Judge — April 1, 1882 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ny a grumpling liver-pad rtaches worse than you have had; And [ have told the euspailore, “Dear cusp-adore me evermore.’ Aud he has sworn he will be true To his own fulfal kang For when I asked him how lov He answered his like anger 00, grows, le thee t yum-yum sin; angalo te hroat, e, my gro with I and the cuaparoo some A would-be Hotly a Ho was t And «! to mateh her ¢ il to cateh her **m THE PRESUMITCOUS TOURIST. in Denver Remarked with pompe This is a hard pl 1 should call it Callos City.” ity, Working Up a Local Drama. Tne manager of a certain theater in this overgrown settlement lately applicd to one of acter comedians who happened to be out of an engagement just then, to sce if he could arrange terms with him. Naturally enough the comedian asked him what sort of business he proposed doing. “Val, I vas goin’ for der local piznes I hafe dried almost everydings, but venefer I makes a hid in somedings, efry oder manager in New York stard de me raget.”” “Oh, so you have concluded to try the local business, have you? What play do you pro- pose? Something like ‘Coney Island,’ or what?” asked he of the versatile mug and make-up. “Val, thoughtfully. “ But have you not decided upon a piece?” “Now Idells you. I know dot you vas a good gomedian; dot vas vat I vant.” But what company have you?” ‘al, dere vas mine taughter Lena, und $a great card; she vas a great actre: und if I could only get a bartner dot under- stood der pizness und could run id ven I vas avay, I could make a parrel of money daking Lena oud on der road. She vas a great fa- vorite; she vasa great actress! Did you see dem picdures of Lena dot I stig up in efry vindow in New York und all ofer der gun- dry?” “Oh, yes, she has been very well billed in- deed, But how about the picce you propose to pmploy me in?” , dot vas id,” said he, as though not certain of it. “What people have you, and whom doyou propose to engage?” , I dells you. he vas gread! our ¢ somedings like dot,” he said, he she Der vas mine taughter She vas do der lead. THE JUDGE. Ens Line OF CITrz THE HOME OF THLE ing pizness, und I hafe a gomedian—val, he vas a liddle snide, bud he can blay a very good ‘bum.’ I mages a bum of him, und Lena she vas gread! She blay der leading pizness; dot bart is all righd, bud I vants you for der boss gomedian.” “ But haven't you any other people ?” “Oh, yes, dere vas seferal bums dot vil go on for fifdy cends a nighd,” he mused. “But you don’t propose to have your whole company composed of bums, do you?’ “Val, now I dells you. I vas going todoa loca! biece.” “What is it?” “Listen. I shall write id ub myself, bud you can write your own bart to suit yourself, Thafe fine scenery, bainded exbressly for id, py dot man dot bainds dod Union Skvare scenery.” “Scenery painted expressly fora piece that has not been written yet!” exclaimed the comedian, “Don'd you gatch on?” “No, I'll be hanged if I do.” “T hafe a scene of Madison Skvare, und a scene on Chatham Skvare, und von on der Powery dot vas fine. Now on dot Madison Skvare I hafe Lena gome on in dot new bink sadin dress of hers, dot vill pe sure to pring down der Louse. She vas a gread heiress in dot blay, und says some dings poud somepody dot she’lofe. Oh, Lena vas gread ad dof! Den I hafe der scene gange to der Powery, und a pawn shob, und dere vas vere you gome in md a vatch or somedings dot you vas gong to put ub der spoud. You can write ub der bart efer so fanny, und say some dings boud a gal dot you vonce safed her hfe from goking to death py some boarding-house beefsteak, und you vish you could see her. Dot vas Lena,” he added, with much anima- tion, Honey: “Well, go on.” } GLUCOSE SUGAR DEPT, ADULTERATED {EXTRACT besecee sepa SNIDE or WEKITCL ts “Val, der next scene vas on Chatham are, und I pring all der bums on, und they vas trank und raisin’ der difel, of men as bass along, I ged dem chaps for dwendy-five cents a nighd! |, blendy piz- nd funny dings dot I vorks in dot scene, und some free fights und oder ding: puddy soon along gomes dot peaudiful lady, Lena,und she vas valkin’ along so nice ven dem bums dey go for to rob her. She screams und galls for help und bolice, but dere vas no bolice, of course—der same old story, you see—und de bout to rob her und chuck her down a sewer, ven in you gome und knock der stuffin’ out of ‘em. See?” “Yea.” “She recognizes you, as you do her. You shoud und say ‘Lena!’ und she yells ‘Danney! Saved py Danney the second dime! Oh, my own, my dearest ’—und dings like dot—und, val, dot vas all,” he added, after a moment's reflection, “Not much of a plot, is there?” “Dot vasno madder. Lena vas big. She vill do her bard emense, but I vants a good gomedian dot vill mage a hid as her lofer, aAs for der bums, I vorks dem all righd, und hafe heaps of variety pizness on dot Chatham Skvare scene. I haf der scenery; und now how much you charge a week?” “Well, I think I shall it a thousand a week to play in that piece,” replicd the comedian. “ Howly Moses!” and then he started to walk aw presently returned. ‘See here, ve talks no more pizness if dot vas your brice, out ff you cfer give avay der blot of dot blay, I sue you mit damages dot vill make you sick!” and then he hit out, ‘The comedian will not, and ambitious play wrights are warned against doing the samc thing. Bricxtop, exclaimed the manager, comicbooks.com