Judge — February 4, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

6 THE JUDGE. SUGGESTIONS FOR AN Wear of the Journalistic Posies. _ We submit that the adoption of Eatanswill- | And if our esteemed and impetuous contem- fan manners and expressions is quite out of | porary, the World, should consider it its im place in the Great Metropolis. And yet we | perative and sacred duty to respond to such find a number of our estecmed contemporaries engaged in a rough-and-tumble scrimmage that would invite the praise and win the ad- miration of the poleonic Arkansas man, and using language such as would put even the Professor of Billingsgute to the blush. “Does it hurt aman to ca a Holifernes? asked Dr. Johnson. Perhaps it doesn’t; but | does it help a man to call his neighbor a Ringtailsnorterabob? We think not. Y when the whole gamut of blackguardism, from | to Izzard, is run through and through, | including such choice and varied epithets a pimp,” cheat,” “ blathers! “thief,” “villain,” ete., ete., ete., isn't it about time for some preserver of the public morality to call a halt? Remember the in- junction of Polonius: “ Beware of entrance to | a quarrel; but being in "—please don’t forget propriet If, for example, our esteemed and usually affable contemporary, the Times, should find it absolutely essential to its peace | of mind to for” our equally esteemed, though somewhat envenomed, contemporary, the World, why not proceed on its errand esthetically—something after the following “The World—one of the oldest drugs in the market —is now never quoted. Where sleep is dimcalt of | jP | vention of ESTHETIC COSTUME being procured, it is still taken (medicinally) by a few families.” homeopathic unction, might not something of this sort, concisely and delicately put, fully answer the requisition? Or the World might say: “The Ties 1s an excellent paper in ita way, but for wrapping up a large parcel, like a bundle of cast-off habiliments for the Old Clo' man, we still prefer the Erening Post.” We throw out these hints gratuitously, on the oil-and-water plan, in the hope of quelling, so far as in us lies, a threatening journalistic tempest, which, if it keeps on in- creasing in bulk and intensity, will require something rather larger than a tea-pot to con- tain If. District Telegraph—Quick Dispatch. First PartNer To Seconp ParTNER—What ge we live in, to be sure! Talk of the in- m power, railroads and steam- ships, of gas-lighting, of Edison's inventions, of oleomargarine and the like; but just look at | the facilities afforded us by the District Tele- graph Company! Itis now just six o'clock P. ., and we are in Park Row; and that mes- age of nine words was sent us from Union Square only yesterday morning ! SECOND PARTNER TO FIRST PARTNER (thought- an fally)—Don't you think it would be rather | better, and a trifle more expeditious withal, to communicate with Union Square by way of San Francisco or Hong-Kong hereafter ? First Partner was weighing the subje tentively when last heard from. Illustrating a Point. He entered into a lawyer's office on Broad: way one morning last week. He was rather of the shabby genteel order, although the smile he wore appeared to be brand new. The law- yer had just been wishing for a client, and not knowing how much of an one this mi be, he returned both bow and smile. “Good-morning, sir. I am an acrobat, just now out of employment, and I propose to form acclass to instruct it in the beautiful profes- sion, and have called to see if you will join it. I assure you that it will be of incalculable value to you.” “Gracious goodness!" exclaimed the aston- ished lawyer, ‘of what possible use can acro- bacy be to me?” “Why, my dear sir, to say nothing of the | call it would give you in the hundreds of pro- | fessional cases continually coming before the courts, you can hold a jury spell-bound by turning a flip-lap before them to illustrate a point; like this, for instance: “Gentlemen of the jury, my client is right: throw him up any way you will, and he will light on his fect (here he turned a flip-tlap), like that. See the point?” When the acrobat ne down, he knocked over a chair and book-case, and raised a riot generally, The indignant limb of the law sprang for an Indian club. “Tdon't care to join your class, but I'm going to give you a sample of my club-swing- ing just to offset the little exhibition of yours,” and the most bulbous portions of acrobat and club came into sudden contact, and that hard- up individual turned several involuntary tlip- flaps as he went down the office stairs, to “ il- lustrate a point.” ‘Tue Springfield Republican seriously marks that “Osear Wilde, with all his bles, must have a good deal of stutf in him, No doubt about it—none in the least. If the Republican had been lucky enough to have been numbered among the favored guests at any of the receptions accorded the lusty young asthete inthis city, it might have made as- surance doubly sure by giving a bond to wait while Oscar stuffed himself to the pudding’s | proof, But as to the quality of “stuffing,” | dear Republican, that is another and quite | re- different matter. Ger, haw, done ‘em brown! How do they do it in Newark town ? Two thieves up, and two banks down, Is the way they do it in Newark town ! ANOTHER bank officer gone wrong; this time in Buffalo, N. Y. But little is said about the matter, for the very good reason that there is little or nothing to say. There’ are no new features; it is the same old story. ee | comicbooks.com