Judge — April 22, 1882 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. it JAY CHARLTON. ““Ma, what does the cat on the fence to the other cat?” “ Let me kiss him { mother. Don't bother me, child.” but is Tabby saying her catekissem?” ‘A Westcuester gentleman found that his hired man, who had taken the pledge, was in the habit of pouring a little whisky into the backet back of the barn before he took a drink of water, When qvestioned, Patrick said: “Sure, it was only a drop in the bucket. After that there was a drop in the bucket market. CERTAIN Fifth Avenoodles who trip the pare- ments as if they had currycombs fastened to their knees, are scions of the times. Cyrus W. Fieip wants to blow up the man who blew up the monument where he played, He ought to be fed on ice pie. Tue brakesman who makes mischief by carclessness is liable in the law. The rule is, “who brakes, pay OLp brass color is very fashionable, which accounts for the fact that Senator Anthony wears an old brass bandana handkerchief around his neck. AN authority says that crows fight. must have a carcsus belli. They Texnysos likes to be relieved from poetic thoughts, Hence, in smoking, he uses a clay pipo, as Carlyle did, And he also tells story occasionally, which is said to be very loud. Swi Fool. —! mect. dence. I was on the Avenue yesterday, So was I. Swell.—Still, we did not Fool. —No, it was a mutilated coinci- NeaRLy every litle suburban village near ew York has its would-be genteel fellow, whose vulgar antecedents and lack of educa- tion in good society give him away. He is always picayune, writes ungrammatical let- ters, is a silly musical or ignorant political bore in the ears of educated people, generally wears a batton-hole bouquet on an ill-cut coat, is comically restless, ludicrously self-conscious, athin-veiled hypocrite, aud a small backtiter. His name is legion, and every station claims the champion fyol. Ir is still a question whether Roscoequettes | with politics. Many of the flashiest diamonds are made of Jew-Jew-by paste. | THE Wyoming Territory adage is, ‘ Mule, heel thyself.” Never offer to pay when your neighbor in- sists on payit It is foolish to have a stand- up fight for the drinks. Waat comes nearest to a Jew's mouth? The Jewlip. AN exjournalist has become a Greek brig- | and. He interviews elegantly, and gets out | of a man all he is worth, Two cloping lovers were drowned in the | Cumberland last we Moral: Never swap kisses while crossing a stream. Wney Gye comes over here to run opera, | we shall have a Gye-gantic entertainment. Ir is delightful to see a girl with old-gold | approaching freckles give a golden stare. Kentucky cows, for want of food, are so | lean that their milk has to be charned in gas- pipe. THERE are so meny artesian wells in Cali- fornia that the borers are running the thing in the ground. “Tam going to ride in my donkey-cart said a Fifth Avenuesance. good horse.” they would give a chicken the gapes. Bakep onions are good for a cold. And this is not according to the Bakonion theory, either. Wues a bore bnttonholes you, ask him whether he is going to pin on a bonquet for you, Lawyers are accused of being given to bad temper and fussiness. At any rate most of | them are feesy. Never calla mana goose because he has a gas bill. “Then,” said a | robust young fellow, “I hope yon will have a | ‘Some of the present plays are so sleepy that | A MaryLaxb man was being baptized with a number of other people who were taken into the river the other day, and showed his train- ing, when he exclaimed, ‘See here, parson, I propose that we toss for choice of sides." Tuk Czar is accused of being grouty towards the Germans, Is this a case of Czar-grout? SULLIVAN, the prize-ighter, seems to favor a big ring. Now, if he wishes to have a big ring, let him pull a fire bell. A JeRsEYMAN has been struck nine times by lightning and is not dead yet. He is live enough to “get over” a stone fence. ALREADY there are exciting signs of the watering-place season. ‘The time will soon come when 25,000 young fa- thers will tell their neighbors how their littie children asked whether they are going to Rasberry Park, and when 24,999 of those young fathers will solemnly explain that tho little children meant Asbury Park. MILLIovs of spiders fell in a Georgia shower. ‘am out because they were ecbweb- footed. Many politicians hang round the city haul. Many young ladies on FiNh Avenue prac- tice pedestrianism. The embroidery on their hose goes like clock-work, Loxpox Vanity Fair says that tied-back skirts on ladies prevent them from having that gracefulness of walk which is called flowing. Pshaw! Have you never been to the opera early and seen the tlowing tied come in? ‘To the pretty gir! on Madison Av bright ties haunt me still. nue: Thy AT COLLEGE. Roow-aare.—I have often thought, Ned. how much we are alike. “Same ideas, same tastes ; in fact, we are alike t2 everything.’ (Ned hopes ‘they are not alike in looks at least.) comicbooks.com