Judge — March 11, 1882 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SS ae 12 Our Original Norristown Budget. Unper the head of ‘What Young Men Have Done,” it is stated that the gr po- leon, before he was thirty, had conducted one of the most brilliant campaigns the world ever saw; another bright youth, at twenty-six, was appointed professor at Paris, and Casanbon, the famous scholar of the sixteenth century, was appointed Professor of Greck at twenty two. These are certainly brilliant examples of youthful achievements in war and letter: but it is not necessary to go back a couple of hundred years for such illustrations of remark- able precocity. Here are a few specimens of many that might be given: Adolphus Butterby, before reaching the age of sixteen, had read i ven dime novels of the bloodiest and thunderest character, and shot fifteen cats ; Henry Crankson, at the age of fifteen, had placed bent pins under seven different teachers, and could hit a bald head fifteen times out of possible fifteen with a bean-shooter; and Julius Green, at the age of fourteen, had attached tinware to the tails of a score of strange dogs, and before reaching the age of twenty one was cone of the best base-ball players in the coun- try. All the smart boys didn’t live centuries ago, as these illustrations clearly show, A MAN may accumulate a million dollars by hard work and unwavering honesty; but ig nine eases out of ten he must evince at least five hundred thousand dollars’ worth of mean- ness to do it. A MEDICAL man says “a monument as big as the grand py 1 might be built of the teeth that have been ruined by neglect.” But we don't suppose such a monument will ever be erected in this country. It would cover too many achers. ‘A Massacuuserts girl, who is studying med- icine in a Western college, wrote home the other day, asking her mother to send her twenty-five dollars. Her maternal was almost paralyzed when she read: ‘1 want the money to buy a man to cut up.” Some girls can “cut up” aman and play with his heart with- out the operation costing them a cent, ‘Tur. best flowers for a scent—Perny-roses. (We haven't anemone to bet on this.) THE JUDGE. ‘A society writer thinks that a young man who is introduced to a lady one day, calls the next, and proposes the third, is ‘rush things.” Perhaps he is, but not in such a rushable manner as the young man who pro- poses the first day, calls the next, and is in- troduced the third. ‘Tuere are a few dignified, neavy daili deprecate newspaper humor—referri such efforts as funercal attempts at wit, drea puns, gloomy reading, ete. But when one of these same dailies, in an unguarded moment, attempts to be funny —gets off what it regards asa smart paragraph—then you want to look out! The joke is so dreary, depressing, and antediluvian, that the immortal gods on Oly pia’s mount get up on their hind legs and how! dismally, and wear the usual badge of mourning for thirty days. Ix “society” this spring it will be fashion- able for ladies to y the nose slightly ele- vated—at their less expensively dressed neigh- bors; the eyes will be worn closed—when meeting a poor relation on the street; the ears will be kept open—to listen to scandal, and the tongue will run rapidly—in repeating it. A Newsoro milk dealer named Fields re- cently committed suicide. As all the pumps in his neighborhood were in good working con- dition, and a never-failing stream of water ran through his premises, no cause can be as- signed for his rash act. “Oxe woe doth tread upon another's heels, so fast they follow.” Report says that a quis de Lanville, who laces, pads and pose and wears a romantic look and beard, is about to visit the United States, Sunflower Wilde —and now the padded Marquis! It is two too much; but we suppose we ‘shall have to submit to these English outrages as long as our navy can be sunk by a canal boat, The time must come, however—and come soon. when these ft nm affronts will be wiped out with gore. Waat punishment is due the wretch whe asks: ‘What is the difference between the ‘Turk and Ben Butler? Ans: One sits cross: legged and the other sits cross-eyed.” Tne United States pension laws operate pretty much the same as a missionary fund Experience has demonstrated that it necessi- tates an expenditure of ten dollars to get onc dollar to the heathen; while our Government pays pension agents one hundred thousand dollars on an average in order to get twenty thousand into the hands of those legally en- titled thereto. Ciara writes to the ‘ Answers-to-Corre- spondents” column of a story weekly : 1am thirty yearsold and have never had an offer of marriage. What are the young men afraid of?” Perhaps Clara’s father has kept a fero- cious dog during the past twelve y Bat as she confesses to being thirty years old, the old man can sell or shoot the animal now. “A cure for Insomni is advertised. If the concocter of the drug has been operating on the police force, his fortune is made, for it has *‘taken" splendidly. Anyhow,the members of the force are never troubled with wakeful- ness. Quite the reverse. He had been courting her for three years, and the other evening when he asked her to sing something, she innocently warbled, “Why don't the men propose, mamma?” Mamma said the conundrum was avery tin one, and perhaps Mr. Fitzslow could answer it. Fitz said he was never very good at guessing conundrums, and besides be didn't feel very well, and it looked like rain, and some other tine—— He didn’t stay long after that. Wnen George Burnham, of Emmittsburg, got up at alate hour in the morning and found the breakfast-table “cleared otf,” he mani- fested his displeasure by stabbing his father with a case knife, The provocation was great, of course, and Gcorge has a very sensi- tive nature, but he should not have stabbed his father with a case-knife, If he had sim- ply hammered the old man on thehead with a stovelifter, he would have inflicted all the hment deserved, and taught him a lesson that would have been so indelibly impressed on his mind that he would have permitted the breakfast-table to. stand two weeks in one inning ifthe affectionate son had elected to remain in bed so long. But boys will be boy A SCENE in a new opera is laid in the Gar- den of Eden. The critics are rather eC on Adam because he wears a paper collar, a velvet cloak, a diamond pin, and carries a sword, But these trifling anachronisms should be willingly overlooked. The fashions prevailing in the Garden of Eden in the year one are hardly suitable for the stage in the 19th century. They would occasion remark— save in an English ballet. we Something New in Collars. The Robespierre collar grows in popularity.— Fush- ton Exchange. ‘mes change—likewise fashions, original Robespierre collar was. in| rly a century ago by a Frenchman named Guillotin, -It was a very simple contrivance, consisting of two ordinary boards, with semi- | circles so nicely arranged as, when adjusted, to form a perfect, if not over comfortable, re- ceptacle for the neck. The circumstances at- tending the wearing of it, however, were not entirely happy. Indeed, those upon whom it as placed needed no collar thereatter, It was in great vogue in France during the fash- ionable period known as “The Reign of Ter- ror,” and was worn by pretty much every- body, without regard to age, sex, or condition in life. Robespierre, himself, though com- pelled to put it on at last, did not altogether approve of it as an article of enforced ornament. It is to be hoped that its reintro- duction into modern society may not cause so many of our fashion devotees to lose their ne ‘The danger is over. heads on the subject as formerly. comicbooks.com