. Just play, I assure you. J have rented a place.” “ And the figure?” I ventured to ejaculate, “Fifty dollars a month,” she vaguely responded, as though I were some bloated bond owner whose hardest task was the com- putation of interest on bonds at high figures. “En!” “ Fifty dollars, fifty dollars,” she cooed. Iwas mute. It is better than shining gold for aman to be mute when it’s time to be mute. J know when it’s time, hence I was mute. Well— I moved. She—— Bossed the job. And—— I won't say just how she curry-combed me down for wrapping, in an absent-minded manner, the piano-cover about the oil-can; for crowding the what-not, loaded with bric-a- brac, into the clothes-basket, and for walking off toward our new home with all her defunct crinoline and patent non-combustible bustles dangling over my shoulder. Nowa man is liable to do such mere nothings, especially comicbooks.com