Judge — April 15, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN EX-PRESIDENTIAL RHYME. Ir Pd as much mon I never would live at Fren Mt Fren T nev ITdasn L never the fa Tha T nev 1h money as I could count, ily ould mount; queer 1 thingama; © the family 21 If fd as much money as Wi W drink that That curst cold tea, the worst ¢ That ever came out of the iain V., Tnever wou ITdasn Va never th ‘The fund Be sure I'd never the fand r i refuse ;— the fand refase— Our Original Norristown Budget. A sclestiric writer says: “Dreams are night thoughts, unchecked by the judgment, Perhaps they r occurred to the litor, who docs nearly all his sleeping slight, that the dreams he indulges in afer seven A.M. are night thoughts, But, as we have been informed on one or two oc- casions, the world moves,” and it may have got so that night thougits will attack a sleep- ing man in the day time. and uncontrolled by the will, are; but it probably nev night by d Nature, an English scientific journal, says that “if persons who can't and children—would when they find themselves overboard, there ths from drowning "—and as been extensively copied by the American All the same, it is a most ridiculous idea, Natuve might as well tell an acronaut that if he were to fly when his balloon bursts ten thousand fect from the One is about women tread water would be fewer dea the suggestion h earth, he would escape as $ the other, and it would be safe to offer ten thousand dollars tothe man or woman unable to swim whose life ha treading water. asy been saved by A MAN who camped out two weeks, and halfcooked meat, smoke-flavored and sooty fish, stale bread, and coflee as palata- an “ague cure,” commenced to grum- ble at his wife's cooking as soon as he got home, and sat down to the supper table. Per- haps he didn’tbring his appetite home with him. ate A New York journal discusses “The fuel of the Future.” We thought the Bible had decided that question long ago; though the “revision” may leave it open to some doubt. Kate Fenn says the “crusaders didn't go forth to the Holy Land in trousers.” You're right, Kate, And it might be added that the iji Islanders never attend a barbecue of ked missionary in trousers. There are lots of arguments that might be adduced from sa cred and profane history to show the utter ridiculosity of wearing trous But we shall continue to wear ‘em. ‘And here, too,” echoes Dr. Mary Walker. rs. swim—mien, | AN FSCAPED cided age to live directly opposite a boiler ar when it is a undry of deafening ¢ protitic hand-¢ pacity, is during the an season. ‘Tue New York Commercial Advertiser says Am n editor can live comfor Damascus on five dollars a year. an; but before he is th Il re | gret that he didn’t commit suicide and save is five dollars. an ably in Perhaps he six months h A New species of gambling is proposed, The idea is to procure a dozen women w | have run needles into their hands, bring them together, the same as in a walking mateh, charge a dollar admission fee, and the gate to be awarded to the woman through whose body the needle makes the quick journey and comes out of her heel. ‘This will give gamblers an opportunity to bet on the blonde, or the cross-eyed woman, or the wom- | an with a wart on her chin, as they may pre- | fer, It is expected that betting and whisky drinking will be lively. A snake SATU! ‘an |i LIST ec overed that a rattle: ven months without water. This may be a remarkable feat for a rattle: snake; but it was long ago discovered that man could live more th | out water, Ir is estimated that the amonnt of mascu line profanity that will be evolved this spring will be three times as great as that exuded last | season. Fashion reports say that ladies, | spring hats will be two inches broader in the ee IE DOWN GRADE | brim than last year, and have a steeple-like pro- jection, A “steeple-like projection " is the last aw, and it will be safe for Vennor to pre- “storm "—of wrath, .LA WHEELER sings: ‘* Will I wed thee? Y, ask it not, dear heart; Too beautiful the charm is to be broken.” r la ful “charm | mels, operas, ice cream, front gate conversa- tions, etcete: generally broken months after marriage. Thousands of girls who have fractured the charm, are now living in sackcloth, ashes, and divorces, Ella is a close ob: arseeing woman, The beauti- of buggy rides, chocolate cara- fow Mr. Crixpa, a Brooklyn inventor, thinks the time will soon come when men will fly. If Mr. Crandall had been a close reader of the newspapers, he would know that that period has already arrived. The fact is not | calculated to become popular, however, as long as bank directors discover next day that thousands of dollars have flown along with the man. A Westen paper cl ing ims the prize medal nuity in behalf of a local tradesn who, inorder to let the public know he sells tea, has a big Tp inted on each of his shop shutters, one in greer and the other in black. But that is not so very smart, afer all. A New York who wants to let the public know he sells “Gunpowder tea,” blows up | his customers from morning till night. ‘oce! A DESIRED end: The end of a tedious ser- mon. comicbooks.com